Awful mum

Male doctor I’ll bet? Often bloods will show normal as your cycles are all over. Ask your surgery if they have a Gp specialising in women’s health. Or a friend went private and it was a couple of hundred pounds but hers prescriptions via NHS. We don’t just have to put up and suffer. That rhetoric should have changed by now. Makes my blood boil to hear of women being treated like this.

Being burned out and having depression will do that to you as well. Whether or not you are peri-menopausal.

You say your daughter is autistic, could she have pathological demand avoidance? From what I hear it's very common for autism. Maybe look into that. I believe there are quite a few strategies on how to deal with it.

And is this commenter from the 1970s? 🤷

She wants advice! Telling her to put her big girl pants on isn't helpful? We all have different and difficult situations and sometimes we need to vent and have a cry, it doesn't mean we aren't thankful for our children.

Definitely get yourself back to the GP, I am not saying that HRT is a magic remedy but last year I felt like I was losing my mind but since being on HRT I feel more like myself, I have more energy and patience. Be kind to yourself, it sounds like you are really overwhelmed. Do you have a chance to do anything for yourself? Even just to go for a walk, read, have a coffee in peace and quiet. It seems small but for me it helps so much even if it's just an hour to myself.

You’re still making it about you.

I'm not trying to compete im just saying gratitude changes situations around count what you do have instead of what you dont. I understand how hard it is believe me I do but you need to pull on your big girl pants because your daughter needs you. I have zero support so I know how hard it is.

It is so hard. I went through peri for two years, then a hysterectomy. I felt like I almost lost myself, the irritability and anxiety was overwhelming.

Please see yourself with patience and grace. This stuff is hard - you are handling a very challenging situation!

On a practical level, HRT was a life saver for me. NHS was not helpful, I ended up going private and paying through the nose. But there could be options available via your GP if you push.

I hope,the Doctor can offer some help. You sound like you have a lot on your plate. Do you make time for yourself? Have you friends or family who could help. Lots of people just muddle along and try and manage when they really need help. Can you sit down with your husband and have a proper think about what, if anything, you could do to make life a little easier? Can you afford any help? Can you book a babysitter once a week? Can you drop extra curricular activities, start online shopping, do bulk cooking, plan some decorating. Or something?.??
Im sure you will have already thought of all these types things but I think it can be helpful to look at the situation in a more structured way. My husband and I very occasionally had meetings where we kept minutes and signed them. It was all done in good humour but it was useful too. He was extremely busy with work and it was good to allocate some time when we would both concentrate on what needed doing.

You can’t change your DD and you can’t change your husbands illness so you have to look at things you can change.
Im someone that doesn’t have a temper and is naturally very mellow so was shocked at how frustrated and wound up I felt with menopause. HRT was a game changer for me.

Feeling your absolute overwhelm ❤️xx
Check out Mel Robbins podcasts and the
‘Let Them’ theory - she was on This Morning yesterday if you can get it on catch up .
Inspiring and empowering . X

Is that helpful really? It's not a competition.

@absolutelynoideaat when you go back to the Dr, have them specifically check your thyroid. PROPERLY. Don't be fobbed off.

I was an out of control mess and thought it was peri-menopause, but it turned out my thyroid was super underactive. A small little tablet sorted me out in just a week.

Good luck!

how massively lacking in compassion. You could just scroll on and say nothing rather than get into a pissing contest.

Also are you on the spectrum too ? Menopause and asd is hard and you need extra help with burnout

Autism isn’t all “ special “ gifts and joy is it , I get it . Firstly Get down the docs and get hrt to deal with the menopause

maybe other meds to cope with the overwhelm

can you ask anyone for a break or support?
what about asd support groups online - even just to vent ?

Jesus. I hope you’re not like this in actual life! You could have just left it alone, have some empathy ffs.

Aren't you a fucking delight?

OP don't apologise to this absolute wanker, it sounds like you're doing your best and are exhausted. I find the constantly repeating myself one of the hardest parts of parenting! My sister has 2 autistic children a similar age and they are lovely but it is very hard work.

Go back to GP and say look if you can't help i want a referral because this is severely impacting my life and I will not be fobbed off. A lot of NHS treatment these days is pushing and shoving till they listen to you. It is maddening how many women are told to just get on with it.

You're not an awful mum, you're doing your best under really hard circumstances. Be kind to yourself.

