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AIBU?

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Original poster

My daughter wants to go abroad without me

262 replies

Protectivemama · 09/06/2025 22:40

My daughter will be finishing secondary school next year and will have just turned 16. She wants to go on holiday after she leaves to go to Benidorm with her cousin, aged 23, who's offered to pay for the entire thing and will be taking her 2 yr old. My daughter has never been abroad before and neither me or her dad will be in the position to go. It's not that I don't want her to have such a wonderful opportunity but I think she is still far too young and not mature enough to be travelling abroad without parents so I've said no. For context, me and dad have been separated for many years and I hardly know the cousin(his side of the family) anymore but my daughter is very close to her. My daughter's safety is the most important thing in the world to me so when I think of all the things that could go wrong it reinforces this belief but AIBU??

OP posts:
tinaabbot · 09/06/2025 23:17

ButteredRadishes · 09/06/2025 23:14

She was 15 and travelled abroad with no adults anywhere in the journey?

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Yes, she had to be with a 16 year old. That airline rule has since changed. It was for sports training, they were met by coaches at arrivals.

Shes well able to navigate airports etc now

AppropriateAdult · 09/06/2025 23:14

Amae · 09/06/2025 22:49

Why would a 23 year old pay for a 16 year old to go on holiday with her and her 2 year old?

Probably because a holiday alone with a small child can be fairly dull and exhausting, and having another adult along to share the load and hang out with makes it significantly more enjoyable.

oviraptor21 · 09/06/2025 23:14

Amae · 09/06/2025 22:49

Why would a 23 year old pay for a 16 year old to go on holiday with her and her 2 year old?

Because she doesn't want to go by herself, she wants some company and a bit of a hand with the toddler. And she's very close to OP's daughter.

Seems OK to me unless there's some backstory which makes either of them untrustworthy.

ButteredRadishes · 09/06/2025 23:14

tinaabbot · 09/06/2025 23:13

My 16 year old has been out of the country 4 times in the last year without us, or family, The first time she was still 15. Yes I worry about her, but you have to let them spread their wings and grow up

She was 15 and travelled abroad with no adults anywhere in the journey?

tinaabbot · 09/06/2025 23:13

My 16 year old has been out of the country 4 times in the last year without us, or family, The first time she was still 15. Yes I worry about her, but you have to let them spread their wings and grow up

IberianBlackout · 09/06/2025 23:11

I didn’t let mine travel on her own til she turned 18 due to legalities in my country, but with a responsible adult I don’t see why not. She’s off to Benidorm, not trekking hitchhiking through Mongolia.

My mother always sent us abroad to family and friends growing up and we never had any issues. The only time there was any drama was when I brought a friend.

ButteredRadishes · 09/06/2025 23:09

ScurryfungeSpuddle · 09/06/2025 23:06

Eh?

I was asking why would the 23 year old want to go out clubbing on her own, in a place where she presumably knows no-one else?

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Oh, sorry!

Maybe she's actually going with some mates? And she's thinking she can bring OPs daughter along to babysit.

I dunno.

Like I said it depends on the 23yo, and the relationship between her and the 16yo.

It might be all lovely and cousins having a lovely time playing with 2 yo and just giggling, chatting and playing card games through the evening.

Or it might be that 243yo will fuck off at 10:30pm and return at 8am ...

It aall depends.

ninjahamster · 09/06/2025 23:07

I’d let her go. She’s with an adult and it sounds like they’ll be in a resort so there will be reps etc.

ScurryfungeSpuddle · 09/06/2025 23:06

ButteredRadishes · 09/06/2025 22:55

She 16... Not 6.

16 year olds baby sit all the time.

Edited
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Eh?

I was asking why would the 23 year old want to go out clubbing on her own, in a place where she presumably knows no-one else?

BeliesBelief · 09/06/2025 23:05

YABVU and incredibly selfish.

QuickPeachPoet · 09/06/2025 22:59

You are being massively controlling. I would hazard a guess that this is more about FOMO rather than you actually having any concerns for your daughter's safety.

