How did your friends, family or colleagues take your late diagnosis of ADHD/autism?

I remember a friend telling me he wasn't that surprised

I was there with my son, also autistic and she said he must get it from his dad. When I said nope, me, she stared in amazement, grilled me about how and where I got my diagnosis (NHS as it happens), said several times that I don't look autistic and finished it off by saying that if I'm autistic, so must everyone else be.

A very close family member is in the process of getting a diagnosis.

We've talked about why they chose to do that now, they're 60. My take on it was, well you are who you are , you've got your quirks like all of us but none of them are a problem as far as I'm concerned. They said they felt the need to try to understand themselves better.

that made total sense to me. As long as their need is not driven by other peoples "needs", which would be sad to me.

I don't react to them any differently from t he way I've always done.

Among the people I'm closest to there was no surprise - however I choose my company very carefully these days and there's a lot of neurodivergence among them anyway as I think there's some kind of 'ADHDar' that draws us together.

My mother isn't totally convinced, as I expected she wouldn't be, but my response to her is the same as to anyone else who questions it: if it's not real, explain to me why I'm taking amphetamines every day but am calmer and sleep better. Anyone who went clubbing on speed in their youth will know that's going to be a very weird reaction to amphetamines unless something else is going on, but for certain types of ADHD stimulants have the inverse effect. Until the phets I would often drink Coke to help me sleep. I ask them to explain that too. And of course they can't and it tends to put a lid, at least temporarily, on any scepticism.

Dh was just diagnosed this year, late 40s. Our DS has it and the more he described his own brain the more DH recognised it within himself. I wasn't at all surprised. I told one friend (whose son is also ND so we discuss this stuff) and I said I was speaking in confidence as I wasn't sure if Dh was telling people yet etc and she kind of laughed and said 'no surprise there..'. I think people who have experience of it recognise it anyway. Others not so much. Dh won't tell his parents because when he told them about DCs various ND they dismissed it and rolled their eyes and complained everyone these days says they have something. They refused to believe it. My family just said ok then and never mentioned it again, I won't waste my breath telling them

Personally I don't agree with a big announcement I think its need to know basis only.

AuDHD diagnosed earlier this year. I have disclosed to very few people and am self employed so no work as such. I do however tend to disclose without disclosing - “I’m finding this room very loud, could we please move somewhere quieter where it’s easier to speak?”; “Sure I’d be happy to meet. So that we get the most out of it, could you please send a brief agenda?” and so on.

I am also more selective about what I choose to attend/do/ participate in. I know what environments work for me and I avoid the difficult ones unless there’s very good reason.

very interesting. I’ve long thought about getting diagnosed. Can I ask those that have had recent diagnosis - did you go private or NHS.

I keep meaning to go private but it seems daft to spend the money on something that I already know and I probably wouldn’t do anything different if I had it confirmed

So interesting to hear everyone's experiences. I have been really struggling going into peri-menopause. I thought it was depression and had some talking therapy where I came at the opposite end of the spectrum on their tests. But i ranked higher on the anxiety scale. Everything I've heard since makes ADHD seem very likely and I'm pondering whether to get a diagnosis. The HRT does help but I think coaching for other habits would really improve life.

I was diagnosed earlier this year with both autism and ADHD. I haven’t told many people, only my DH and a couple of very close friends and family who it wasn’t a surprise for. I’m not telling any work colleagues unless I really have to.

Diagnosed combined type and I was offered meds straight away, so I do feel lucky. I’m on my third week of Elvanse, a slow release amphetamine. Not yet noticed any benefits but it can take 4 weeks or more before you notice any improvement in symptoms.
I’ve had a pretty normal life as far as relationships, family and work is concerned, but I now work for myself as I’ve always struggled with people looking over my shoulder or telling me what to do. Oppositional defiance I think.
Managing to get through life isn’t the same as thriving, though, is it?

I think that’s partly why I was missed - because I have autistic traits, too.

Absolutely no one was surprised. In fact most people were only shocked that I’d not not been assessed for adhd sooner.

Im still in two minds about an ASD assessment. I’m not sure what I’d gain from it. I don’t think I need acceptance of who I am or why I am like I am ( late 50s)

OP, I'm same age as you. I was diagnosed with ADHD last month. I got my autism diagnosis about 3 years ago.

My workplace was very supportive about the autism diagnosis. They don't yet know about the ADHD diagnosis. I work in a leisure centre and most of the staff are in their 20s and a very high proportion of them have some form of neurodivergence.

My friends have been less understanding and some of them can't see why I bothered to get a diagnosis. One in particular - when I told her that something I did (can't remember what) was due to autism, she said it can't be because I hadn't done it before. I had to spend ages explaining how 'symptoms' are not set in stone and how autism is very much a reaction to the environment.

DB has been understanding- he is waiting for autism and ADHD diagnoses himself. DM seems a bit nonplussed - she never mentions it. I'm convinced DM has ADHD.

I think more people seem to have adhd than don’t now. Whoever goes for the diagnosis gets it. I don’t even raise my eyebrows anymore. You’re just normal

DD was diagnosed with autism at 14 and ADHD at 15. It’s only from doing so much research to try and help her that I’ve started to think I have ADHD too. I’ve been referred by my GP and just waiting for my appointment to come through. I paid privately for DD’s assessment but can wait for mine. I’m 58 so while I’d like to know it’s not urgent.

With that attitude, I’d find a better psychiatrist. That’s appalling!

Diagnosed with ADHD age 50. Like a previous poster, realised I had it after my child was diagnosed as a teen. Told my elderly mum. She doesn’t have much insight really but it possibly helped her a bit with understanding me.

Some friends unsupportive along the lines of ‘ everyone is a bit really’, others dismissive by not mentioning it at all, which I suspect is for the same reason.

Several colleagues mostly remarked at how well I hide it. Yes, that’s why I’m always knackered… fatigue from masking.

Husband and kids all either diagnosed or many traits of neurodivergent conditions. They get it.

Late diagnosed ADHD here when menopause made my symptoms completely unmanageable.

DH and grown-up kids were all very supportive. It made sense of a lot of my behaviours and medication has helped even me out which has made things easier at home. Both kids have since been diagnosed officially as ADHD.

I told a couple of close friends who were completely unsurprised and supportive. I haven't told my very elderly parents (I suspect they are autistic/adhd too) because they would poo-poo it.

I only told one colleague who has barely spoken to me since, so I haven't told anyone else at work and don't intend to. I work in a very competitive industry where any 'weakness' is weaponised. There's still a lot of prejudice out there. Ironically, I am fairly sure that the colleague who reacted badly also has undiagnosed ADHD.

I’m late diagnosed autistic and literally no one I’ve told has been surprised. I thought everyone would be shocked! Some people were surprised I didn’t already have a diagnosis as they thought I already knew. Everyone has been supportive.