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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Awful mum

67 replies

absolutelynoideaat · 09/06/2025 23:27

I’m absolutely at the end of my rope with my autistic daughter and I’m feeling like the worst Mum ever. She is almost 10 and she absolutely drives me insane 😢. For years I have to constantly repeat everything I say. I feel myself getting so burnt out. Every day is a constant battle for her to do absolutely anything. And she always says I shout at her… problem is I constantly get What What… so I do end up shouting.. Then I feel like sht. I’m heading for perimenopause and I’m an absolute dragon! My job is sht my life feels an absolute mess. My partner has an autoimmune disorder and I really resent it!! He manages to work fine but can’t manage at home… Problem being I know it’s absolutely so bad for him cause he’s working to provide for us… I work part time but lately I absolutely hate my job… I really want to run away… I’m feel so bitter and trapped. I’ve hated our house since we moved here.. it’s council and we were very lucky to get it… Problem is I’ve never settled here and it depresses me so much. Everything I touch seems to feck up, I just want to disappear. Feeling like a complete failure and I’m lost in what to do. I’m an absolute mess. Any advice is welcome cause the way I’m feeling is scaring the absolute sh*t out of me!!

OP posts:
Original poster
absolutelynoideaat · 09/06/2025 23:59

Humberston · 09/06/2025 23:54

@absolutelynoideaat oh I do feel for you, when my autistic son was 10 I really struggled too. I was lucky in that I was a single parent and he went to his dads regularly so I got a break to recharge my batteries. Is there any way at all you could get some time for yourself, or find a support group so you know you're not alone in your feelings? I can't remember the name of the service, but there was a phone line for parents that I used to call just to vent or cry when my sons behavior really got on top of me.

Also (and I hope you dont find this patronising) can you access any courses or read up on strategies to help you parent your daughter without getting overwrought?

The absolute joke in all this is that I’m a Support Worker for special needs yet I’m absolutely failing my daughter.. I’m fully trained in all this.. yet at home I’m struggling every day

OP posts:
SaulHudsonDavidJones · 09/06/2025 23:58

Kirstk · 09/06/2025 23:52

Count your blessings she can talk my son has autism as well as other conditions and is non verbal.

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It’s not a race to the bottom, have some empathy.

SaulHudsonDavidJones · 09/06/2025 23:56

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Wow, way to kick someone when they’re down!

Enough4me · 09/06/2025 23:56

OP, ignore the messages telling you to relax or count yourself lucky.
Life isn't fair and sometimes it's really overwhelming. You are working hard at it and you do matter.
Are there any small things you have thought about trying for a change or little wins you have enjoyed?

Original poster
absolutelynoideaat · 09/06/2025 23:55

Kirstk · 09/06/2025 23:52

Count your blessings she can talk my son has autism as well as other conditions and is non verbal.

Show quote history

I’m not trying to compete with anyone I’m just looking for some support cause I’m drowning. If I could change your situation I absolutely would. I’m asking for advice

OP posts:
GG1986 · 09/06/2025 23:54

I'm also in this situation with my daughter and it's so hard, no advice but know you are not alone. X

Humberston · 09/06/2025 23:54

@absolutelynoideaat oh I do feel for you, when my autistic son was 10 I really struggled too. I was lucky in that I was a single parent and he went to his dads regularly so I got a break to recharge my batteries. Is there any way at all you could get some time for yourself, or find a support group so you know you're not alone in your feelings? I can't remember the name of the service, but there was a phone line for parents that I used to call just to vent or cry when my sons behavior really got on top of me.

Also (and I hope you dont find this patronising) can you access any courses or read up on strategies to help you parent your daughter without getting overwrought?

