I can’t accommodate son who’s struggling, can I?

I wouldn't have him back but I'd accept he needs more floating support in his own place. Weekly drop in visits and more support with finding his way - this will pay dividends in future.

I have a DB with a disability and he benefitted more from independent living with support in his 20s than if he was at home.

Is he on the council waiting list for a flat? he should get more points if going to be homeless. Also get him on any local housing associations, he may be able to get a 1 bed flat which would suit him better than a HMO.

It's a hard one, on one hand i've always said to mine that they will always have a bed here if things go wrong, on the other, the reasons you have mentioned in PP, I would be reluctant to have him back, but tread carefully here because if he feels rejected it could make him worse.

Living and navigating life with ADHD is tough, I would encourage him to try the meds.

Do not allow him back. From experiance you will never get rid of him again!!!

Your girls will suffer, and so will you if he moves back in. It will be a life lesson for him to have to deal with this himself. and if he does end up in the car for a few weeks, he will soon realise that any room is a beter option (also have lived in my car in the past due to being in one of the most expensive areas of the country while on entry level wadges!!) trust me its often the kick up the arse needed to sort ones shit out!!

What you should now be asking yourself is not 'can I' but ''should I.''

Can you not get support from your local council or Social Srvices in housing Vulnerable Adults.

There are charities and housing associations who do support such leople as your son with assisted living.and specialised hoysing

Hope this helps

X

Imagine when you see a hole punched in a wall what would have happened if the person didn't duck.

That is what people should think of when they see holes punched in walls, and never, ever, let whoever did it anywhere near them.

I saw it online. Thought it might be useful to some.

Maybe if he won’t accept that he has ADHD/Autism, could you point out to him that if he thinks he is NT then maybe he should start acting like someone who is NT and not reinforcing the fact he has ADHD and is unmedicated

Isn’t his problem that he doesn’t accept that there is anything wrong with him - not saying adhd is wrong but punching walls is.

Lots of us who have autism and ADHD do not meet the criteria for bipolar. This is nonsense. And people do not always consider themselves to "suffer from" ADHD and/or autism.

Do you have a YMCA near you OP? That might be an option.

Back in the days of having to share accommodation the three of us who shared offered the landlord more rent if they would provide a cleaner for the communal areas which might be an idea if he continues to share.

I think any ASD person whose struggling has an almost 100% chance of it being related to their condition.

Tell me you don’t know anything about ASD without telling me you don’t know anything about ASD.

It’s not happened ever in my house or the houses of anyone I know, so actually I would classify it as highly unusual! I’m not sure how one would even go about making holes in the walls or doors - maybe by hitting them with hammers? Or if strong enough, by punching or kicking them? None of which is acceptable or usual behaviour!

Being autistic doesn’t mean you automatically get benefits! I’m autistic (diagnosed) and have ADHD and certainly don’t!

You have no idea why he's struggling. From the info provided in OP's post he is perfectly capable of living and working independently, just as many, many people with disabilities are. He just doesn't want to.

He also has the capacity for emotional blackmail.

I think it's quite ignorant to automatically assume that the reason a neurodiverse person is 'struggling' with something must be due to their condition.

The worrying thing about autism and adhd is that there are currently debates as to whether bipolar disease is a separate disease or whether a patient suffering from one can also be said to suffer from the other.

Until someone makes up their mind, the parents are left trying to cope. I am very sorry for anyone in that position.

I’m also wondering whether the OP is understating his aggression @WhatNoRaisins A man in his mid-20’s can be extremely intimidating -my DS (16) towers over me, for example, and he’s still growing. He’s also extremely strong compared with his sister and myself.

If the OP’s son is aggressive towards his sisters, whether verbally or physically, or punches holes in walls, as seems to be the case, they’re probably terrified. He could seriously hurt them and his parents tbh.

To think DP’s gone too far re room situation?

There is another thread on Mumsnet with a similar problem that might be useful to you.

I cannot agree with what you say. There is one thing that stands out, and that is that you suggest the DDs would understand the autism, but how can they?

Even adults, even people working with autistic children and adults cannot clearly understand.

That inability to understand could give younger children the idea that if they played up they would 'get away with it', because until and unless they grow up knowledgeable about psychiatric illnesses, they will suffer with that idea of it.

I may not be explaining it very well, but if people knew more about psychiatric illnesses they would understand the need for this young man not to be living with the DDs right now.

Well that depends on context I suppose.

In a crackden? No. In your common or garden family home? Yes.

Support him to live independently. Seems like everyone else will struggle if he returns.

However my dd is a level 1. But when she went onto burnout she descended to level 2/3.

So ASD is not a consistent disability.

Hmm, really? I'm definitely not severely autistic but I haven't cracked driving yet due to issues directly related to autism/Aspergers. For example, driving requires spatial awareness, adequate reaction times, and the ability to identify and process relevant information in time to make appropriate decisions.

Maybe this break-down of levels of impairment will help. Severely autistic would equate to requiring level 3 support.

The DSM-5 identifies two main diagnostic criteria: social communication deficits and restricted and repetitive behaviours or interests. To be diagnosed with autism, a person must have persistent deficits in both areas that significantly interfere with their daily life.

The Levels of the Autism Spectrum Scale
To help differentiate between the varying severities of autism, the Autism Spectrum Scale is used. This diagnostic tool is used to assess and diagnose ASD in adults and children. There are three functional levels of autism based on the scale. These scores are based on the level of support a person needs to function in daily life and the level of impairment.

Level 1: Requiring Support Individuals
Individuals at Level 1 of the Autism Spectrum Scale require some support to function in their daily life. They may have difficulty initiating social interactions and maintaining them, and they may struggle with nonverbal communication. They may also engage in repetitive behaviours or have specific interests that are narrow in scope. However, they are able to function independently in many areas of their life, such as self-care, and they can generally adapt to new situations.

Level 2: Requiring Substantial Support Individuals
At Level 2, these people require substantial support to function in their daily life. They may have significant difficulty with social interactions, including initiating and maintaining them, and they may have a limited ability to communicate, both verbally and nonverbally. They may also engage in repetitive behaviours or have specific interests that interfere with their ability to function independently. They may require support in many areas of their life, including self-care and adapting to new situations.

Level 3: Requiring Very Substantial Support Individuals
Level 3 of the scale requires very substantial support to function in their daily life. They have severe deficits in social communication and interaction, including initiating and maintaining relationships, and they have limited or no ability to communicate, either verbally or nonverbally. They may also engage in intense repetitive behaviours or have specific interests that significantly interfere with their ability to function independently. They require support in all areas of their life, including self-care, and they may have difficulty adapting to new situations.
It is important to note that the autism spectrum scale is not a measure of intelligence or cognitive ability. Individuals with autism can have a wide range of cognitive abilities, from intellectual disability to exceptional intelligence. The scale is simply a way to categorise individuals based on their level of impairment and the level of support they require.

Midland Health

The young man is not severely autistic. If he were severely autistic, he would struggle to catch a bus independently, never mind drive a car.

Agree with @SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius .

I wouldn’t even use blu tack on my childhood painted bedroom walls!