Exh new GF

I agree with what you did but would suggest you do need to maintain contact. I would say to dad that it is not suitable for them to stay with him because of your daughter's needs not being met, but you can arrange for him to meet with the girls (local to you, and supervised it you wanted by another family member). Court never look favourably on a parent who blocks contact and doesn't try to find a solution, so if it did go down this route you would end up looking like the bad guy.
I would keep the text she sent you as evidence that she was being denied use of subtitles.
Also has she previously used subtitles while at his house? I would be speaking to him about knowing her needs and previously this was fine, so it is strange to no longer let her use them which helps her.

I agree with what you did OP.
Do you have a CAO in place?

Oh FUCK no. YANBU. Captions are a completely reasonable accommodation. That gf and your husband are being disgusting. Your daughter isn’t asking for the moon. He should be her protector, and yet he’s ganging up and bullying.
if he thinks they’re turning into terrors, maybe he doesn’t deserve them or you and he can fuck right off with his monstrous new asshole.

So grown woman shouted and screamed at a nine year old partially deaf child because she wanted subtitles on? Their prick of a father, who is only interested in getting his dick wet, not only didn’t stick up for them he backed his new gf.
Don’t do anything let him contact you. Then ask him how is going to protect his children from being abused by this woman. I would be spitting feathers let him do all the running.

Struggling to see what harm subtitles could possibly do. She sounds vile. The father though is appalling, imagine not backing his daughter over that.

The GF is a total bitch and I wouldn’t have her round my kids ever again. Given her behaviour so far, I dread to think how she will escalate in future. Your ex is worse because he has allowed his children to be subjected to her.

I do agree with your ex MIL that he should still be able to see the children without the girlfriend (grandparent’s house?). However. From his reaction so far is he going to bother? It would be genuinely a shame if he didn’t but it would be out of your control.

Gf has got what she wants, no annoying children around and she's pissed you off. See what their Dad suggests about the next meeting, let things cool down a bit first .

he is letting someone discriminate and bully his child over their deafness in front of him?

he is a weak willed, spineless cretin frankly. The fact that he doesn’t have it in him to defend his daughter in his own home.

he is an embarrassment of a father.

but he should be allowed to see them in a neutral place or at MILs.

Do not let the GF anywhere near them. She is a rancid cow.

Firstly…..bravo for keeping your cool when you collected your girls. You have much more grace and decorum than I would have had 🤬

How fucking dare she?
And how dare your ExH.
He’s well aware of his daughter’s additional needs and instead of protecting his daughter he essentially threw her to the wolves (or the bitch 🤷🏻‍♀️🫠 whichever way you want to spin it). What a sad excuse for a man.

And also: who cares about subtitles?!!! I’m not partially deaf, and I have them on every single time I watch TV - helps me keep track of all the dialogue if I’m reading and hearing it at the same time 🤷🏻‍♀️ And yet a 33 year old woman essentially threw a tantrum at a child over subtitles?!!

I’m with you. I’d also be protecting my children from that kind of dickhead behaviour until their dad was ready to pull his big boy pants up and use his big boy words.

You are not at all being unreasonable. The GF was absolutely awful - bully behaviour. I’d be surprised if your daughter wants to go back.

Well done for protecting your children. Unless you can be sure that the abusive GF won't come along and abuse them further, of course he must have no contact with them.

Ignore his mother completely, and block her if she keeps trying to interfere.

I suspect it's a power play, GF is putting herself between your ex and his kids - bitch! Personally I'd not back down, I'd be backing my children 100% in this situation as she's clearly a manipulator

Do your children want to see their dad in a neutral place without his girlfriend present?

I completely agree that this girlfriend is batshit. I am now never amazed how a dad can change just because of a new relationship. Awful behaviour from both.

However... what do the girls want? You have three children who are old enough to have a point of view.

If/when dad takes you to court for access CAFCASS will speak to the kids. This event was obviously about one of your children, but do all 3 feel the same about not seeing their dad?

The courts would start contact again, which is awful. I do think it would be best to try and work this out amicably between you rather than go down the court route as you lose your power/control in the court system.

If the kids do not want to resume the normal contact pattern, I would offer to see the kids in a neutral place, you are there too for support. Of possibly get the kids to do the talking and share with dad how they feel. A conversation with dad now everyone has had time to breath may be useful with the kids talking it may feel less like an attack than if it all comes from you. Or mediation (which is needed before you get to family court anyway), to have a conversation with a neutral third party.

I suppose what I am saying is, prior to this you had a good coparenting relationship. I do not agree with either dad or girlfriend, their actions are horrible and I feel for your daughter. However the court system doesn't always go the way you want, and it is always best to exhaust all options before getting there.

Fucking hell. Of course she's deaf! She might even define herself as Deaf with a capital D, and whether she does or doesn't the GF has absolutely no right to decide how deaf your daughter is. I'm hard of hearing, minimal deafness, and I rely on subtitles so much I rarely go to cinemas now as my local one doesn't do subtitled viewings.

You're in the right. And your ex is disgusting for not standing up for his daughter against this vile ableism.

Why? He deliberately upset his children to keep his girlfriend happy. With that one action he has shown he doesn’t have their best interests at heart, so why should he be allowed to see them? He needs to apologise and make it right before that can happen.

It never ceases to amaze me what some men will do for regular access to sex.

You are in no way being unreasonable - you're protecting your children. If they do see their dad, they've every right to choose whether or not to see him with this woman. I've not been in your situation, but I know hell would freeze over before I let a person treat any of my children like that again. As a mum with children with disabilities (as I also have myself), hearing of someone being so ignorant and spiteful is absolutely appalling. She has no right to be anywhere near your kids and hope she isn't again.

I think him seeing them in a neutral place (Obs without the GF) is fair

Absolutely not. I would not facilitate my children having contact with their father if he allowed his girlfriend to scream at them and stop a deaf child from having the subtitles on the tv - he then backed up the girlfriend instead of his own children! He's supposed to prioritise his children's safety and security - he's shown that he won't do that.

I think you’ve done / are doing the right thing. Sorry for the girls.
They are old enough to have a say as to whether they want to do round there or not - I’d guess not.

Yanbu . I cannot believe he has failed his daughters in this way. They must feel so betrayed that he has so quickly prioritised this woman over them. (although vagina whipped is an appalling misogynist term which is completely unnecessary)

I would have done the same as you. Ex sounds like a prick, why wouldn’t he stick up for his daughter??
The new girlfriend is a bitch.

What a worrying situation - the GF sounds unkind and unhinged, you're absolutely right to protect your daughters from her

However, I'm less sure about stopping contact altogether with the Dad in a neutral place. Are you sure this is best for the girls as opposed to punishing him/using it as leverage to get him to deal with the GF? The relationship with their Dad is very important and to block contact altogether I think will hurt them greatly. I would facilitate this and only if you deem them unsafe or unhappy should you take the NC option.

How awful of the pair of them, especially him. As her father he should stand up for her. Poor thing.

My DC had very similar things at their dads house. Ending in "roast potato gate" which saw them banned from the house for about 6 months. They have barely any relationship with their father now, and changed their surname as soon as they were old enough.