Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Tom Felton getting stick. Is this really the world we live in now?

218 replies

User012389 · 10/06/2025 10:26

Whatever your stance is on trans issues do people really have nothing better to do than verbally slaughter him for choosing to continue within the franchise and being honest that he has no strong opinions on the matter? He's a big boy now and I'm sure he can handle himself but it makes me terrified for the young actors who are also already being subjected to this as well.

I myself was also pretty much forced to remove a post on a facebook group congratulating one of the young actors on being cast in the TV series as some of the vitriol I received completely overpowered the positive intention of the post. I said nothing inflammatory just pointed out that not everyone disagrees with JK's opinions and that we need to be accepting of opinions which are different to our own.

I'd understand the backlash if JK or so called TERFS were spreading genuine hate or encouraging persecution of a group but I just don't see that. IMO whatever your views on gender identity are there's way more horrible and important things going on in the world. Is a lot of trans-activisim really just a way for young people to express their very valid dissatisfaction with the world in general in a reasonably safe way? Honestly maybe I'm getting old and boring but I just don't get it.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Totallymessed · 10/06/2025 18:44

Joleyne · 10/06/2025 17:45

I have never understood why this debate turned into a Left and Right issue. It really isn't that simple.

Some Left wingers are TRAs and believe in gender idiology; some do not. The Communist Party is gender critical.
Some Right wingers are TRAs and believe in gender idiology some do not. One of the founder members of Press for Change is a Conservative and there are TRAs in all the main parties. The first trans (only!) MP in the UK was a Conservative and that party, under Theresa May, was as firmly TWAW as you could wish to see.

This is very true. There are people on all the parts of the political spectrum who are happy to destroy women's rights to placate the demands of a small number of deluded (mostly) men.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 10/06/2025 18:38

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 10/06/2025 15:25

Very sensible approach. Some other actors could do with following his example, starting with David Tennant.

Who? Oh yeah, that fella who presented that game show that nobody watched and itv suspiciously quickly stopped plugging. Can't think anyone will be very interested in his drivel now, nor find him particularly credible assuming they ever did anyway.

BundleBoogie · 10/06/2025 18:19

Trans activists it’s have to bully people into capitulation - it’s all they’ve got.

There are no coherent arguments for changing the meaning of basic words, allowing men to use women’s spaces and participate in women’s sports and people can’t change sex so..

TheKeatingFive · 10/06/2025 18:03

Petitchat · 10/06/2025 17:22

The more aggressive, dictatorial and bullying they are, the more we will NEVER EVER want them in our toilets etc.

They're not very bright if they can't see that they're making their own case worse.....

It was never about winning hearts and minds though.

It's about using fear and intimidation to get what they want.

DancingDangerously · 10/06/2025 18:00

It's been a discussion on MN for many years, and rightly so.

It's definitely not a right vs. left thing, nor is it male vs. female (except of course, for very important issues relating to sex and protections).

TooBigForMyBoots · 10/06/2025 17:56

Joleyne · 10/06/2025 17:45

I have never understood why this debate turned into a Left and Right issue. It really isn't that simple.

Some Left wingers are TRAs and believe in gender idiology; some do not. The Communist Party is gender critical.
Some Right wingers are TRAs and believe in gender idiology some do not. One of the founder members of Press for Change is a Conservative and there are TRAs in all the main parties. The first trans (only!) MP in the UK was a Conservative and that party, under Theresa May, was as firmly TWAW as you could wish to see.

Well said.

I'll add that not everyone who knows TWAM is talented, a feminist or beneficial to women.

Helleofabore · 10/06/2025 17:48

Joleyne · 10/06/2025 17:45

I have never understood why this debate turned into a Left and Right issue. It really isn't that simple.

Some Left wingers are TRAs and believe in gender idiology; some do not. The Communist Party is gender critical.
Some Right wingers are TRAs and believe in gender idiology some do not. One of the founder members of Press for Change is a Conservative and there are TRAs in all the main parties. The first trans (only!) MP in the UK was a Conservative and that party, under Theresa May, was as firmly TWAW as you could wish to see.

