I can’t accommodate son who’s struggling, can I?

Just don't expect DS's support when you get old! Does he know you favour his sister's? Does he know you value tidy space more than him?

He's not a 'poor lad!' He's a grown ass man! He's proven perfectly capable of living independently and has a history of inappropriate and aggressive behaviour towards his younger sisters, who are still minors. To say nothing of his tendency to wreck the house. Of course op can't have him home.

The OP has said the adult sons is aggressive. His autism also does not completely absolve him of being selfish in his choices.

He has to learn the hard way, at some stage, that his behaviour impacts others. His poor sisters, who have had to live w9th the aggression so far...

He wants his own way. Autistic or not, he's being manipulative. If you are helping him then he isn't dealing with it all. I think you have to make a firm boundary - he is not moving back home, so he can heave your help to find a place, or he can do it himself without you, and if he wants to live in his car then that's his choice.

In the end, tough though this is, this is in his own interests. If he moves back home he will never move out again, and there will come a time (hopefully a lomg way in the future) when you aren't around to house or support him. He needs to learn to stand on his own two feet. He's got so far, and turning back now isn't a positive option.

Could you convert the garage into a room for him? Somewhere where he is slightly separate from you all? Are there any other options? Dining room or study?

Have you exhausted all of the charities and associations who provide support for housing people with autism.

I know you've said he doesn't qualify for supported living buy I would still check out that they have no other options or suggestions or even support him to help find him somewhere independent.

It's a difficult situation for all of you.

Seems like you have made your mind up. Poor lad.

Do you have a garden? Room for an ‘outhouse’ or garden room that he could live in but be nearby?

Loving him does not mean you have to let him walk over everyone. Tough love means helping him navigate changes for his own good long term, rather then letting him run home and hide from life.

You should support him but not enable him. Basically as everyone else has said - don't give him the option of moving back in, support him to get a new place / get support from.social services / allow him to become homeless as then he'll be better placed to get the support he needs. Not getting the deposit back is a consequence of his own actions not bad luck, when you talk to him you need to be spelling out consequences - how he deals with his problems are his responsibility, not yours.

Unfortunately you might have to let him learn the hard way. If he refuses help, he will eventually get the attention of social se4vuces and get referred for social housing. It will take time but for your dds, you really can't have him back with you.

You have him back and he will never be independent again and all of your lives will be a misery . So sorry OP .

Play hardball, do not fall for the blackmail. Give him a choice, he allows you to help him find a room elsewhere or you help him present himself as homeless to the council. You can provide a letter stating you do not have space at home and you need to safeguard your younger children due to his historic behaviour. You have a choice, you are not cornered into letting him return.

Having a family who loves him does not mean that their lives should be turned upside down to accommodate him, as an adult. You have to prioritise your DDs' safety and wellbeing.

What help has been sought for him? I know there's never enough, but what has he been refused/is on a waiting list for?

What about social housing. He’d have medical points and probably pot to for being a vulnerable adult. No need for him to share.

What does your DH think, OP? Is he his biological father?

Your son must feel very rejected.

Help him find a room elsewhere, then help him find an apprenticeship level 2 in something he will enjoy and build confidence and confidence. Chat to a careers adviser who can work out strengths and opportunities. As a parent it would be better helping him rise to changes and role modelling how to advocate.

It isn't 'sensitive' to be upset by hurtful comments or an aggressive manner, @nomorecheesyjokes. Your older dd needs you to protect her from someone who, it sounds like, was bullying her and her sister. And your younger dd deserves her own room.

Your son is an adult, and he does have options. You have offered to help him find a room, and he has turned you down. If I were you, I'd tell him again that you are more than willing to help him find a room, but that, if he refuses, he needs to accept the consequences of his choices.

He wants his old room back and is emotionally blackmailing you to let him back in. If he comes back he may never leave! What are his sisters thoughts?

I would make up a shortlist on spareroom.com and start making appointments to look at them. Make it clear there's not enough space at home but you're happy to help him find somewhere to live.

Does he get any PIP /DLA for his autism? If he doesn't can it be applied for? Maybe if he had a bit more money he could afford his own place? Or would getting it help him get a council flat?

Alternatively, could you spare some money each month to help him rent a 1 bed /studio flat?

Maybe living in his car would help him move up the council list for housing? I think this should be the end goal rather than returning home.

Only you know your son well enough, but if it’s a toss up between “can’t find a room that he likes” and “homeless”, I doubt he’s plumping for the latter. Is he laying it on thick?