Original poster
absolutelynoideaat · 09/06/2025 23:52

XelaM · 09/06/2025 23:47

OP I completely understand how you feel and feel very much the same at the moment. No advice but a lot of solidarity x

It’s so sh*t is it. I’m trying to get out this mess and I feel like I’m just treading water

OP posts:
Kirstk · 09/06/2025 23:52

absolutelynoideaat · 09/06/2025 23:27

I’m absolutely at the end of my rope with my autistic daughter and I’m feeling like the worst Mum ever. She is almost 10 and she absolutely drives me insane 😢. For years I have to constantly repeat everything I say. I feel myself getting so burnt out. Every day is a constant battle for her to do absolutely anything. And she always says I shout at her… problem is I constantly get What What… so I do end up shouting.. Then I feel like sht. I’m heading for perimenopause and I’m an absolute dragon! My job is sht my life feels an absolute mess. My partner has an autoimmune disorder and I really resent it!! He manages to work fine but can’t manage at home… Problem being I know it’s absolutely so bad for him cause he’s working to provide for us… I work part time but lately I absolutely hate my job… I really want to run away… I’m feel so bitter and trapped. I’ve hated our house since we moved here.. it’s council and we were very lucky to get it… Problem is I’ve never settled here and it depresses me so much. Everything I touch seems to feck up, I just want to disappear. Feeling like a complete failure and I’m lost in what to do. I’m an absolute mess. Any advice is welcome cause the way I’m feeling is scaring the absolute sh*t out of me!!

Count your blessings she can talk my son has autism as well as other conditions and is non verbal.

XelaM · 09/06/2025 23:47

OP I completely understand how you feel and feel very much the same at the moment. No advice but a lot of solidarity x

Original poster
absolutelynoideaat · 09/06/2025 23:43

Sorry Charliebear322 I’m just so sensitive right now. I’m taking everything to heart x

OP posts:
Original poster
absolutelynoideaat · 09/06/2025 23:40

Appreciate your reply I feel like such a failure. I’m so short tempered and angry all the time. Snappy and awful. I’m just so nippy. I have had an appointment with my doctor and was told it’s perimenopause but I’m so irritated and horrible I feel like I’ve lost myself and I just want to curle up and disappear

OP posts:
SaintNoMountainHighEnough · 09/06/2025 23:39
  1. It's ok to not be ok. It's a starting point.
  2. What kind of things did you enjoy before parenthood?
Charliebear322 · 09/06/2025 23:36

absolutelynoideaat · 09/06/2025 23:31

Thanks for the helpful advice… if only that helped

No it really does just try to relax and let go more and have fun

Flipslop · 09/06/2025 23:32

absolutelynoideaat · 09/06/2025 23:27

I’m absolutely at the end of my rope with my autistic daughter and I’m feeling like the worst Mum ever. She is almost 10 and she absolutely drives me insane 😢. For years I have to constantly repeat everything I say. I feel myself getting so burnt out. Every day is a constant battle for her to do absolutely anything. And she always says I shout at her… problem is I constantly get What What… so I do end up shouting.. Then I feel like sht. I’m heading for perimenopause and I’m an absolute dragon! My job is sht my life feels an absolute mess. My partner has an autoimmune disorder and I really resent it!! He manages to work fine but can’t manage at home… Problem being I know it’s absolutely so bad for him cause he’s working to provide for us… I work part time but lately I absolutely hate my job… I really want to run away… I’m feel so bitter and trapped. I’ve hated our house since we moved here.. it’s council and we were very lucky to get it… Problem is I’ve never settled here and it depresses me so much. Everything I touch seems to feck up, I just want to disappear. Feeling like a complete failure and I’m lost in what to do. I’m an absolute mess. Any advice is welcome cause the way I’m feeling is scaring the absolute sh*t out of me!!

you sound so overwhelmed, which also seems understandable in your situation. Treat yourself like your best friend, be very kind and understanding to yourself and reach out for support (via gp / charity / private therapy if you can afford it) things can totally get better with the right help x

Original poster
absolutelynoideaat · 09/06/2025 23:31

Thanks for the helpful advice… if only that helped

OP posts:
Charliebear322 · 09/06/2025 23:28

This reply has been deleted

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