How did your friends, family or colleagues take your late diagnosis of ADHD/autism?

Very mixed for me. I haven't disclosed to siblings and parents, not sure I ever will. Told a handful of friends, a couple have been great and supportive when initially told, but then never mentioned it again. A couple of others have been disinterested / dismissive. I am very high masking so you would really not have any clue that I am autistic at all - many people don't truly understand what autism is, or have any inclination to learn, and it's not my job to educate them quite honestly. Diagnosis has been life changing for me in terms of accepting myself and limitations, and is very helpful for my DH and children who have to live with me.

Diagnosis was helpful for me not just for medication - which has made a huge difference - but also for self-acceptance. My self-esteem was always through the floor. Actually it was worse than that, I'd say self-hatred was the defining thread through my life. I was outwardly successful but my inner voice was so ugly. I'd never speak to anyone else the way I spoke to myself, constantly telling myself how useless/stupid/ugly/unloveable etc. I was. I feel so sad looking back at that.

Between having an explanation for certain things and the calm I get with the medication I've been able to let go of that. I don't look in the mirror and love myself exactly but I no longer have that disgusting voice constantly putting me down.

It was the same for me. I didn’t want my elderly parents involved. DH had known me 20 years and I had some school reports that provided evidence.

Sometimes it’s not possible. I didn’t have anyone I could ask to be the informant who knew me under 12 years. For both the ASD and ADHD assessments, my DH was my informant (known me for over 15 years), and I gave the information from when I was a child. Because my memory is excellent I could give a detailed account of my childhood, and that together with my medical and mental health information was accepted.

> I thought part of the assessment involved speaking to someone who knew pre 12 years old

For me, it was either supply school reports, or that the psych needed to speak to someone who had known me as a child. I was able to do the former.

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/388238925575

I got a private diagnosis from a psychiatrist - I was diagnosed 6 years ago and medication has been life saving. Slight derail but I am moving to England soon and am scared I won’t be able to get my adhd medication. How do you get yours?

I dithered about this question for ages. Didn't want to take NHS resources away from someone younger than me. But equally felt it was an unnecessary extravagance to go private. Once I'd made the decision to go for it (with a specialist company that focus on women's AuDHD), honestly, it's already been worth the money, when though I'm only at the post-screening point.

I'm highly successful by objective standards, but have always been incredibly stressed by my inability to function like everyone else, and the need for the world to be on fire before I can get in the zone.

Medication hasn't been a magic wand, but it's made a huge difference and I'm so much more efficient and therefore less stressed.

I used to think this too. But I've read a lot of research now and I'm quite shocked by how wrong I was. It's likely that the concept of being NT is bullshit and that we'll one day have a society in which neurodiversity is accepted as much as physical diversity is. Until then, though, if your neurobiology doesn't fit the box, then it can really disable you and a diagnosis can help enormously. My life is changing rapidly for the better as I go through the assessment process, with all the reading and learning I'm doing. Please think about educating yourself so you can understand the facts better than you do right now.

A few people have said their parents haven't reacted well. I'm curious as to your assessment as I thought part of the assessment involved speaking to someone who knew pre 12 years old.

Asking as my GP thinks I have ADHD but I've not been sure about pursuing as my parents would not assist with this part of assessment.

Already posted upthread but I just wanted to add something in relation to the question why someone wants to know if they have this. Truthfully I find DH hard to live with, he is forgetful, late, and starts tasks that he doesn't finish etc. I've long since gotten used to this but occasionally it makes me really mad and frustrated. Ive learned not to say anything because he gets so defensive and explodes. I don't mean criticism in a general way, but if he is doing something in an illogical way and I gently suggest he starts on the left or uses this tool first, he yells at me and it is unacceptable. We have had many stupid rows and his shouting leaves me extremely upset. To avoid arguments i say nothing and sit by and watch him do stupid things that can have consequences and i cant help but feel angry about this and then he is annoyed that i didnt intervene, so i feel i cant win. Since his diagnosis the biggest difference I see now is that if I suggest something he will say 'yes I'm not sure how to do this, can you help'. I've told him 100 times that if you are struggling with something why not let me help and he is finally accepting this. The reality is I'm very logical and practical and am better at certain things. He is better at other things, we need to be a team. By admitting he finds somethings difficult he allows me to take control of things and delegates. We work much better as a team now and have less arguments. I've realised it was never about me accepting him but much more about him accepting himself, its ok to not be good at something and there is no need for self criticism if something is difficult for you.

For the poster worrying about poor treatment from the medical profession, and others who may have similar worries, I wanted to share my positive experience. A couple of years ago I was bitten by a dog and ended up in hospital with the wound infected. I was given lots of morphine and enjoyed the rest apart from the pain and missing my dc. Anyway, I am VERY anxious when it comes to anaesthesia and surgery. Being a nurse never helped that anxiety at all. I explained to the anaesthetist that I was very anxious and that I was awaiting an assessment for autism. As part of my traits I need to know exactly what is going to happen and when otherwise the anxiety takes over. She was so lovely and did everything possible to give me the best possible experience. I’ve had awful surgical experiences before. Seven surgeries prior to the dog bite surgery and 5 of those were horrendous, one was ok because I had enough pre-med to make a horse zoned out, and one was my c-section so a different kind of thing altogether. I also told the nurses on the ward I was awaiting assessment and it was one of the best admissions I’ve ever had and I’ve had many over the decades. Nobody was patronising at all, just understanding and explained things well.
My ds is waiting an ADHD assessment and now that his dentist knows she is extra lovely with him and understands that he finds things overwhelming and chatters at the speed of light instead of listening.
I did have a GP tell me I was “successful” so what’s the point of being referred although she did refer me later on. It was years later I got the diagnosis though.
I’m waiting for medication to see if it helps my exhausted ADHD brain. My whole life has been a struggle. Our achievements are made despite a metaphorical blindfold, hands behind our back, chained ankles and ear defenders on. We are constantly swimming against the tide whilst others swim in calm waters as a minimum.
Those who claim we are all a Lottie bit autistic or ADHD or think everybody gets a diagnosis if they ask haven’t a clue and it’s smacks of some weird kind of jealousy. Like we are special and they aren’t. That’s a laugh because I’m sure we’d rather not have a disability, or often two together, and swim with the tide or float on calm waters. Not many people would say similar about using a wheelchair or being blind or any physical disability. They see how those things are debilitating but ND conditions seem like a good thing to those who have no idea because we get reasonable adjustments and they think our lives are easy because of it rather than those adjustments levelling the playing field. People are fucking weird.

