To think it can be hard to explain how many siblings I have?

If you feel like you are one of 12 because your grandparents raised you, say that. Or something like, “I was raised by my grandparents as 1 of their 12 children, so I feel like I have 11 siblings, although they are technically my aunts and uncles! I have some biological half brothers and step siblings too.” Or just say “A lot! I’ve lost count!” and laugh 😂

i was brought up by my grandparents who have 11 older children is probably the simplest explanation, but I think many people would be intrigued and a full story would be interesting in the right setting

i was brought up by my grandparents who have 11 older children is probably the simplest explanation, but I think many people would be intrigued and a full story would be interesting in the right setting

i was brought up by my grandparents who have 11 older children is probably the simplest explanation, but I think many people would be intrigued and a full story would be interesting in the right setting

Sympathy that this is complicated and presumably a bit of a painful subject.

I’d say “it’s a bit complicated and one for another time but I was raised in a family of 12 kids” and then quickly deflect the conversation onto them.

It’s also worth thinking of some things you could use to shut down further conversation, so for example if they ask why you didn’t grow up with your mum being able to say something like “well sadly not all families are simple, like I said it’s probably one for another time, anyway let’s talk about something else”.

I can’t believe that interviewer. Some people are so insensitive!

I have two full blooded brothers and two older half siblings from my Dad’s first marriage.

My parents divorced and I had 4 step-sisters from Dad’s third marriage, and 5 step-sisters and 2 stepbrothers from my Mum’s second marriage.

Dad then remarried for the fourth time and I got another 4 stepbrothers and one half-brother.

Technically that’s

• 2 brothers
• 2 half sisters
• one half brother
• 9 step sisters
• 6 step brothers

So 20 altogether. I’m close to my 2 brothers, 2 half sisters, and most of my Mum’s step children.

@howmanysiblings that was actually my point: your original answer doesn't give the wrong idea at all. It conveys your situation perfectly, which is that you were raised as part of a large family, but it makes it clear that it wasn't just a straightforward family setup.
That's why I wouldn't go into the only child or 2 siblings scenarios, as that actually gives the wrong impression even if they are technically correct.

Edit: by your original answer, I mean this one: 'I was raised by my grandparents, they had 11 kids'

I agree that if it’s small talk/getting to know you then the answer is

’I was the youngest of 12 in the house.’

The person says ‘WOW! that’s a lot of family! What kind of car did you guys have?’ Or ‘Oh my! How on earth did your parents manage?’ ‘What were the age differences?’

And if you are willing to go in to more detail about beds etc then do. But people likely only want light chit chat and not delve too deep until a more appropriate stage of the relationship.

My mum had two half siblings that she only met as an adult. She describes herself as an only child and I view her as an only child. I don’t see her half siblings and their children as in any way being part of my family. So if I were you I’d not see your dad’s kids as siblings. And family is about more than biology so seeing as you were raised with your grandparents kids and would have been legally their sibling if they’d adopted you I’d say I was one of 12. Also it’s got nothing to do with anyone else. It’s your family.

I just say “there’s X of us in total, but we are a mix of steps and halves and things”.

I'd just say, I'm an only child with my mum but I've got various step siblings on my dad's side, who I found out about as an adult and I also spent some time living with my grandparents who had 11 of their own kids, so it's complicated.

Or, I'd just say I'm an only child if I didn't want to tell people any details.

I think when people ask that they are generally wanting to know what your experience of family is like. Eg is yours big or small, have you been surrounded by lots of siblings or none. So saying "it's complicated! But I grew up as the youngest of 12" covers it really. Saying you're an only child would be technically correct but it would not give any sense of your actual experience.

I know someone who was raised with her cousin so she usually says she's technically an only child but has a sibling relationship with the cousin. My own youngest half sibling was born when I was at uni, but when people ask how many siblings I have I say the total number, and only go into the half sibling stuff if it's relevant later. They're all equally my siblings to my mind. People tend to find it quite interesting. I know that some Mumsnetters tend to invalidate or dismiss any relationship that's outside of the classic nuclear family but that's not everyone's experience of life.

