Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I too much ? Asking DH to do his business in the spare toilet

396 replies

funnypost · 10/06/2025 07:05

This is a funny one. We have 3 and a half bathrooms in our house. 3 upstairs and 1 little bathroom downstairs.

upstairs there are 2 en suites- one off the master bedroom and one off the guest room, plus a family bathroom.

I loathe walking into a bathroom and it being smelly. I just can’t deal with it. It’s gross.

at weekends, DH tends to do his business in the master en suite. But this is where all our stuff is. I hate not being able to go up there or if I really need to, having to breathe in the disgusting smell.

so I’ve asked him, why can’t you just use one of the bathrooms that’s just completely not in use ? Why do you need to use the bathroom that’s most in use by me and also near our bedroom, which also makes the idea of it gross.

I would just never dream of doing it. I try to be discreet and use one of the bathrooms that’s not got all our stuff in.

men just don’t think like this right ? My DH thinks I’m ridiculous but also finds it funny and has complied.

what does everyone think ? Do I sound like I have a stick up my bum ? I just can’t stand it. I’m really funny about it and think all traces should be covered up. DH thinks I’m ridiculous and that it’s a normal thing in life and I’m way too uptight.

OP posts:
Koazy · 10/06/2025 09:00

Buy some VIPoo

ObelixtheGaul · 10/06/2025 08:59

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 10/06/2025 08:33

I can't believe the number of people who happily choose a house with an en-suite toilet - but then get surprised and upset when that toilet gets used as a toilet.

If you don't want people going to the toilet next to your bedroom, and you bought a house with an en-suite toilet next to your bedroom, decommission it and turn it into a wardrobe or something.

I always thought the Dentons from The League of Gentlemen - with their "And this is the toilet into which we do NOT pass solids!" were a grotesque comedy set-up; not a documentary about MN.

First thing I thought of when I read this...

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 10/06/2025 08:59

This is why en suites are gross!

Greyhound98 · 10/06/2025 08:59

‘Do his business’? Is he a dog?

333FionaG · 10/06/2025 08:59

Why are you so coy about your husband having a bowel movement? He's a human being and that's how our bodies work. It's not something shameful, to be hidden, not to be talked about. As long as there's air freshener and a window to open, there shouldn't be a problem. Stop making him feel guilty for a normal bodily function.

If you were one of my patients, I'd be asking you every day if you'd moved your bowels, the amount and type of stool passed. Faeces smell, it's waste matter, nobody's shit smells like freshly cut roses.

RickiRaccoon · 10/06/2025 08:58

I agree where possible you should use the most discreet toilet. I'm probably influenced by growing up with a couple of family members who would absolutely stink out a toilet and you couldn't go in there for about 1/2 hour. We currently have just one toilet -- but fortunately neither of us has trouble with lingering smell.

L00pyLou · 10/06/2025 08:58

Yanbu

whynotmereally · 10/06/2025 08:56

He should use any bathroom but if it smells he should open the window and shut the door. It won’t take long for the smell to go. Tbf if I’m in our bedroom dh will use a different bathroom.

LBFseBrom · 10/06/2025 08:55

When I saw the title of this thread I thought you were talking about him doing business, such as stuff on his laptop, talking on the phone and shuffling paperwork whilst sitting on the lavatory :-).

Personally I don't like someone doing a poo downstairs. I suggest he uses the guest bathroom if there is no guest in it, or the family bathroon if nobody else is currently using it. The guest one seems the best option.

IOnlyWantSexMoneyPowerAndRevenge · 10/06/2025 08:54

FoodAppropriation · 10/06/2025 08:39

Posters can fall over themselves to express their glee at pooping next to their bed if they want, it's still gross 😂

There's a reason why loos don't come straight into kitchens either. It might be "natural", it doesn't have to all together.

If you find the idea of a loo with a door straight in the kitchen or in your bedroom normal, then you are weird.

Or just live in an old house where the bathroom is a later addition and its the only place it would go?

To live in the area we wanted, we had to compromise on the house and that included a downstairs bathroom. 80% of the houses we looked at had a bathroom directly off the kitchen. Only 20% (including the one we bought) had 2 doors between them. In our case, the doors are only a tumble drier width apart.

nam3c4ang3 · 10/06/2025 08:54

Ffs humans are becoming more and more ridiculous. Does your shit smell of roses OP? Do you also use the spare bathroom?

troppibambini6 · 10/06/2025 08:52

Totally with you. I do not need to be smelling someone else poo when I it’s not necessary. I don’t care if it natural or not.
En suites are for wees only. He should absolutely be using the bathroom that is least used. That what we do.

