I can’t accommodate son who’s struggling, can I?

I would feel sorry for him if he wasn’t being manipulative. Let him live in the car if he wants to, he’s probably just pushing to see if he gets his way.

If you think you two can cope with him, I’d tell him he can move back in once the girls are out. Living with an intimidating brother sucks, mine has a bullying streak that never got called out by family and now we don’t speak. My life is a lot more relaxed without him making me feel bad about myself.

OP, lots have people have asked if you have a garden but you haven’t answered. I would put my son in a caravan if I could but I don’t have a garden!

This.

😂 you think he would support the OP when she gets elderly? He doesn't even do his own housework now. He's aggressive to thosehe sees as weaker than himself.

For the sake of your minor children he cannot move back in. His scares them and punches holes in walls.

No child should feel unsafe at home or anywhere frankly but home should be a safe space.

It is ok to say that he can't live with you now. It's not appropriate. You can support him to find a different room, or you can support him to present as homeless to the council (nb to qualify for help as homeless he needs to stay put in his current rental until he is actually evicted - leaving before eviction proceedings is defined as "voluntarily homeless" which is ridiculous but that’s how it is.

Could you afford to buy a caravan that he could live in on your drive? (V cold in winter)

Why should two teenage girls have to live with an aggressive adult who is able to live independently? He is not the « poor lad » in this scenario.

I feel sorry for him but then he’s not trying and doesn’t want us to interfere by looking so I don’t know what he wants from us I often find myself wondering this about my DS with autism. My theory: in his mind it is black or white: either he moves back with you or he becomes homeless. He doesn’t want (or can’t) think about other options.
Remember that his autism makes him appear self-centered: the impact he is having on his sisters/you/your house is not something he is considering. Again, not on purpose.

Worst take ever.

But let’s just run with your logic: let aggressive bully DS move back in and don’t expect any support from your two DDs when you get old!

I definitely wouldn't let him move back as he will never leave again. Tell him you are happy to help him find a new rental and move but that's it.

He may still qualify. It might be worth looking at some smaller, charity providers. A lot of places run outreach services where they manages the individuals tenancy, give minimal hours of support but help to keep life stable.

What a difficult situation. I'm normally all for adult children moving home if they need to but not to the detriment of everyone else

For now I would be leaning towards not letting him move back in. I really doubt he would ever move out again. But it sounds like his sisters won' feel like their home is somewhere they want to be anymore.

Help him, support him, but let him find his way. You said he doesn't want you to help. But I'd be sending on links for rooms etc. I don't know what it is like to live with autism, but I do know autistic people. One does live at home but is not aggressive, the other has lived independently since college.

This or a caravan

If you have him back, he’ll be there long term and your daughters will resent him and you. I would expect him to be living independently at his age. He needs to sort himself out and not blackmail you.

It would be a no for me. It's setting your younger girls up to have to push down their thoughts, feelings and worries because he makes these comments. They also need time and space without these verbal attacks.

I'd say no because you have children to consider. He has been fine all this time, he just needs to find another place. If he chooses to sleep in his car then that is his choice. He is trying to emotionally blackmail you with manipulation. I'd reply to his "homelessness" with, "how silly of you to say that, just find another room!"

?!?!?! Are you being serious?!

He is a complex, intimidating and aggressive adult male. Whether he is their son or not, if there is an option for him not to be in the home with two teenage girls then of course that should be what happens! The OP has 3 children to look out for but two of them are still that - children.

She needs to put their needs first in this instance.

It does sound like he needs more support, but you have other children to consider so the way I see it, you need to find a way to provide support without opening the door again to the detriment of the rest of the family.

I would have a sit down chat with him, outline what support you are willing to & can provide, help him looking for someone else for example, help produce a budget planner to help manage finances, if you are able to then you could say you can contribute £X a week etc. Figure out what you can do and offer that, but if he doesn’t want that then your hands are tied- if that means he wants to sleep in his car then you let him do that.

I’m flabbergasted at the lack of empathy and compassion for this young person. Life is hard enough without a diagnosis like the OP son.
A neurotypical person brain hasn’t fully developed until 25. Add neurodiversity, financial issues, he is overwhelmed, struggling and facing homelessness - he is vulnerable,
The thought that ‘ he has made his bed / He is blackmailing you ‘ doesn’t come into it.

I appreciate you have other children and the family dynamic is not ideal OP do you have any other solutions with extended family or a way you can adapt or extend you pr home to help?

Being autistic does not excuse intimidating his sisters, or punching holes in walls etc. he’s not 18/19, he’s in his his mid 20s. That is a fully established adult. Absolutely no chance would he be returning.

I would not. MIL took back her eldest. Similar problems with behaviour.

Decades later he's now 60 and she regrets having him back. He can't see anyone else's point of view, is verbally aggressive at times. She feels she can't ask him to leave now as he's not sure he'd manage and it's hard for him to change at that age.

Honestly I think it'd be better if your son could be helped to learn to cope if possible. One day you won't be around and it might be even harder for him to adjust later in life.

You can't take him back and you don't need to. It's actually not good for him. You can help him work out how he can avoid homelessness other than by regression to living back at home making everyone miserable. There are charities etc that focus on homelessness avoidance

If you thought coming home was genuinely the best thing for him and would set him up to be more independent later on, that’s one thing. But it doesn’t sound like it would genuinely help him long term. He needs to find a way to be an autonomous adult.

the older one is the sensitive one who feels intimidated by his jokes and temperament.

There’s your answer- you just can’t move someone intimidating into your daughters’ home.