You are quite right. It is a universal issue.

It covers the spectrum of political belief.

Firealarm1414 · 10/06/2025 17:47

Meanwhile, you have actors clamoring to star in Woody Allen and Roman Polanski films and not a word is said. Strange that

Helleofabore · 10/06/2025 17:46

SidewaysOtter · 10/06/2025 17:40

@Helleofabore Wow, I hadn't realised this had all been going on quite that long.

(And even longer than 9 years unless it's 2023 where you are Wink )

oh... yeah. you are spot on. Thank you!

Some times I feel trapped in 2023, and prior to some of the court cases.

But yes, I believe that lesbian feminists were discussing this at least around the time of the GRA. 2004.

It makes a fucking mockery of the 'if you just were more moderate the whole thing will have been sorted'.

Joleyne · 10/06/2025 17:45

I have never understood why this debate turned into a Left and Right issue. It really isn't that simple.

Some Left wingers are TRAs and believe in gender idiology; some do not. The Communist Party is gender critical.
Some Right wingers are TRAs and believe in gender idiology some do not. One of the founder members of Press for Change is a Conservative and there are TRAs in all the main parties. The first trans (only!) MP in the UK was a Conservative and that party, under Theresa May, was as firmly TWAW as you could wish to see.

Swirlythingy2025 · 10/06/2025 17:41

god help us when humanity has to explain its history to aliens in the galaxies and milky way etc

SidewaysOtter · 10/06/2025 17:40

@Helleofabore Wow, I hadn't realised this had all been going on quite that long.

(And even longer than 9 years unless it's 2023 where you are Wink )

Helleofabore · 10/06/2025 17:35

For those who wonder just how long women have been accused of being to polarised in their view and not 'moderate' enough, I was recently looking at an old MN thread from 2014, and I found a link to this blog.

https://feministsunknown.wordpress.com/2014/06/16/on-becoming-a-terf/

Nearly 9 years to the day, and I am sure that many women will be able to read that and nod along, even now.

And you know what, it doesn't fucking matter if feminists don't speak for 'every' woman. If they speak for the ones who feel they cannot speak at all, isn't that what feminists are supposed to do.

Isn't the discussion about the needs of female people making sure that the those who really need single sex provisions are the ones who DO get prioritised? That just because a woman has the privilege to dismiss those single sex provisions, including those of opportunities, representation and sports, not just single sex spaces, that those who need them are centred.

This fallacy of 'you don't speak for me' is just that. A fallacy. Because of course, feminist campaigns are not supported by every female person. They never were. But to dismiss feminist voices as manipulated and polarising, that shows some pretty significant lack of thinking and prejudice.

On becoming a TERF

You’re not quite sure when it started. It was a creeping hysteria, progressing inch by inch, breaking down the boundaries word by word and phrase by phrase. When the ground is being pulled fr…

https://feministsunknown.wordpress.com/2014/06/16/on-becoming-a-terf/

soupycustard · 10/06/2025 17:27

Merrymouse · 10/06/2025 15:16

So my family member tried to kill themselves after a series of bullying occurrences last year, before trans rights were even rolled back by JK Rowlings funding. It was me who found them and had to try to save them. Its a horrifying experience that i will never get over.

I am very sorry that this happened to your family member.

Perhaps you and they would be helped if you understood the law a bit better.

JK Rowling has not changed the law.

I'm not sure what you mean by 'cis', but women can only defend their rights if they can be defined in law. Women need abortions because of their sex, not their gender identity or their level of femininity. That is why the Supreme Court decided as it did - not because of a campaign against trans people, but because it has to deal in logic and the reality of the material world.

Your family member remains protected by the protected characteristic of gender reassignment.

This very clear outline of the facts is worth repeating. A law has to use words that can be defined. A law to protect women therefore has to be clear as to what a woman is. The only possible answer is that it is defined by biological sex.

