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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be this petty to my husband?

87 replies

HoneyPie12 · 09/06/2025 21:56

So I can only sleep in total darkness and silence like a weird vampire. My husband can only sleep watching TV. We compromised and he watches a film on his ipad with headphones but the flickering of the films also does my head in. Especially fight scenes in films, it lights the bedroom up IYSWIM. Now after the last time of it happening, I waited untill he was in the shower and quickly adjusted all of his ipad brightness settings and put on all of the eye shield/dark mode stuff I could find. He can still watch it obviously, but the screen isn't a big ball of light screaming in my face and his eyes are now very protected (what a kind thoughful wife eh!)😆 😅 I overheard him saying to our son that the ipad might be on the way out and soon I'll have to confess to my crimes which he will no doubt find hilarious. I should also mention that I would sleep with an eyemask on but that makes me feel like I'm going to be attacked by zombies/monsters in the night so I just get annoyed internally at every spec of light intead while being aware the eyemask probably would be a £1 solution to my lifes problems.

Please make me feel better by telling me the very slight, but probably annoying/petty things you do to your partner that makes you secretly a little bit happy!

OP posts:
HoneyPie12 · 09/06/2025 22:53

ClairDeLaLune · 09/06/2025 22:48

YANBU OP. That would drive me insane. If DH is away I have to cover up his alarm clock because I can see it if he’s not there to block it 😂

This is another thing. If he isn't there and the sun comes up without his massive head/shoulders to block it there is a bit of the blinds that let's the sun go on my face dead early in the morning. I actually also think he is inconsiderate for that too! (I could just turn over but it's not the point is it!) X

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HoneyPie12 · 09/06/2025 22:51

Kimmeridge · 09/06/2025 22:43

Not everyone sleeps like a vampire. I sure as hell couldn't share a room with someone who insisted on pitch dark and no noise. I need at least white noise.

If you share a room and dont agree thats when compromise comes into it. Hes not wrong just because its not how you choose to sleep

We share a room and actually don't disagree - he agreed the TV was probably a stretch for me when we stopped all the honeymoon period bedrooms are for sexy time and started being a normal couple who just want to go to bed and watch tik toks/ avoid kids/ read books etc - so he downgraded to an ipad and headphones.

I just silently seethe about the flickering lights because I know internally that saying it out loud to my long suffering husband who just wants to watch a film and go to sleep might not earn me many brownie points 🙃 😅

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BellissimoGecko · 09/06/2025 22:49

He needs to learn to sleep without the TV. What a weird and offputting habit.

ClairDeLaLune · 09/06/2025 22:48

YANBU OP. That would drive me insane. If DH is away I have to cover up his alarm clock because I can see it if he’s not there to block it 😂

HoneyPie12 · 09/06/2025 22:48

Redpeach · 09/06/2025 22:43

So if he needs a dummy, ipad to fall asleep, does it just stay on all night when he nods off?

Yeah I think so. But he watches films so once the film stops and the credits roll it just stays on the black screen I guess? Or the power saver comes on and it closes the screen? Not sure actually! I do find it hilarious that people think it's childish because I don't know any children that need it 🤣

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Kimmeridge · 09/06/2025 22:47

@HoneyPie12 this is what you need - compromise 😄
Might be worth a try tho

AIBU to be this petty to my husband?
Goinggreymammy · 09/06/2025 22:46

HoneyPie12 · 09/06/2025 22:18

The absolute dream. Preferably with about 10 pillows, my arms crossed over my body and the perfect temperature with just a hint of chill... and no husband tossing and turning either. Or kids to wake me at 3am saying they have wet the bed..

Get a blackout sleep tent and put a comfy mattress and lots of pillows in it, and put it in your bedroom.

HoneyPie12 · 09/06/2025 22:46

LaughingCat · 09/06/2025 22:43

Ah! Kindred spirit! I don’t need it to be quiet (as long as the sound is rhythmic like music or a clock ticking) but absolute dark is a must. I cover every light and have to shut the curtains straight away in hotel rooms and stand in the dark, working out where the annoying extra lights might be BEFORE I go to sleep. It’s solemn work. Hate warm rooms and sleep masks as well!

Have you seen these privacy screens? My DH likes to read comics in bed til he falls asleep…they do help cut down the escaping light. Not enough for my precious princess eyelids but a smidge at least!

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Collapsible-Molded-Privacy-Blocker-Protector/dp/B00P1MA98K/

edited to add the link because I’m an eejit.

Edited

Yes!!! Other people just don't understand the delicate sleep eco system required and the fact that all of the normal absolutely right people sometimes accidentally marry weirdos who need tv to sleep!!

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Pawse · 09/06/2025 22:46

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 09/06/2025 22:23

‘Monsters’ how silly

Omg I bet you sleep with a limb hanging over the bed too. You are VERY brave!

What about the monsters under the bed. They'll grab that hanging limb!!

Dontlletmedownbruce · 09/06/2025 22:43

My dh likes a screen to sleep too but I like to read. He watches his screen next door and tiptoes in when sleepy. We always had a no screen in the bedroom rule. If I want to stay up to read I'll go out of the room too. To be fair he is more likely to compromise on this and put on an eye mask and I'll use a little reading light. I don't mind an eye mask but the light from a screen bothers me before I fall asleep, even next to me while reading so it's just not allowed as a general rule.

Kimmeridge · 09/06/2025 22:43

Panterusblackish · 09/06/2025 22:18

Bedrooms are for sleeping not for bloody telly.

