Dh’s mum slapped ds

She was violent to your child, you have to say something to her or it will fester, you need to know he is safe around her or she doesn’t see him. I wouldn’t wait for DH to tell her, you need to say something so she knows you mean business.

“Scientific research” …….lol

what happened to the laughter emoji? Mine is gone. And I'd like to put one here.

OK hang on I am confused as to who is joking/being sarcastic now

There is not a "lab somewhere with children having tantrums" - what are you on about? How would that even work?

Aha, righto. Who funds these worldwide bunkers full of microchipped toddlers?

What for?

OP someone has hit your child and not only have you not said something at the time you are also questioning yourself enough to write on mumsnet. Obviously you’re not unreasonable and you are responsible for being the advocate for your child.

Would you say something if DH or MIL slapped you? You are your child’s voice.

Unless you are exaggerating and it was a light tap.

Scientific research? You think I haven’t understood?

there’s a lab somewhere with small children having tantrums. Some of them are being left to spiral. Others being cuddled. Others being distracted. These labs are widely replicated across nations for reliable data.
the children will have chips in their brains for the rest of their lives to monitor the results, taking into account variables such as genetics, nutrition and environmental circumstances.

Ask your DH about his childhood.

Can you avoid seeing mil for a while to have a break from her. Be prepared with something next time … firmly tell her not to slap immediately after slapping.

This needs nipping in the bud immediately

Dh needs to tell her unless she apologises to ds she won't be seeing him again.
And mean it.

My response would hugely depend on the level of violence involved as a slap can describe a wide range of things - if it was just a slap on the back that was a forceful pat and not intended to do anything but help him calm down it’s one thing, if it was anywhere close to being a violent slap ie it caused even a small amount of pain/temporarily leave a mark on their skin it’s completely unacceptable without your permission (fyi - I’m not from the camp that thinks slapping is child abuse as long as it is calm and restrained, but (a) it often doesn’t seem to be and (b) I can’t imagine seeing it as productive for my children). If she didn’t get it was unacceptable after that discussion she wouldn’t be round my children if I could legally help it.

So a child of three is expected to control their emotions but a fully grown adult doesn’t have to? Because they can’t cope with a child’s emotions it’s fine for them to lash out and hit or shock them with water? All because an adult has no self control but expects a small child to?

Cop the fuck on. Anyone who defending hitting or shocking kids with water has serious issues. If you wouldn’t accept your partner smacking you’re or shoving you in a cold shower when you’re upset then you can’t defend doing it to a child.

That's horrendous. I hope you tell her it's absolutely bang out of order and is assault. That shell not being allowed contact till she realises corporal punishment is illegal and never ever acceptable.

Er no, waterboarding creates a choking response, close to drowning,,

We. We, not I. Collectively. As a society. And in 43 years I'm sure, and hopeful there will have been 43 years more scientific research on the emotional development of children and yes, we will then know that some of the things that are seen as perfectly fine today, will be known to be inappropriate.

I don't think you've understood.

There’s no excuses for hitting children. There’d be no coming back from this for me. You wouldn’t tolerate being hit by your DH, so why would you sit back and continue a relationship with someone who assaulted your child?

She would never see my child again. That’s the end of it.

Water in the face elicits the same shock/fear reflex that waterboarding does.

How do you know that you know better? Are you sure that in 43 years time there won’t be critical overturning of the current approach?!

you need to look up "waterboarding", clearly.

Pretty sure water boarding isn’t the done thing nowadays.

Not acceptable behavior. I would speak to your DH and then both speak to her about what she can and cannot do with your child.

You need to address it. Tell her that you were in shock at the time but under no circumstances is she to lay a finger on your child again unless she wants to see how mad you are.

I would say something to her, obviously in the moment you’ve been shocked, defo bring it up