Petitchat · 10/06/2025 17:22

The more aggressive, dictatorial and bullying they are, the more we will NEVER EVER want them in our toilets etc.

They're not very bright if they can't see that they're making their own case worse.....

Petitchat · 10/06/2025 17:15

LittleAlexHornesPocket · 10/06/2025 11:02

Oooh I wasn't aware Mumsnet had "thread police" now.

How do I get such a prestigious role please? Do you need any qualifications?

Your sarcasm is brilliant. Wish I'd beaten you to it 😁 👍

Hotflushesandchilblains · 10/06/2025 17:14

Whatever you think, having an opinion is your right and no one should take away from it. Personally I am troubled by some of the language and messages on both sides of the debate and can see why someone would want to opt out of having any opinion. At the end of the day, he is an actor in a franchise which is enjoyed by millions. Giving him stick for belonging to that is really out of line.

MummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 10/06/2025 17:13

He wouldn't repeat the doctrine, or denounce the chief witch, the absolute bastard, and during the holy month as well!! 😱 Burn the heretic!!

Just kidding, he's a bloke so they'll get bored soon enough, they'll be a woman they need to hound along shortly I'm sure.

You could see the look on his face answering that though, like "I will be tactfully side stepping around that crazy train thank you very much, so do not push me further into it's path"

It would have been the easiest thing in the world to chuck JKR under the bus like so many have, and the TRAs are so used to hearing platitudes off celebs they come to expect it. Always a shock when someone won't pander to the brats. Good man that he didn't.

Helleofabore · 10/06/2025 17:10

Here is another

yougov.co.uk/topics/politics/articles-reports/2021/12/22/cancel-culture-what-views-are-britons-afraid-expre

Here are some interesting highlights:

A majority of Britons (57%) say they have, at least sometimes, found themselves stopping themselves from expressing their political or social views for fear of judgement or negative responses from others.

Women are also more likely to have held their tongue than men (62% vs 52%).
29% of those who disagree with the statement “a transgender woman is a woman” feel they have to frequently keep bottled up.

Only 10% of respondents agree with the mantra.

This contains a very interesting chart at the bottom that shows ‘conservatives more inclined to have concerns about free speech and labour being more concerned about protecting peoples feelings and sensitivities.

The degree to which women have felt that they cannot disagree with statements such as “a transgender woman is a woman” makes me look in askance at statements such as the 'both sides' fallacy.

There is no symmetry to these supposed 'sides'. It is a lazy discussion point when you consider the history of discussion on this topic. It is used to censure and shame women, whether it is intended to or not, that is the outcome.

TooSquaretobehip · 10/06/2025 17:06

alltogethana · 10/06/2025 15:10

If that is your view, that is fine, as in, you are entitled to your view, and I disagree, and that is fine.

I apologise for saying the bit about it requiring an epiphany and you'd need to dig deep, that was rude of me. What I meant was - you seem to be quite entrenched in your views and it takes time to engage, and I don't have that time. Sorry for being rude though. (I don't want to become polarised!)

The thing is, you don't seem to want to actually engage. Whenever any of us try, you run away. You just want to lob attacks and run. You refuse to engage or even answer any questions. That can only lead us to believe you are here in bad faith.

Helleofabore · 10/06/2025 17:05

Londer · 10/06/2025 16:30

I say this as someone whose political views have mostly aligned left through my life, but 'the left' have absolutely lost the plot and while I think there are some online communities where it is more extreme, it's also becoming a wider problem in the 'real world' too.

There is this really insidious vibe that there is only one right way to think and anyone who strays even slightly from that is demonised. There is zero room for nuance. Sometimes I feel like they turn to their chosen online community to find out what that view should be for each issue then very aggressively parrot it.

At work we have a very firm 'no discussing politics' rule in professional spaces such as MS Teams, but a lot of people seem to think that criticisms of Trump or other big issues they feel on the correct side of are exempt from this. To be clear, I don't like Trump either, but they feel they are so objectively right that it doesn't even count as talking politics - to them it's just stating an undeniable truth. This is applied to many other issues which their echo chambers tell them they are objectively correct about.

