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AIBU?

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Exh new GF

157 replies

Sortitout81 · 09/06/2025 22:25

I divorced 5 years ago, we fell out of love, I was with him 17 years in total, we are 43 and have 3 children, 11, 9 and 8 all girls.
The spilt was amicable, we both tried to stay as close to each other (location wise) but that didn't work out due to finances. He's in Chelmsford and I'm in London. However he always done as much as he could, we had a good co parenting relationship, until now.

My XH met his new partner in November, by the end of April she was living with him, he introduced the girls in feb - which went well, they seemed to like her etc until recently.
She hasn't got any children and is 10 years younger, my middle daughter is deaf (completely in one ear, and 30% in right) her speech is fine, we BSL as much as we can at home always have done.
My daughter text me on Sunday saying she wanted to come home early, I asked why she said "daddy's gf is being mean, she won't let her have the subtitles on the TV and said she's not deaf deaf so why does she need it and to stop being a silly little girl" I asked if anyone else heard this she said "yes, daddy did and he never said anything"
Subtitles helps my daughter hugely, no one has ever had a problem with subtitles on the TV so I rang him and told him what was said and his reply was "but she's right (his gf) what's the problem.
I said I would talk to him on handover.
Literally 5 minutes later my eldest daughter rang me and said "dad's gf is screaming at my middle daughter because I called dad telling her off" I could hear the yelling on the phone, it was chaos.

London to Chelmsford isn't a quick drive but I told my XH I was coming to get my children.
At handover, he literally bundled them into my arms and said "don't blame my gf they are turning into little horrors" he's never said this before and was so unlike him.

I text him a essay when I got home as I didn't want the girls to see us arguing and I asked him if I could meet his gf to talk to her, of course he said no.
I then said "ok well until this conversation has been had, no contact with the girls"
He ignored me
His mum contacted me tonight and asked what had happened, I told her and she said I was being unreasonable......dad should still have contact at a neutral place.

I don't think he should at the moment, he doesn't want to "upset" his gf would rather his girls were upset.
I've never stopped contact, not bothered he's in a new relationship (I spilt with someone in march after a year)
It's his first serious relationship since we divorced, and I can't help but think he's been "vagina whipped"

AIBU for stopping this madness

OP posts:
JHound · 09/06/2025 23:11

The new GF is terrible but her father is worse. I predict he will have kids with the new girlfriend soonish and slow fade from your daughter’s lives

steff13 · 09/06/2025 23:10

Maybe she's intimidated by having the subtitles on because she can't read.

She sounds horrible and if my ex referred to our children as little horrors that would be the last time he saw them for a while.

Catsandcannedbeans · 09/06/2025 23:04

I’d have dragged that bitch out into the street by the hair and…. Had a word with her. Hope your daughter is okay OP. My dad’s first wife after my mum was a horrible woman and it had a huge impact on mine and my sisters relationship with him for a long time. He will reap what he sows.

NImumconfused · 09/06/2025 23:02

What a cow! Even people with slight hearing loss finding subtitles helpful, there's no excuse for that kind of behaviour at all, and certainly not for the screaming.

Unfortunately though, it seems like the courts threshold for crap behaviour by NRPs is very high, so if he's the type to pursue contact through court he would probably win. It might be better to try to arrange contact away from his home and GF in the meantime, in case he starts down the parental alienation route.

MrsTWH · 09/06/2025 22:42

YANBU to have collected them, she is a terrible human being and so is your DH for putting her before your girls. I’m so sorry that this is their attitude towards her!

I’m not sure it’s fair to completely cut off contact, but I would say definitely only him and a neutral place (so he travels to them to see them) and possibly supervised if the girls would feel more comfortable.

ButteredRadish · 09/06/2025 22:38

Wow! I don’t know where to start but YADNBU! Introduced his GF to the DC after 2 months!?!
Anyway that psycho GF cannot EVER be around your children again and neither should your XH until he knows how to protect them sufficiently.
Honestly, it sounds like your girls are better off with you. Let him take you to court! If he can find the £10k!

PashaMinaMio · 09/06/2025 22:37

That GF and your ex are being absolutely awful to your dear daughter. It’s ignorant behaviour.

I cannot manage TV without sub-titles. I hope one day one or better still both of them start losing their hearing and their discriminating behaviour comes back to haunt them.

Life is challenging enough for hard of hearing and deaf people. Her father should be her protector not her bully. He’s a pathetic example of being a Dad. A selfish weak pri*k.
Big hug to you and your girls. The deaf community are right behind you. 🧏‍♀️💐