My daughter wants to go abroad without me

Let this young woman go. When I was 16, I travelled alone from a tiny rural area in England to an equally tiny village in Nairobi in East Africa, via London, England. I was met at Nairobi airport by my school friend's uncle (who I had never met before) and we drove for two hours through villages where the indigenous people threw rocks and spears at us. When we arrived at the friend's farm, all the cattle were dead, as they had been poisoned by the people who worked on the farm. This was during the Mau Mau uprising. I survived, as did my friend's family, and I had a fabulous time.

Of course she can go at 16, I can't believe what all the fuss is about.
My daughter went off to France at age 13, travelled on her own (we left her at the airport in the hands of the airline, pen friend met her at the other end).
We had never met the family she was staying with although our daughter had met the pen friend when she visited England - this was a private arrangement and not organised by school, so the family hadn't been vetted or anything. But it worked out fine....

Travel broadens horizons and at 16, she's certainly old enough to know a bit about life and the world. I would just check, before she goes, that she's aware of the dangers of going off with groups of "new people" she meets and the possibilities of spiked drinks etc., and also that she's thought through what she might do if she ends up doing a lot of babysitting while the 23 year old is clubbing - boundaries and all that.

Hopefully they'll enjoy the trip together and it'll be great, if she ends up having a shit time she has also learned a valuable lesson in life. If you don't let her learn these lessons she will never become a well-rounded, responsible adult herself.

erm are you from the uk?
No school isn’t over for many- they go on to school 6th form and do levels or a Btech. Others go to college. Education of some kind is mandatory until 18, even in work or an apprenticeship. Uni is after year 13 so students would be 18 turning 19. You can’t legally rent with a contract unless you are 18 so I assume you mean uni living at home or similar? Unis here won’t have someone under 18 living in halls. Unless you are not from England or your knowledge is from decades ago.

I'd say no purely because you don't know the cousin. If you make a concerted effort to meet her and get to know her then I'd maybe consider it. I'd also ask for her dad's input as I'm assuming he knows his niece. I'd want to know whether he thinks she is responsible or is likely to use your dd as childcare. Another worry is if she is emotionally mature enough, if she falls out with her cousin she'd be potentially stuck there till her flight back. If she's mature enough that's fine but if not then it's would be a hassle and a half.

How does the op know this is a responsible adult? She’s doesn’t know what the 23 year old is like at all

My husband was just about to turn 17 when he went. So thanks.
and the OP said her daughter “will be finished secondary next year and will be 16”. So whats after swcondary? Uni, gap year or work? Schools over!

Oh absolutely, and would not recommend to anyone, it was hard!

The point being though at 16 you need guidance still, but, also allowed to take some responsibility for yourself & independence

I'm glad it's a success story for you but that would be a very tough start most would want to avoid.

There is a lot less teenage pregnancy these days and most people would do anything to protect their kids from having too much responsibility too young and being so financially and socially vulnerable. Did you want your kids to also have famiies that young or were you more protective than your parents were?

This is no different to going on a school trip - safer in some ways as DD will be with a caring related adult. As other PP’s have said - parenting is about preparing your child for independent adulthood and letting them go away without you but with the safety net of a responsible adult is an important skill in building resilience, self confidence and maturity. You need to let go.

Sounds like an amazing opportunity. Guessing her cousin is a single mum so gives her company and extra help with her toddler, hardly a big boozy party holiday

🤣🤣🤣 of course it’s real, I may look older now but can promise you I’m not from the Tudor times!
Ive been with my now hubby since I was 13, which was when I got pregnant by him.
Not ideal, and had number 2 at 15.
Had our own place at 16 - you can rent at 16, or could back then unsure if you can now.
We had DC 3 at 19.
It was hard at the time but now we are mid 40’s they are all grown up & it’s all been worth it!

Rubbish, there are plenty of genuine concerns here. It's not a straight no, but there are several things to check out first as a caring parent. Not all adults are responsible or capable of looking after a 16 year old and there are dodgy guys hanging about these resorts. They can be unsafe, particularly for a non-streetwise 16 year old, if someone isn't looking out for them. Her cousin may well look out for her, but the OP doesn't know that at the moment.

The main thing I’d be concerned about here is the 23 year old’s expectations around how much “help” or babysitting she will expect with the toddler.

If the mum is paying then it’s reasonable to expect some help in return but your dd needs to be careful that she doesn’t spend the entire holiday running around after or stuck in a room with the toddler whilst the 23 year old sunbathes and drinks.

This is difficult for you to gauge how likely it is as you don’t know her but could her dad maybe facilitate a conversation to set some boundaries?

@PalePinkPeony and certainly not something to aspire to

You had 2 of your own children by 16?? How did you have your own home? That can’t be real, sound like something from the Tudor times

People don’t go to uni at 16?

Is she a trusted adult @Samesame47?

The question is not whether the OP's child can travel safely on an aeroplane to a foreign destination starting with a B. It's about the destination itself and the circumstances of the visit. You don't think a 23 year old woman is capable of going and having a little drink and making new friends for herself? In... Benidorm?

I don't think a 16 yr old should ever be forced to be an unpaid childminder for a toddler, so we differ. Especially not in that kind of location. At best the kid is going to be quite miserable and bored much of the time.

Where did you stay?

No, I would be wary- I have a dd who is just turning 16. She’s a good girl but not streetwise, been fairly sheltered thus far due to being in an all girls school in a lovely area and spending all her time either studying or doing the sports she loves.
Abroad I would want someone responsible who I trusted to be with her.
Im sure there are plenty of cool mums here who let their children backpack round Outer Mongolia alone at 14 or whatever but personally to me the world has some pretty evil people in it and its just not worth the risk until I felt that my child was older and more streetwise

She is travelling with a trusted adult who is a family member that she is very close
too. I see no issue here, let her go and enjoy her free holiday.

I really miss the laugh reaction.

At 16, can you even say ‘no’?

I went to Spain with 3 friends at that age, just after our GCSEs. I paid for it myself so told, rather than asked my parents.

What’s the problem with that? Her daughter won’t be clubbing, she will be babysitting. I doubt a 23yr old will go out alone clubbing. Maybe she just wants some company and a good choice is her cousin who she is close to. Benidorm is for families aswell as clubbing.

Financial reasons perhaps.