Every celebrity at the moment wants to weigh in with their views on everything, despite often having no knowledge of it. I think it's refreshing Tom is stepping back and refusing to get involved as his job is as an actor and he doesn't feel he should have to justify his beliefs about every issue to everyone. We could do with more of that and less bandwagon-jumping.

I also hate that everyone thinks not only is JK Rowling herself awful but anything she's created should now be burned and never spoken of again. The irony is these are the same people who are often completely fine with the likes of Roald Dahl for example.

I got a load of flack online when my husband posted a picture with a bookshelf in the background that had my childhood Harry Potter books in them. I haven't even touched them for years but apparently I should not have them in the house or else I am part of oppressing trans people. Someone from a hobby group I'm part of said she would judge anyone who lets their kids read Harry Potter now.

I've watched a lot of people who are part of this 'tolerant' community, in the last couple of years, say some really horrific things about Jews (and no I don't mean they criticise Israel - I mean literally stating they have no sympathy when random Jews around the world are killed because the likelihood is they're Zionists so it's justified).

I watched a gay man at work do a talk about how to be a good ally and spoke a lot about how important it is that he can be his true self at work and how he should never have to hide who he is. I was relatively friendly with him but he completely stopped speaking to me when he found out I married into a Jewish family.

I've seen the same tolerant community completely dismiss the experiences and trauma of women and wish physical harm to survivors of abuse for the crime of wanting to be supported by a biological woman.

I admit that I did used to look at my GB-news watching family members and despair at how closed-minded they are when they said a load of stuff about e.g. immigrants that was completely untrue and IMO ignorant. I still just as strongly disagree with them, but it's harder to be holier-than-thou about it when the 'other side' seems absolutely no better now. The superiority from the left is honestly laughable at this point.

You are not alone in thinking that we are in a time where it feels upside down as far as how many words, including 'tolerant', are used. I have this below and I also have another I will find and post too. A lot of it revolves around people making false accusations about those who they don't agree with instead of having a discussion about their views and being able to clarify their views.

‘You can’t say that!’ – New polling shows students want more controls on free expression

The Higher Education Policy Institute has polled 1,000 full-time undergraduates on free speech issues via YouthSight, a market research company specialising in students’ views. The questions were identical to those posed by HEPI via the same polling company in 2016 (with two additions).

The new results, published as ‘You can’t say that!’ What students really think of free speech on campus (HEPI Policy Note 35) by Nick Hillman, show students are significantly less supportive of free expression than they were.

www.hepi.ac.uk/2022/06/23/you-cant-say-that-new-polling-shows-students-want-more-controls-on-free-expression/

Key findings

Free speech and discrimination

-79% of students believe ‘Students that feel threatened should always have their demands for safety respected’ (up from 68% in 2016) while 4% disagree (down from 10% in 2016).
-61% of students say ‘when in doubt’ their own university ‘should ensure all students are protected from discrimination rather than allow unlimited free speech’ (up from 37% in 2016).
-The proportion of students who believe ‘universities are becoming less tolerant of a wide range of viewpoints’ has risen to 38% (up from 24% in 2016), and this view is considerably more common among male students (51%) than female students (28%).
-The proportion of students who agree that ‘if you debate an issue like sexism or racism, you make it acceptable’ has doubled to 35% (from 17% in 2016).

Events

-Most students believe one or more political groups should be banned from speaking at higher education institutions, including the English Defence League (26%), UKIP (24%), the British National Party (19%), the Communist Party (12%) and the Conservative Party (11%) – when presented with a long list of political parties, just 13% say ‘none of the above’ should be banned from speaking (down from 27% in 2016).
-64% of students think universities should ‘consult special interest groups (e.g. religious groups or gender societies) about on-campus events’ (up from 40% in 2016).
-When asked what rights students and staff should have to respond to an event they dislike, 39% of students say they should be able to ‘hold a protest outside’, 20% say they should be able to ‘stop the event from happening’ and 12% say they should be able to ‘disrupt the event’ (all up since 2016).
-The proportion of students who think ‘gender segregation should be allowed at official university events’ is 32% (up from 20% in 2016).

