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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My daughter wants to go abroad without me

262 replies

Protectivemama · 09/06/2025 22:40

My daughter will be finishing secondary school next year and will have just turned 16. She wants to go on holiday after she leaves to go to Benidorm with her cousin, aged 23, who's offered to pay for the entire thing and will be taking her 2 yr old. My daughter has never been abroad before and neither me or her dad will be in the position to go. It's not that I don't want her to have such a wonderful opportunity but I think she is still far too young and not mature enough to be travelling abroad without parents so I've said no. For context, me and dad have been separated for many years and I hardly know the cousin(his side of the family) anymore but my daughter is very close to her. My daughter's safety is the most important thing in the world to me so when I think of all the things that could go wrong it reinforces this belief but AIBU??

OP posts:
Myoldbear · 10/06/2025 13:18

feelingbleh · 10/06/2025 13:10

Or op could do the normal thing of speaking to ex husband to find out a bit more about cousin and she could also speak to dd who apparently spends a lot of time with cousin so when she goes around in the evening do they spend the evening together or does cousin just go out. Rather then randoms online just making up random shit.

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Yes, direct communication is always best; I definitely agree with that.
I also think a bit of forward thinking (imagination) is useful to make a good decision though.

Rewis · 10/06/2025 13:18

I can see being very iffy if it was two 16yo going together. But 16 and a 23yo family member wouldn't be a concern for me. The but for me is why is the 23yo doing this? Are they close and she just wants to? Or is your daughter going to be babysitting 24/7?

BruFord · 10/06/2025 13:18

ButteredRadishes · 09/06/2025 22:51

To babysit whilst 23 yo goes out clubbing.

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@ButteredRadishes That was my first thought too!

It’s not a bad plan as long as the DD understands that’s the idea. She’ll still get the sun and pool time during the day.

Dancingintherainxxx · 10/06/2025 13:15

LillyPJ · 10/06/2025 06:20

It's not compulsory.

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In the country where I live that wouldn't be the norm didn't realise this happened in the UK that's terrible.

Dancingintherainxxx · 10/06/2025 13:13

Nosuchthing2025 · 10/06/2025 01:16

Christ, this comment reeks of entitlement and over privilege.

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Are you joking ? She's 16 and never been abroad. That's bizzare. Abroad is Ireland and France let alone far away. No wonder mum is worried she won't take her anywhere let alone let her go anywhere !

feelingbleh · 10/06/2025 13:10

Myoldbear · 10/06/2025 13:07

Well so far you've focused on the good parts of this complex situation.
Anyone can imagine how the holiday could be either brilliant or terrible.
I think the key is to weigh up pros and cons as far as possible and decide based on that.
It's not an easy choice at all which is why there's lots of different opinions.

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Or op could do the normal thing of speaking to ex husband to find out a bit more about cousin and she could also speak to dd who apparently spends a lot of time with cousin so when she goes around in the evening do they spend the evening together or does cousin just go out. Rather then randoms online just making up random shit.

Myoldbear · 10/06/2025 13:07

feelingbleh · 10/06/2025 12:46

Such as ?

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Well so far you've focused on the good parts of this complex situation.
Anyone can imagine how the holiday could be either brilliant or terrible.
I think the key is to weigh up pros and cons as far as possible and decide based on that.
It's not an easy choice at all which is why there's lots of different opinions.

ButteredRadishes · 10/06/2025 13:02

BIossomtoes · 10/06/2025 13:00

Ah, that would be why my 80 year old sil and her husband spend a month there every summer. All is now crystal clear.

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Yep, they're out til 8am raving it up 😀😀😀

ButteredRadishes · 10/06/2025 13:01

Imbusytodaysorry · 10/06/2025 12:57

Seriously? And alone ? Why the hell would she take a 2yr old !
Your comment is out of order and judgemental.

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Oh come on. It's not beyond the realm of possibilities is it?

She could easily be organising to go out there with friends as well!

Loads of people take their kids on holiday and then dump them in kids clubs and stuff.

BIossomtoes · 10/06/2025 13:00

Flyswats · 10/06/2025 12:32

It is a "Brits abroad" nightlife place.

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Ah, that would be why my 80 year old sil and her husband spend a month there every summer. All is now crystal clear.

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 10/06/2025 12:59

ButteredRadishes · 09/06/2025 22:51

To babysit whilst 23 yo goes out clubbing.

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This is exactly what I was thinking! Your daughter is going to be babysitting while her cousin is out finding a new baby daddy...

ButteredRadishes · 10/06/2025 12:58

Flyswats · 10/06/2025 12:32

It is a "Brits abroad" nightlife place.

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Parts if it are, yes, but there's also family friendly stuff going on there

Imbusytodaysorry · 10/06/2025 12:57

ButteredRadishes · 09/06/2025 22:51

To babysit whilst 23 yo goes out clubbing.