ObelixtheGaul · 10/06/2025 08:52

Anyone else a fan of The League of Gentlemen (Royston Vasey not Marvel) and can't stop thinking about the couple with the toads who had the nephew come to stay. 'The downstairs lavatory, into which we do not pass solids'.

cryptide · 10/06/2025 08:50

funnypost · 10/06/2025 07:13

I know mine smells which is why I go to great lengths to cover it up !! and I’m always considerate of others so they don’t have to deal with it.

Show quote history

Why cover it up? It's not going to come as a shock to your DH that you function in the same way everyone else does.

MyNeedyLilacBird · 10/06/2025 08:49

I agree with you op. My husband and I are in agreement and the ensuite is out of bounds for number 2s. It's just common courtesy

latetothefisting · 10/06/2025 08:48

PinkyFlamingo · 10/06/2025 07:11

He's not "doing his business", it's a normal bodily function that all humans do. And poo smells. Yes even yours! Not many people have 3 bathrooms either!!
Not sure what makes it "gross" being near you bedroom either, he's not doing it on the bed!

Three and a half bathrooms, get it right!

IOnlyWantSexMoneyPowerAndRevenge · 10/06/2025 08:48

This is why I hate en suites. I dont want my bedroom smelling of poo.

If you find it such an issue, cant you move your stuff to another bathroom and use that? Yes you shouldn't have to etc but it seems the obvious response to something that is bothering you.

We only have one bathroom and its downstairs so the window cant be left permanently open. My husband regularly forgets to open the window. I sometimes wonder what my 4 year old eats when Im not looking because... just yuk.

CautiousLurker01 · 10/06/2025 08:45

luckylavender · 10/06/2025 08:44

So much preciousness on this thread. It’s a bodily function. You have quite a choice of where to go. Stop embarrassing him.

Yes, this makes me feel OP is actually rather controlling or has OCD. Poor DH.

CuriousKangaroo · 10/06/2025 08:44

Not the point I know, but this is why I don’t understand why en suites are so popular.

On topic - I agree with you, OP and it’s not too much to ask.

luckylavender · 10/06/2025 08:44

So much preciousness on this thread. It’s a bodily function. You have quite a choice of where to go. Stop embarrassing him.

brunettemic · 10/06/2025 08:44

FoodAppropriation · 10/06/2025 08:40

old enough to have manners and standards?

Show quote history

How are manners relevant? He’s using a toilet to, one sec whilst I check, yep that’s right…go to the toilet. If he was doing it in the bed then OP would have a point.

MyHouseInThePrairie · 10/06/2025 08:43

FoodAppropriation · 10/06/2025 08:39

Posters can fall over themselves to express their glee at pooping next to their bed if they want, it's still gross 😂

There's a reason why loos don't come straight into kitchens either. It might be "natural", it doesn't have to all together.

If you find the idea of a loo with a door straight in the kitchen or in your bedroom normal, then you are weird.

Yep but that’s NOT her issue is it?
She is just offended by the smell when she is using said bathroom. Not that it might smell in the bedroom or that it’s unhygienic.

TheKeatingFive · 10/06/2025 08:43

The Mumsnet concept of having an en suite that you aren't allowed to use is just so bizarre, I don't have the words. 🤯

MyHouseInThePrairie · 10/06/2025 08:41

AmelieSummer25 · 10/06/2025 08:30

but they don't, they have 4. So it's just polite to use one that doesn't impact others.

Show quote history

😂😂
Sorry but it’s poo.
A very normal bodily function we all have. You and the OP included.

If that’s such an issue, I do hope @funnypost isnt using said ensuite to have a poo either and hide away in another bathroom. One her dh doesn't use either because god forbid he might smell HER poo.

I can’t believe people on here are advocating a 3 bathrooms house for 2 peoole because smelling poo is so offensive. 😵‍💫😵‍💫

Spinachpastapicker · 10/06/2025 08:40

ObstreperousCushion · 10/06/2025 07:49

It’s just a smell. I suspect you’re reacting strongly because you have feelings about contamination, dirt, disgust attached to that smell. But it is just a smell, that will do you no harm.

I find disgust about bodily functions pretty childish, and something that some women do to show how feminine they are. It’s irritating, even though I know it’s probably learned behaviour from childhood.

I agree. There’s something pathetic about being so squeamish about perfectly normal daily activities. I wanted to vote that OP was BU simply for the insufferably twee “doing his business”. Urgh. He’s taking a dump, having a shit, curling one out. Totally normal.