Students’ unions

-86% of students support the No-Platform policy of the National Union of Students, (up from 76% in 2016) while just 5% say ‘the NUS should not limit free speech or discussion’.
-62% of students support students’ unions refusing to sell tabloid newspapers on grounds of sexism (up from 38% in 2016) while only 10% disagree.
-39% of students believe ‘students’ unions should ban all speakers that cause offence to some students’ (more than double the 16% figure in 2016).
Staffing and academic resources
-77% of students believe there should be ‘mandatory training for all university staff’ on understanding other cultures (up from 55% in 2016).
-The proportion of students who think academics should be fired if they ‘teach material that heavily offends some students’ is 36% (over double the 15% in 2016).
-When asked about university libraries, one-third of students (34%) say ‘all resources should be included for the purpose of academic study, regardless of content’ (down from almost one-half of students – 47% – in 2016).
-Trigger warnings, removing memorials and safe spaces
-86% of students support trigger warnings (up from 68% in 2016).
-76% of students think universities should always or sometimes ‘get rid of’ memorials of potentially controversial figures (up from 51% in 2016).
-62% of students support safe-space policies (up from 48% in 2016).

Government

-In response to a new question, around one-half of students (48%) support the Government’s proposal to establish a ‘free speech champion’ for universities in England. Around one-quarter (23%) disagree and the rest are uncertain (29%).

unherd.com/thepost/britains-students-will-be-woke-forever/

‘You can’t say that!’ – New polling shows students want more controls on free expression - HEPI

The Higher Education Policy Institute has polled 1,000 full-time undergraduates on free speech issues via YouthSight, a market research company specialising in students’ views. The questions were identical to those posed by HEPI via the same polling co...

https://www.hepi.ac.uk/2022/06/23/you-cant-say-that-new-polling-shows-students-want-more-controls-on-free-expression/

TooSquaretobehip · 10/06/2025 17:04

alltogethana · 10/06/2025 14:55

Actually, I didn't make an argument. I said what I thought. And this is something else I think - if you cannot see that both sides are polarised, then the chances are you are on one of the polarised sides. And in this situation "polarised" also means "unreasonable". And it would be a complete waste of my time to engage with people who are unreasonable. So, if you want answers to all your questions, accept it will require an epiphany, dig deep and find out. Best of luck to you.

Please tell us what is "unreasonable" about women wanting our basic human rights?

SidewaysOtter · 10/06/2025 16:57

@Londer I feel the same, particularly with the concept of "correct views" and it somehow being acceptable to spout them in the most inappropriate settings, as if signalling one's virtue trumps (pun not intended!) everything.

I didn't leave the left, the left left me.

TooSquaretobehip · 10/06/2025 16:57

Dancingintherainxxx · 10/06/2025 13:17

It's crazy how many people in the UK are transphobic and so uneducated. Trans people have been around as long as us cisgender folk have.

Now there are more medications available. Two physicians I work with and three nurses I work with are transgender.

Don't be scared just because you don't understand.

@Dancingintherainxxx It's amazing you think people advocating for womens rights are 'transphobic' and 'uneducated' (I'd look in the mirror there). Transgender is a recent phenomenon and pumping children with dangerous chemicals and removing health breasts is not healthcare. Simply because you don't understand womens rights and are blase about the sterilisation of children doesn't mean you should post ignorant and misogynistic comments.
PS There is no such thing as 'cisgender'.

m00rfarm · 10/06/2025 16:44

PizzaSophiaLoren · 10/06/2025 10:50

I think it’s far better for everyone when actors don’t share their political beliefs.

He wasn't voluntarily sharing his beliefs. He is being lambasted for taking on a role in a JKR pay.

Swipe left for the next trending thread