Sex education for 9-10 year olds

My favouritee is still my niece, looking at my brother in the shower. “That can get bigger, can’t it?” My brother, trying to be cool “Yes, it can” Niece “Go on, then”

Innocence and ignorance are two completely different things. In my opinion they should already know all that by this age-sex education is to catch the ones whose parents can’t or won’t do their job.

I was still at the primary stage (a very long time ago) when someone told me how babies are made. TBH I was very glad to find out at last, because a neighbour’s son was the absolute spit of his dad, and I couldn’t understand why or how, since I knew babies grew in the mother.

I had asked my DM but she’d fobbed me off!

I’m reminded of a friend’s experience with her dd of maybe 8 (she’d be mid 40s now).

Friend was peeling potatoes when her dd said, ‘Mum, So and So told me that to get a baby, a man puts his willy in the woman’s (whatever she called it). Is it true?’
Friend (thinking, Oh Lord), ‘Well, yes, it is.’
Dd. ‘ Oh.’ (Long pause.). ‘Did you and Daddy do that to get me?’
Friend. ‘Well, yes, we did.’
Dd. ‘Oh.’ (Very long pause.) Yeeeuuugh!! 😂

My Y2, 7yo will be having sex education (unless I opt out).

A lot of it won't be sex related but she will be taught the correct anatomical names of body parts including clitoris.

I'm actually unsure if I'm going to let her attend. She has SEN so it's different for her but 7yo feels very young.

Y5 is fine.

My DD got told about sex at age 7 by a classmate. He did a good job actually - kudos to his parents. I can confirm that her 'innocence' was not destroyed. She was still playing fairies in the playground up to year 6 and still believed in Father Christmas up to the same age. She's a young adult and has just been on her first date at the ripe old age of 20.

I really want OP to come back now because I'm interested to know whether she grew up in the UK and if so, whether she somehow missed out on the shit sex education videos covering all the aspects she mentioned, which everyone on this thread up to about their 50s seems to have seen in year 5 or 6?

My DS had his first wet dream in Yr 6. Thankfully he knew what it was and we talked about it. Your phrase 'taking away their innocence' shows that you'd rather use an emotive cliché than consider the actual, very nuanced, impact of what will happen. They're not going to become sex obsessed monsters. They'll go 'OK' and carry on playing or reading or whatever.

What harm is knowing going to do? What does "losing her innocence" actually mean? She's not going to come back from her sex education lesson a different person. She's going to be exactly the same little girl, just with the knowledge of some basic biological facts.

On the flip side, what harm could not knowing have? DD started her periods in year 5. She was prepared, because we'd talked to her about them, and so had the school. So while it was an emotional experience for her, it wasn't an unexpected one, and she knew what was happening to her.

I, on the other hand started having wet dreams at that age and was confused as fuck, and worried that there was something wrong with me, until I eventually figured out what was going on from another kid in school.

And thats before you get into the fact that a child knowing what sex is means they are more likely to understand when something inappropriate is happening to them and tell an adult about it.

There are many reasons why good age appropriate sex education throughout school is good for kids, there are absolutely no reasons not to do it.

Your daughter is 9 and she doesn’t know basic biology?! I find that more shocking to be honest. I started my period at 9 - does she at least understand that process? And have a basic understanding of her anatomy? My daughter is 20 months & knows what her vulva, vagina etc is & has already shown an interest in my period & body etc when I’m in the bathroom with her so I just chat to her about things (for example when I’m changing my pad) so that nothing is taboo. You’re not “preserving” your child’s “innocence”. You’re actually just putting her more at risk for things like sexual abuse - especially if she doesn’t even know what sex is. They have age appropriate books for even toddlers about understanding your body, boundaries, consent etc so you should probably start working on these topics with your daughter at home.

But these are just basic facts. It’s not sexy; it’s mechanics, taught to all children nationally.

I'm nearly 70 and my mum was a paediatric nurse who went into family planning. We had the book (Peter and Caroline) and read it together when I was about seven. Sex ed wasn't covered in primary school then (not in Cornwall) but many kids were from farming families and would have seen animals mating.

You can't wait until secondary school - many, many girls will have started their periods before then!

It’s basic biology not the art of seduction! Yes at nine children should have a level of understanding about how bodies work to prepare them for puberty. It’s better to get the correct facts rather than some half accurate information that other kids have heard from somewhere.

I'm 66. I can assure you that sex ed was taught at primary school in the 1960s.

