My daughter wants to go abroad without me

But you understand a lot of people don't live like that and people are hairdressers, electricians, nursery nurses, mechanics etc etc so they started adult life way before which meant they could settle down and plan a family a lot sooner. By the time you left education at 21 I'd already been working 5 years and had my own home.

I do know some as I said, but most that did were surprises- a couple were not. I know loads of women! Where I live, most people are studying and pursuing a career in their 20’s and not wanting kids!

Erm,,; yes… but being a fully grown adult doesn’t mean you automatically have a baby growing inside you.. there are choices..

Yes I do live in a more expensive area of the country and London is a commutable train ride away.
Education in my family is of paramount importance. All money and effort is poured into education and sports.
Uni for most, degree apprenticeships for others. No, most people do not go into work at 16 or 18, they are in further education until 21, and then sometimes a masters, or masters whilst working.
Having Babies don’t even factor in plans! In fact, would be a disaster.

A talking point having a baby before 30 wtf you do realise people in their 20s are fully grown adults right

Not in my circles it’s not! Literally almost no one has a baby in their 20’s. The few that do have been a surprise.
20’s are for uni, travelling, partying, career building and being foot loose and fancy free. Marriage comes late 20’s - mid 30’s and kids early / mid 30’s to 40’s
Its a talking point if someone has had a baby before 30

I'm meaning if you live in a city I'm assuming education is more important as their are more job opportunities and its more expensive to live. By a nice area somewhere, where an average starter home is like 300k so you need a good career tto start life. Where i live an average starter home is about 80k their isn't amazing job opportunities so its completely the norm to maybe go to college get an average job meet someone and settle down together.

I must tell my old law school friend, who is now a partner in a top firm, that she is not a responsible adult because she had her three daughters by the time she was about 28.

Imagine not knowing ANY woman who had had a baby in her 20s. How limited is your social circle?

What does that mean? Cities are not nice areas? What’s a nice area?

Do you live in a city or a nice area

No she couldn’t!! It’s illegal for a child under 18 to be married in England ffs.

If i was 16 firstly I wouldn't be asking I'd just be telling you my plans but if you tried to stop me I'd just move out and live with my dad or cousin. She's 16 not 6 you don't own her she can make her own decisions and should be quite independent and capable by that age.

Hardly know anyone who had a baby before 30 and of the few I do know; most were accidents

20 years ago was 2005- no it wasn’t ’the norm then’ go back a coupe of decades it was but since then women’s choices, education, career prospects, maternity pay have come on a very long way (still a long way to go of course)
Horrah! We are no longer breeding machines that have to obey a husband and get sacked when pregnant. So many choices for young women now. A person who choose to become a mum at 20 rather than further education / advancement wouldn’t particularly be my first choice of responsible adult to be with my child overseas without me. Not unless I knew them really really well anyway

I think this is very regional where i live people would be more shocked at a 40 year old having a baby then a 16 year old. In my area most people have their kids in their 20s and are pretty much done by 30. The only people I know who have had kids past 30 its usually from a second marriage and usually a 3rd or fourth kid

She could be married and have a child of her own. If you don't let her go she will resent you and could impact your relationship with her. Let her go but have a chat about keeping safe and being sensible invite cousin over for dinner and get to know them.

I think treating a 16 yo like a young child is ridiculous, but in fairness, I don't know anyone who had a baby in their 20s. It's not "not normal", it's just very unusual, they have other priorities.

All these I went travelling at 16…. When I went traveling through Europe at 19, over 20 years ago, I expected the hostels to be full of 18 year olds. I was surprised to find most were early 20s. I would be unsure of this trip, for several reasons which depend on the dd and the cousin. Would the dd be babysitting a lot and miserable? If y, I’d kindly suggest no, but let her. Will the dd be easily invited off to a bar with a bunch of new friends, being 18,19 year olds? If y, not a chance in hell. 16 is too young to be in a different country with almost no support, since her cousin can hardly leave her 2yo and go out with her.

Also it's only in mumsnet world that everyone has babies at 40. In the real world having a baby in your 20s is completely normal

Jesus Christ, now 23 is too young according to some on this thread? I had two university degrees and was living and working in my fourth country when I was 23.

Can I just say @OutdoorQueen I think you're great and have been so patient answering some really bloody impertinent questions.

Ive been going abroad alone since ive been 16.

Having a baby so young would ring alarm bells

It’s only “so young” in the context of the current trend of 40 year olds having first babies. Up until about 20 years ago 21 was a perfectly normal and unremarkable age to become a parent.

Any how is it misogyny? I would feel the same no matter what the sex of the adult was??

Didn’t say immoral- that’s your word not mine.
If I am sending my 16 year old off with another adult, I would need to be 100000% sure that I fully trusted that adult to be responsible ultimately for my child’s welfare should the need arise.
Having a baby so young would ring alarm bells (for me personally) - no it’s not always a bad thing, but for me and my family not desirable either.
I would feel fully justified in making any judgements I wished when it came to an adult abroad with my child without me.

Judgemental or what? The 23yo is not the single parent here as far as we know (OP is) and they can afford to pay for OP’s daughter. Am astonished that someone can see ‘23yo with a child’ and make a judgement that she may be an immoral or untrustworthy influence. The misogyny with which that is laced is, frankly, rather despicable.