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Seriously? And alone ? Why the hell would she take a 2yr old !
Your comment is out of order and judgemental.

beAsensible1 · 10/06/2025 12:56

BIossomtoes · 10/06/2025 12:52

I was pregnant with my second child when I was 23. And I certainly knew what to do in an emergency when I was 16. Your post epitomises the ridiculous way we infantalise young people these days.

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if a 16 year old can't google spanish 999 or call the front desk in an emergency there's much bigger problems.

Megifer · 10/06/2025 12:56

Not a chance I'd agree in these circumstances. Yanbu.

beAsensible1 · 10/06/2025 12:52

FoodAppropriation · 10/06/2025 11:50

for a bit of company? Because they are cousins, and other 23 year old won't go on holiday with a toddler?

If you are 23 with a 2 year old, who do you think want to go on holiday wit you? Your mum?

In the real world, toddler or not, it's normal for cousins to spend a bit of time together, even when there's some age gap in between.

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everyone on MN is NC or grey rocking their extended family so they consider cousins to be random 😅

lots of families consider cousins to be close relatives especially outside of this place

BIossomtoes · 10/06/2025 12:52

ginasevern · 10/06/2025 12:14

Exactly. She's 23 not 53. 23 year olds aren't exactly imbued with wordly wisdom themselves. I'd be concerned that my daughter would be used as childcare for the two year old and not know what to do should an emergency arise.

I was pregnant with my second child when I was 23. And I certainly knew what to do in an emergency when I was 16. Your post epitomises the ridiculous way we infantalise young people these days.

feelingbleh · 10/06/2025 12:46

Myoldbear · 10/06/2025 12:42

No!
That isn't it at all.
Obviously that bit is great, but that's not the only consideration.

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Such as ?

FoodAppropriation · 10/06/2025 12:44

ginasevern · 10/06/2025 12:14

Exactly. She's 23 not 53. 23 year olds aren't exactly imbued with wordly wisdom themselves. I'd be concerned that my daughter would be used as childcare for the two year old and not know what to do should an emergency arise.

I'd be very worried if my 16yo didn't know what to do if an emergency arise!

I'd expect them to know just as much as I do there. I am not a trained paramedic or first responder of any kind, there's nothing I know they shouldn't know by that age.

Myoldbear · 10/06/2025 12:42

feelingbleh · 10/06/2025 12:31

What particular situation a single mum going on holiday with her child and taking a relative for company

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No!
That isn't it at all.
Obviously that bit is great, but that's not the only consideration.

beAsensible1 · 10/06/2025 12:41

xPenelopePitstop · 10/06/2025 02:41

So you dont think the young woman she is going with picked Benidorm to party hearty?

No, I’ve not got a scooby. We can all speculate.

The cousin could well fancy roaming the streets of Benidorm alone to “party hearty” and leave her 2yo and cousin alone in the hotel room.

Or the cousin could well have just found a decent deal. Or she knows the area well and likes it there. She may feel sorry for the girl having never been abroad and want to treat her.

Yes Benidorm is a typical party “Brits boozing abroad” spot, but it’s also good for families and kids. I went to Benidorm many times as a young child in the 2000’s with my parents.

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this!

there are much better party cities in spain really if we're being honest.

why would she take the 2 year old, she clearly has family connection if she is close to her cousin. let alone that she'd be roaming around on her own and isn't likely to be making big party mates in a hotel that is 2 year old friendly.

purplecorkheart · 10/06/2025 12:34

If she is going with an older cousin and a toddler I would let her. I would want to speak to the cousin first and also know where they are staying. I would guess the cousin wants some company on the trip.

Most likely they will be going all inclusive and normally those places are strict about not serving under age. I doubt a 16 year old is going to have the funds to go on a bar crawl.

Flyswats · 10/06/2025 12:32

beAsensible1 · 10/06/2025 12:30

why?

it has a family holiday side, lots of child friendly hotels, a theme park for younger children?

just like ibiza. its a big place

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It is a "Brits abroad" nightlife place.

feelingbleh · 10/06/2025 12:31

Myoldbear · 10/06/2025 12:25

Of course not!
It's about risk assessment in this particular situation.

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What particular situation a single mum going on holiday with her child and taking a relative for company

beAsensible1 · 10/06/2025 12:30

Flyswats · 10/06/2025 12:26

I don't think her age is the most relevant factor here, I think the destination is.
I wouldn't send my 17 yr old DD off to Benidorm with an older cousin, or cousins, or even her older brother. But when she was 15 or 16 she went on a group trip to Tanzania and other places.

It's Benidorm that's the problem.

why?

it has a family holiday side, lots of child friendly hotels, a theme park for younger children?

just like ibiza. its a big place