I wonder if the OP will be back?

You are making your dd vulnerable by not explaining scientific facts.

Year 7 is too late and the school sex education doesn’t go far considering how many kids have seen porn in primary.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-64451984
Leaving it to year 7 turns the class into giggling and messing around because the kids know far more than the schools go.

If you don’t decide to tell her before sex education at school, at least discuss periods or you risk her becoming scared and traumatised if it happens. It’s not unusual for 9 year olds to get their period and she should know before period talk starts with her peers and she gets the wrong ideas.

As pp probably said, you need to think about your attitudes towards sex here too. Why do you think it equates to a loss of innocence? The younger kids are when they are told about things like periods, the easier it is to accept and treat it like a medical fact like wee and poo rather than something to be feared and be secretive about.

If you don't want to teach her yourself, she'll learn from the classroom or the playground. I know which I'd prefer.

That sounds really familiar, so possibly? I'm also reminded of the Simpsons episode where Mrs Krabapple shows the kids a 70s VHS cartoon of Mr and Mrs bunny as a Sex Ed explainer. 🤣

I think when I was at school in the 2000s we started “sex ed” really young. It wasn’t about actually shagging it was more anatomy and biological. I believe we were in year 2/3, but we definitely had more detailed sex ed in year 5, where they did tell us more. They also separated us into girls and boys. It’s a good thing.

My DD is almost 6 and she knows what a period is because she found tampons and shoved them up her nose when she was 4. Once she’d stopped laughing I told her what they were for. It’s important for children to know these things. The sex ed class won’t be teaching them positions and techniques, it will be basic biology.

You are being ridiculous OP.

DDs had this a few years ago. My only problem with it was the teacher probably had the same materials when they were at school as it dated from about 2001.

Not sure if they have updated it since but there was no mention that you might be attracted to someone of the same sex. Kids that age may have had crushes already and they shouldn't be told it can only be someone of the opposite sex.

We went to my friend's wedding (to another woman) when DDs were small. Even then loud mouthed kids were trying to correct DD1 when she was at school after, saying girls can't marry girls. They don't need sex detail but they do need to be told that having feelings for someone of the same sex is ok and that you can actually marry someone of the same sex.

Our year 5/6 video at school was a brother and sister explaining human bodies and reproduction to an alien. I remember the girl had a pink velour dressing gown on, one of those 80s ones with the high neck, and had some line about the vagina being able to stretch like a rubber band (for a baby to get out). I remember that line because for months afterwards there was lots of sniggering and jokes whenever someone said the words "elastic band".

My autistic ds is very matter of fact about it too!!!

He won’t even hug a girl because he’s been taught about consent and says unless they agree to it he’s not risking prison - there is literally no grey area in his life 🫣

That seems totally fine to me. It’s just mammalian biology.

One of the biggest benefits about making this topic so normal and everyday conversation is you are reinforcing being a trusting safe space for your child. The earlier you talk about it all (age appropriately building context over time ) you're arming your child with knowledge. It becomes no different to talking about nosebleeds or headaches it's just the body. It also gives you practice in getting rid of any shame or awkwardness.

If you leave it till they are in the throws of hormones secondary school relationships it becomes awkward embarrassing and "cringe" they will of already filled in the blanks via friends and the Internet. If they get into struggles or difficult situations they are going to their friends not you because it doesn't feel safe to go to you.

My oldest is 10 we have been building context since he was three. He has friends that started their periods at 8. It's so important he understands bodies relationships dynamics all the nuances. He will ask me/dh first or check in with me about what his friends are talking about. We have and continue to discuss pornography sexual assault, consent so many things. He also asks me all sorts of questions. He was most flabbergasted both my husband and I have had sex with other people before we married 😂
Then it's back to playing playmobil,lego or the trampoline. No innocence lost at all. Just a child with information without the embarrassment or preconceived ideas that you can't possibly talk to your parents about sex or bodies.

Our children are looking at us for a road map what's normal not normal what's safe not safe. If you don't become that trusted safe space the Internet, social media and friends will fill in more than mechanics and education(misinformation) but views and preferences.

There is so much to cover you need to start early. Really take some time to reconsider this op it is vital.

Why on earth have you left it so late to teach her about this stuff? My 5 yo understands the basics! Your choices are to withdraw her and she will hear half the story and a bunch of misinformation from her friends, or protect her by letting her hear the information she needs!