I've just been diagnosed with ADHD. The meds have reduced my anxiety. When they are in my system, I am far calmer and more focussed.

I was diagnosed with autism last year aged 50. My husband and children weren’t surprised. Siblings and parents very disinterested.
I wanted my MH team to understand me better and hoped the diagnosis would aid that but it hasn’t.

Greater self awareness for myself and those around me. It has been very validating- I'm not lazy and weird, my brain is different.

For any exams - potentially extra time and other accommodations.

If you get an ADHD diagnosis, you can be prescribed medication that makes a massive difference. My psychiatrist says you can achieve anything as a person with ADHD but without a diagnosis and medication you have to work MUCH harder than someone who doesn't have it.

Diagnosed with ADHD five years ago aged 47. Apart from a friend (the psychiatrist needed to speak to someone who knew me as part of the diagnostic process), I didn't tell others for a couple of years (I am generally pretty private with family). No particularly interesting reactions when I did, apart from family members wondering about whether another family member is neuro-diverse, using my diagnosis as possible evidence. I'm now wishing I hadn't told people, as I am doubting the diagnosis and it's not information one can take back when it's out there. I'm self-employed, but think I'm unlikely ever to want to disclose in a work context unless it were completely unavoidable.

THEP0PE, my reason for pursuing a diagnosis was to see if medication helped with some of the things I was experiencing.

I was diagnosed with autism in 2018. I'm 43 now. Most of my family responded by getting their own assessments for either autism or ADHD. Same with various friends. I knew there was a reason we all get on so well 😁

At work I'm very open about it and people are very accommodating. I do my best to ensure I have what I need to make the environment manageable for myself, but it's still nice to be considered by others.

Well, in my case it was partly an opportunity to find out more about myself, about what I find difficult or do differently, and how I might make it easier on myself. There was a lot of stuff which I was aware of already - otherwise I wouldn't have gone for an assessment - but the psychiatrist's report actually picked up on some additional things which I hadn't even known were weird. It's useful to see this stuff from the outside, from a neutral professional standpoint.

Another reason was that I wanted to be able to talk to my kids from the angle of "we are like this and may have problems with X" rather than "you are like this and may have problems with X." I think this is an important difference.

Plus I feel like either you're autistic or you're not, and I find the no-man's-land of being undiagnosed really irritating (in myself and in others). I realise not everyone feels like this, and it's actually a very inappropriate attitude in a world where assessment can be so hard to access. Nevertheless I feel it very strongly. I can't help wondering where this black and white style of thinking might come from?!

I was diagnosed in 2023.

It's a life changer.

Had literally struggled my entire life but being female and being born in the 80s meant I had zero chance of ever finding out whilst younger.

Have been on medication over a year and it's...amazing. best way I can describe it in simple terms is finding out you've lived you're entire life on hard made video game wise and everyone else was playing in on the normal level. The meds put me on that normal level.

Now the difficult part. My family don't know. For my assessment I had someone who's known me most of my life to give a statement. I did bring it up to my mum at the beginning, but she shit me down in flames. Every response from "everybody does that" , "were all a bit like that" and my personal favourite "no...we would have noticed" 🙄

I think there a fair chance my mum was being defensive as a)she 100% has traits and I wouldnt be surprised if she has it and b)it was the 80s and I think she carries guilt from not spotting it. Not that I blame her, it was a completely different time period and the odds were stacked against us.

Friend wise....they're all good with it. As it happens my best friend has just gotten an NHS addh diagnosis (after already having a Bupa one through work). Most of my friends know I'm as mad as a box of frogs so it wasn't really a surprise.

And my work colleagues always knew I wasn't...neurotyipcal shall we say 🤣 so it wasn't of any great surprise to them when I was diagnosed

Greater awareness behind ADHD surge, study suggests https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cg5vp62dnnro

This counters the ‘ it’s a trend’ argument’ . I don’t get why people would be against someone having greater awareness of their own cognitive strengths and areas of challenge. My diagnosis has helped me understand myself. It has helped me see how my hyperfocus has helped me with certain things at work. I feel less guilty about dropping hobbies when they no longer interest me because I no longer get the dopamine hit. I recognise the things that others find exasperating about me. I know why I have impulsive behaviours - mostly related to eating and being unable to hold in thoughts. I tell people have ADHD not because I expect anything from them, but because it is part of who I am.

Why do people want the diagnosis mayo ask?

Reading with interest.

Strongly suspect I am autistic but I do not want it on my medical records and if I got the result it’s very unlikely I would tell anyone.

Mainly because of the reactions described upthread when I have really really fucking struggled. And the discrimination from the medical profession. It’s bad enough just having a mental health condition - I could turn up with a leg handing off and still get the head tilt and “Are you sure you aren’t just depressed/anxious ?” Arseholes.