My SEND child is slightly older now but a few years ago I was in exactly the same position. Trust me you’re doing better that you think.

At the time I didn’t know what was wrong and honestly thought I was going mad. I can only echo what others have said HRT it’s a game changer. I was terrified my Dr wouldn’t prescribe it (lots of horror stories from neighbours) so went via a woman’s clinic and then switched back to my GP. Changing my diet also helped as well as meditation and spiritual practices.

Once that was under control I found I had more patience to be able to cope with repeating myself, dealing with meltdowns and all the challenges parenting a SEND child brings. It’s still not easy but hey that’s the nature of our lives. If you’re not already then try to meet other parents in the same situation. One of the best days of my life was the first day of their specialist secondary school and finding a network of parents/carers who had been there, got the t shirt and were completely non judgemental.

Our lives are completely overwhelming without all the added on life stuff and it is really difficult to find time for yourself. Could you find little things that spark joy for you that can be slotted into a busy day. For me it’s growing things in pots (not gardening as that’s too much but pots I can manage!), a cup of proper loose leaf tea, crocheting or knitting squares or if I’m feeling really flush a full episode of something light and bright on the 5 app.

Totally empathise with you OP. I feel alot like you do. My son is 4 and has autism. Every day is hard, everything is a battle - getting dressed, transition, leaving the house, going to school, brushing teeth, eating, bedtime, bath time. He's very aggressive. I'm so drained. I've tried to go back to work self employed but I'm working when he's in school and then 10pm to 2am and I'm exhausted. He needs so much more than a NT kid. My husband tries to help but is about as useful as a chocolate teapot and my son only wants me and goes berserk otherwise which makes things worse. I can't see it getting better but I've come to accept that sometimes life isn't fair and it is a bit shit. What has helped is having friends in a similar position and also just booking weekends away - by myself or going to see friends or a night off. You can't pour from an empty cup and you're doing an amazing job even if it doesn't feel like it. Surround yourself with the right people. I had some of DH family who were really critical of DS behaviour/our life etc and I've cut them off and I feel better for it.

Sending you lots of love and prayers 🙏 you're clearly overwhelmed....could you possibly take some time out and go on a vacation/staycation it will help you recharge. As for peri menopause it sucks ...either go to your GP get some meds or look online for alternative remedies that can help with the symptoms. I take Ashwaganda for my stress, it also helps me relax as I take it at night.. magnesium glycinate tab at night helps with sleep too.
If moving away isn't an option then make that house your home... little changes that are appealing to you will help. Basically work with your situation, accept it and change your perspectives, don't stress with what you can't control, change your mindset. Involve your friends and family if you can with some help or even a chat to keep you sane. Honestly just try to step back and literally try to chill and relax...go for walks, do something that helps bring your stress levels down. Xx

When you’re under stress, cortisol and other stress hormones go up which means the body prioritizes the production of those over production of progesterone (a calming hormone for most). Progesterone is what drops first in peri whilst oestrogen spikes higher. Hence the rage… So hrt doesn’t always work for peri - it can but it’s often about needing more progesterone than oestrogen in the early days.. Google ways to increase progesterone and you’ll find it’s stress management (and you’ve got lots of stuff going on so that’s prob the most important for you)… cbt, therapy, exercise, getting outside, cleaner eating, no alcohol - the opposite of what we do when stressed basically. It sounds shit and it’s not a magic pill but if hrt isn’t for you yet, then these things will help - even just a little bit. Also are you getting all benefits you need? Can you get some respite care? I don’t know enough about carers etc but go online or ask ChatGPT. You can’t pour from an empty cup..,

It sounds as though you really, really need a break. You are probably doing too much and not having time for yourself. I know your husband has health issues but he manages to work so he could give you a break for a weekend surely?
Have you tried looking for a different job?
Are there any extra activities or groups your daughter could join?
I'm not surprised you're stressed with your mental load, you need time for yourself. Youre not a bad mother, you are doing a lot for others, at home and in work, you need to look after yourself too

This.

Agree with others, go back to another GP and get on HRT is your first step. I have DD16 with AuDHD. Just try and reframe things a bit, she can’t help it so deep breath and repeat yourself. I find when mine has a meltdown I just go into soothe mode “it’s ok, it’s ok, your fine”
it helps her and me.

Work might be better once the HRT kicks in, if it doesn’t then start looking for something else.

Are you ending up having to do absolutely everything in the house? That would give me the rage too.