PrincessOfPreschool · 09/06/2025 22:58

My 16yo is going abroad with 4 other 16yo boys after his exams. It's fine, it's a nice treat and too good an offer to pass up. Same for your daughter. You need to let go of the apron strings a bit or you could lose her.

Ace56 · 09/06/2025 22:57

ButteredRadishes · 09/06/2025 22:54

Depends on the cousin tbh and their relationship with the 16yo.

If the 23yo is a bit of an idiot and likely to dump 2 year old on the 16yo of a night...the nope.

If 23 yo is a nice young lady and just wants to see her favourite cousin who she's been close to have her first ever holiday abroad and she can facilitate that with her auntie's blessing. And they'll have fun with 2 year old in the pool, on the beach, going to explore the local town during the day and back for chilled evenings... Then great.

This. What’s the motive of the 23 year old here? Why is she willing to pay for the 16 year old? Are they great mates (despite the age gap) or is the 23 year old just wanting a free babysitter while she goes off and has a wild time? What kind of person is she?

ButteredRadishes · 09/06/2025 22:56

HMW19061 · 09/06/2025 22:55

They’re taking a 2 year old with them, it’s not like they’ll be hitting the clubs and bars every night is it?? Let her go, you’re definitely being unreasonable.

Well... The 23 yo might if she has a convenient babysitter...

goodnightssleepbenice · 09/06/2025 22:56

I would let her go , can’t imagine it’s going to be a wild holiday with a 2 year old there and her cousin would enjoy your dd’s company by the sound of it .

HMW19061 · 09/06/2025 22:55

They’re taking a 2 year old with them, it’s not like they’ll be hitting the clubs and bars every night is it?? Let her go, you’re definitely being unreasonable.

ButteredRadishes · 09/06/2025 22:55

ScurryfungeSpuddle · 09/06/2025 22:53

On her own?

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She 16... Not 6.

16 year olds baby sit all the time.

CatsWee · 09/06/2025 22:54

You have a whole year to get to know the cousin.

ButteredRadishes · 09/06/2025 22:54

Depends on the cousin tbh and their relationship with the 16yo.

If the 23yo is a bit of an idiot and likely to dump 2 year old on the 16yo of a night...the nope.

If 23 yo is a nice young lady and just wants to see her favourite cousin who she's been close to have her first ever holiday abroad and she can facilitate that with her auntie's blessing. And they'll have fun with 2 year old in the pool, on the beach, going to explore the local town during the day and back for chilled evenings... Then great.

OneFineDay13 · 09/06/2025 22:54

YesHonestly · 09/06/2025 22:52

My worry with somewhere like Benidorm is that she’d meet a group of older teens and go off drinking with them.

Its a party place, she’s 16 - she’s not going to want to stay in with her cousin and a toddler every evening.

I don’t know OP, I don’t think I’d be comfortable either.

Same

YourSnugHazelTraybake · 09/06/2025 22:53

Amae · 09/06/2025 22:49

Why would a 23 year old pay for a 16 year old to go on holiday with her and her 2 year old?

Quite likely that it won't cost the cousin any more to take the 16 year old. Single parent would be paying for two adults anyway in most cases as hotel prices are based on two adults sharing , or have single supplements. She may also get a free child place if there's two adults, and 16yr old would qualify as adult for hotel and flights.

ScurryfungeSpuddle · 09/06/2025 22:53

ButteredRadishes · 09/06/2025 22:51

To babysit whilst 23 yo goes out clubbing.

Edited
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On her own?

ScurryfungeSpuddle · 09/06/2025 22:52

Amae · 09/06/2025 22:49

Why would a 23 year old pay for a 16 year old to go on holiday with her and her 2 year old?

Quite possibly because her 23 year old mates are likely to want a boozy holiday, and that's not what she wants when she has a toddler with her?

YesHonestly · 09/06/2025 22:52

My worry with somewhere like Benidorm is that she’d meet a group of older teens and go off drinking with them.

Its a party place, she’s 16 - she’s not going to want to stay in with her cousin and a toddler every evening.

I don’t know OP, I don’t think I’d be comfortable either.

Tiswa · 09/06/2025 22:51

Parenting means letting go and allowing your child to be an adult.

she will be 16 and with a close cousin for an amazing trip

yes you let her go