AIBU to worry so much about myself when my elderly invalid mother passes?

Whatever @Nosuchthing2025 No lectures have been given here except by you. Why is that? Self appointed thread police to derail a “deeply distressed” OP? Give yourself a gold star.

go on a cruise for single people.

With what money?

Perhaps the person who suggested this was fortunate enough to be left even a small bequest. But it’s highly likely that, as well as not being employed outside her caring responsibilities, the OP will inherit almost nothing. If her mother had anything to leave it would already have been used up in caring for her.

So there may well be no lovely cruises to look forward to.

Rightio then. You’re absolutely right of course, everyone has the same experience as you, Google talks shite, and you know what others are thinking. Bravo.

Why is is strange? Having googled it is it very outdated in British English use, and the government website has a page about terminology not to use, and invalid to describe a disabled person is on there as a word not to use for inclusivity. Maybe it is in use in different cultures or age groups but not in mine.

Really? Invalid is and always has been a very common term. How strange.

OneBlossomBee gave good advice. I would only add to find a grief counsellor now, don't wait, as you are experiencing anticipatory grief and it would be good for you to have a relationship with them for when the day comes. Grief counselling groups might also offer you solace and a way to interact more with others who have some understanding of your experience.

You are already experiencing grief and loss over your loss of job, life, home. These are all valid things to grieve.

Grief counsellors help with bereavement, but also grief and loss in itself which comes in many different forms.

☺️ No worries it’s pronounced in-vah-lid instead of in-vaal-lid (like valid) (I’m terrible at phonetic spelling so excuse my clunkiness.)

@WildHasBeen Sorry for the derail. I think that @OneBlossomBee really gave some great advice and I don’t think I could add anything else to it except my warm thoughts for both you and your mum.

Oh, thanks. I haven’t heard of disabled people being called invalid before.

I am sorry you are going through the hard and often lonely role of being carer for your elderly mum. It is a role which you do sacrifice your life for and give up so much to do it. Do you have any support, a sibling or adult children? Are there any carer's groups? Could you get respite for your mum and go on a small holiday? You will mourn and feel the loss deeply and that not only the terrible loss of your mum, but the loss of the role that has become your life. I was a carer for my mum so understand your concerns and if you have family then try to talk to them and get emotional support. Plan a trip away after the loss, see an old friend, go on a cruise for single people, join some volunteering group to get back into working and to meet others, but don't shut yourself away. Grief counselling would also be a great help for you. The advise is to not make any big decisions in the first year after losing someone, but don't hide away from any family or friends.

I think it’s invalid as in disabled. Not as in not valid.

@WildHasBeen you’ll figure it out. It probably won’t be easy but you’ll rebuild your life.

Why is your mother invalid? It sounds like you love her and she has value. Surely she counts as a valid person?

You’ll grow into your new world, as tough as it might be. There is no point speculating now about it as you don’t know what the future holds.