Hi OP, I’m similar!

im one of two from my mum and dad, but sadly I lost my sister so where I used to normally simply say one sister, it depends how heavy I want the conversation to be!

on my dad’s side I also have three half brothers and two step brothers. I actually grew up with the step brothers but dad divorced their mum ages ago so I see them the least!

my step father has three children but a fair bit older so we are close as adults but didn’t live together etc.

i normally go with a breezy, “I’m from one of those big married and remarried families so there are loads of us!” And leave it at that

I haven’t read all the thread so apologies if I’m duplicating. You don’t need to tell all of this to everybody who asks in general conversation. They are asking with a passing interest so no need for a life story about everyone’s business and secrets. Tell them about full siblings or half / step siblings that you are close enough to actually view as siblings.

I didn't say in my post that your mum raised you, I said 'raised as an only child, my mum only had me.' They were two separate points. You can then go on and give a detailed account of all siblings and living arrangements if you want to, which is a choice to overshare. I was merely giving a generic response that allows the conversation to move on if the only reason for the question is to create an ice breaker, and not because the person asking wants to know the 'this is your life' description. As others have mentioned, it really is subjective to who has asked the question, why they have asked, and what you want them to know.

I have this exact same problem OP. I won’t describe the set-up as it would be outing to anyone who knows me. But I normally say how much time do you have, and if they have time I explain, and if not I just say there’s no one answer to that question, it’s complicated, a lot/a mixture etc.

If its just people being making small talk then, kindly, no one really cares. Just pick whatever number seems a good number to you. They'll have forgotten 10mins later if its just "average". As you have already seen, it becomes interesting if you'll get more questions so if you want to talk about it, give the answer in your OP, if you dont, just say "2" or whatever. No one will test you or come back to you about year later to double check what you said

Your grandparents kids wouldnt be your siblings but I can see why you would view them that way if that is the relationship you had with them.

If it matters but you dont want to get into it, say that you lived with your grandparents and they had x number of children and that you have x number of step siblings. Dont go into any other details.

Of course, if you want to talk, Im sure the other person will listen.

I'm sorry for using "x" instead of the actual number but since MN got rid of the page numbers, its impossible to scroll back and forth.

I don't ever launch into this BTW when I know someone is making chit chat. I normally say something like 'I was raised by my grandparents, they had 11 kids'

Your original answer is the best, you don't need anyone else's help! It's succint, but gives exactly the right impression. You were raised as part of a very large family, and it's not a straightforward situation. Any of the answers of 2 are possibly more strictly accurate, but give the entirely wrong idea.

Id just say I have a blended family of siblings, step siblings, there are about 12-15 of us in all but some I haven't met and others I do have a close relationship with.

If you want to go further you can say my grandparents brought me up as an only child so its complicated

but most people know what a blended family is and would be a simple answer - if that is what you are looking for

I'd say "I lived with my grandparents, who had 11 children" and leave it at that.

I would say I'm an only child but was mostly raised by grandparents in a large family. If the conversation continues you could describe your relationship with your aunts and uncles akin to siblings, but I'd leave step siblings out of it. If you don't know them they don't count for the purpose of a casual conversation

It's entirely up to you what you feel is most accurate (without a long explanation if you want to give one) and/or "naturally" how you feel.

I might say "I'm my mum's only but I was raised by my grandparents and they had a big family" and answer any questions or not as they arise.

My beautician chats a lot during treatments and fairly early on she told me she'd had 3 kids and might have more because she was an only child and whilst her mum was fab she had always dreamt of having a big family. A few visits later and she told me about her largely absent father and that she'd found out in her 20s that he'd had a total of 14 children. Some of whom she then met a few times. She thought it was quite funny that on one hand she was an only and on the other, one of 14! But that she considered herself at heart to be an only as that's how she grew up. Technically she has lots of half siblings but thinks of them as "my dad's other children" rather than brothers and sisters.

Sorry am waffling! I think I'm trying to say is west you feel is a good fit is more about family dynamics than genetics and legalities.