Dh’s mum slapped ds

I am sorry for your broken childhood. 💐I know perfectly well that violence against childen is reprehensible. I don't see splashing a child's face with water when they have gone blue in the face from holding their breath in a tantrum as violence - it has shock value, of course, but it's purpose is to make the child take a breath (believe me, my DS was capable of holding his breath to unconsciousness just because I had insisted he sit in his pushchair).

Ffs. It really was a joke. It was a reaction to how ridiculous it is to throw water in a child’s face. And just to be totally clear any form of violence whatsoever against a child is unacceptable. I grew up being beaten on a regular basis and I was happy to not parent in the same way I was parented.

Well done for having the conversation.

I think this is an intergenerational thing that plays out in a lot of families. Smacking was just so normal when I was little, I think my parents and ILs are mystified that we don't smack, just as we are mystified that they did.

Your child, your rules x

So it wasn't a joke. You think any physical restraint or any action other than talking to, naughty steps, explaining the logic to a two-year old, is wrong?
But two-year-olds don't understand logic - which is why two year olds are put on reins in busy places, or should be.

Not too late to say something. Poss better to have had a delay so you can collect your thoughts/communicate calmly

A breakdown means to burst into tears - ie to cry. None of you ever cry? I’m not sure I believe that, it’s human and normal to cry, as it’s very normal for children to have big emotions that sometimes include tantrums - they’re completely normal.
And you say you’re fine Yet you can’t control your emotions because when someone else - an adult or a child - is crying and upset your instinct is to hit them or shock them. That doesn’t feel particularly healthy.

Anyway, that’s up to you. But I’m so glad that more people are no longer using such tactics and future generations will be able to cope much better with their emotions if they’re taught properly to deal with them rather than go round smacking people.

All said and done, I hope you have a nice evening. Night.

Funnily enough, neither me, my siblings, friends or my children, have breakdowns or meltdowns.

Seems we are all raised right then. Thanks for your concern 😊

Well my four year old stopped having tantrums years ago because I taught her how to cope with her emotions. We talk, she asks for cuddles, she takes deep breaths. A bit like I do.
Maybe if more children were taught how to cope with their emotions you wouldn’t get adults who can’t deal with them and think it’s acceptable to go around hitting other adults and children because they can’t cope with any form of emotion.

Just a thought though.

But if you’re happy to let someone smack you when you have a breakdown, good for you.And a toddler having a tantrum is perfectly normal, it’s similar to an adult crying and struggling with their feelings. Odd that you can’t understand that.

I seem to be surrounded by normal adults, who happen to cry and be upset on occasions when bad things happen, not with grown-up having meltdown and making a scene.

Again, if someone was hysterically over the top, the old recipe of a slap has proven to work for decades. Call it "violence" if you want, and let us know how far you go with shushing sound. 😂

This is the 1980s equivalent of chucking a piece of processed cheese on their forehead. That shuts them up too, according to tiktok. At least in the 80s the event wasn't videoed and publicly shared.

OP if you don't bring it up explicitly, your silence on the subject implies your approval. You need to say something unless you are comfortable with her doing it again. Start with asking her about it, see if she feels it was ok to do or not.

Heroically missing the point of the thread but I think I'd rather have my back slapped than water sprinkled in my face.

…so if an adult is crying and extremely upset then you’d just hit them?

I’m sure you think you’re hilarious, but clearly violence is amusing and acceptable to you.

I'd be doing some slapping of my own. How dare she slap your child?!

If an adult was having a full hysterical meltdown, I have to admit that - like in any good movie or tv serie - I would be tempted to slap them 😂

Not sure I would bother to go for the more gentle water in the face option.

You need to quietly and firmly explain that you do not slap or hit your children ever and that you will have no choice but to keep him away if she cannot abide by this rule. No ifs, no buts.

Yes it was a joke 🥸

So when you’re having a really tough time and you’re really upset, can I spray you in the face with water? Is it okay if your husband does that because he can’t handle you having any other emotion than fine? If you wouldn’t accept it being done to you is unacceptable to do it to a small child whom you haven’t yet taught to cope with big emotions.

The 80s was 40 years ago. Jeez, even Ferber went back on his cry it out method to a degree.

Sigh. A splash of water, not sticking them head first into a pond. The shock brings them out of the tantrum - and if your DS was a) screaming and b) then holding his breath until blue in the face then you might like to know this trick - Penelope Leach was the go-to childcare guru of the late 80s and I still think her advice works (and v. pro breastfeeding and bugger the housework, as I remember).
Of course, you may be making a joke, in which case 😉

How hard was the slap? Or was it a little tap /touch on the back because he scared her? How did he react?

If it was a slap, I’d be tempted to give her one back. Either way she would not be left alone with my child or pet ever again.

Do you think maybe she was just shocked and caught off guard by the screaming and gave him a quick tap/ nudge to snap him out of it but it looked worse from your perspective? I don't think a 3 year old would really comprehend that kind of punishment however maybe ur MIL is old school and needs a bit of education around this. Maybe the more appropriate thing would be to say something like 'nanny we only use kind hands around here'. Or something to that effect. The poster who cornered her own mother and threatened her sounds like a delight by the way. Really teaching your child great lessons there! I was hit when I was naughty as a child and I am not angry about it. In fact i never swore at my mother apart from that once in my whole life and I learnt a lesson that day. I look back on the times when I was given a hit and think my poor mother being driven up the wall. However I don't advocate for people to hit their children especially a child who does not comprehend the situation However I think some of these comments are just adding fuel to a fire. Children aren't made of egg shells they are much more resilient than you think and no one was beaten or abused it was a tap. If your MIL is a prominent person in your life don't burn your bridges over something that has no lasting damage. Your child won't even remember the next time they see your MIL.

I got smacked frequently as a child, by my adult female relatives. I wasn't a rude, violent child or on any neuro-diverse spectrum. I was just "different." The consequences were that I trusted the only person who didn't smack me - my maternal grandmother- and my pet animals. Many decades later, I still don't wholly trust anyone - only my horse and my cat.

I was a parent during the Penelope Leach time and had her book, didn't follow much of the advice in it, don't remember the water flicking thing and would not have done it, sounds beyond weird. As for the OP's MIL, this not good and she needs to have very clear boundaries about how she acts towards her grandson

Its not acceptable for her to hit your child you partner needs to have a strong word explaining this to granny and telling her she won’t be left alone with him now and his mother is happy to press charges for child abuse if it happens again. I would also reduce contact considerably for his sake, and maybe ask him if she’s hit him before?

I agree, it’s a silly response imo. Plus how upsetting for an already upset and hurt child to have their mother slap their grandmother in front of them, as unrealistic as it is that it would actually happen.