It's not about compromise, it's inappropriate of him to be watching a film in the bedroom.

Fellow non mask wearing weird vampire here too OP.

Not everyone sleeps like a vampire. I sure as hell couldn't share a room with someone who insisted on pitch dark and no noise. I need at least white noise.

If you share a room and dont agree thats when compromise comes into it. Hes not wrong just because its not how you choose to sleep

Redpeach · 09/06/2025 22:43

So if he needs a dummy, ipad to fall asleep, does it just stay on all night when he nods off?

LaughingCat · 09/06/2025 22:43

Ah! Kindred spirit! I don’t need it to be quiet (as long as the sound is rhythmic like music or a clock ticking) but absolute dark is a must. I cover every light and have to shut the curtains straight away in hotel rooms and stand in the dark, working out where the annoying extra lights might be BEFORE I go to sleep. It’s solemn work. Hate warm rooms and sleep masks as well!

Have you seen these privacy screens? My DH likes to read comics in bed til he falls asleep…they do help cut down the escaping light. Not enough for my precious princess eyelids but a smidge at least!

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Collapsible-Molded-Privacy-Blocker-Protector/dp/B00P1MA98K/

edited to add the link because I’m an eejit.

HoneyPie12 · 09/06/2025 22:39

JLou08 · 09/06/2025 22:36

Sounds like a reasonable compromise to me.

And me, Jlou! Xx

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HoneyPie12 · 09/06/2025 22:39

HoratioBellsOn · 09/06/2025 22:36

Buy a moulded eye mask. They don't touch your eyes at all. Much more comfy and very cheap on Amazon.

Hmm, that feels like a compromise I actually wasn't expecting to make but would have no actual argument not to agree too! Perhaps a marital game charger.. although I've got a few more days of his ipad being on eye shield/dark mode to enjoy what others have called "being a selfish, uncompromising cow". Xx

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 09/06/2025 22:38

HoneyPie12 · 09/06/2025 22:18

The absolute dream. Preferably with about 10 pillows, my arms crossed over my body and the perfect temperature with just a hint of chill... and no husband tossing and turning either. Or kids to wake me at 3am saying they have wet the bed..

Try the zenlife I got one about a month ago and it is heaven, perfect darkness and stereo sound to soothe you to sleep. I like to listen to book at bedtime followed by the comedy club on radio 4 extra.

JLou08 · 09/06/2025 22:36

Sounds like a reasonable compromise to me.

HoratioBellsOn · 09/06/2025 22:36

HoneyPie12 · 09/06/2025 22:31

I just have eyelashes that I grew myself. The problem is the feel of the eyemask on my face. Solved by not wearing one.

Buy a moulded eye mask. They don't touch your eyes at all. Much more comfy and very cheap on Amazon.

HoneyPie12 · 09/06/2025 22:34

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 09/06/2025 22:30

@HoneyPie12 nah! you are being really petty and selfish to boot!!! wear an eyemask! how long are your bloody lashes? are they fake? darkening the eyepad is really horrible thing to do. I hate it as it is, when film makers seem to turn the studio lights off to film some scenes! you have no clue what you are watching!! not remotely funny!

Also very much enjoying you calling it an "eyepad". I see what you did there 😄 🤣

OP posts:
HoneyPie12 · 09/06/2025 22:34

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 09/06/2025 22:30

@HoneyPie12 nah! you are being really petty and selfish to boot!!! wear an eyemask! how long are your bloody lashes? are they fake? darkening the eyepad is really horrible thing to do. I hate it as it is, when film makers seem to turn the studio lights off to film some scenes! you have no clue what you are watching!! not remotely funny!

Must clarify again, just my regular god given lashes. Cant add extra poll to see if I'm being selfish too, think it's just gotta be unreasonable or not. I can't tell from your message if you think I'm BU... xo

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HoneyPie12 · 09/06/2025 22:31

buckeejit · 09/06/2025 22:29

You should wear the mask & just get used to it - have you fake eyelashes? If so, make adjustments or lose the fake lashes & compromise a bit, or make a large dark tent box for over your head.

I just have eyelashes that I grew myself. The problem is the feel of the eyemask on my face. Solved by not wearing one.

OP posts:
allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 09/06/2025 22:30

@HoneyPie12 nah! you are being really petty and selfish to boot!!! wear an eyemask! how long are your bloody lashes? are they fake? darkening the eyepad is really horrible thing to do. I hate it as it is, when film makers seem to turn the studio lights off to film some scenes! you have no clue what you are watching!! not remotely funny!

zoemum2006 · 09/06/2025 22:30

HoneyPie12 · 09/06/2025 22:19

I think I've found my people. On holiday the fire alarm thing had a little red dot and I just laid there staring at it thinking ill NEVER get to sleep now.

Spoiler alert, I absolutely could fall asleep I'm just irrational about any lights 😄 🤣

The number of times I have covered red hotel lights with towels or jackets. The tv/ alarm clocks. It's got to be done. I'd be prepared to gorilla tape it if absolutely necessary.

buckeejit · 09/06/2025 22:29

You should wear the mask & just get used to it - have you fake eyelashes? If so, make adjustments or lose the fake lashes & compromise a bit, or make a large dark tent box for over your head.

HoneyPie12 · 09/06/2025 22:28

PizzaSophiaLoren · 09/06/2025 22:26

Can’t he sleep in the dressing room (or airing cupboard if you don’t have a dressing room)?

I do like the heating on and the lights on when DH isn’t about.

The HEATING on?! The LIGHTS?! I'm sorry to tell you we could never, ever be married. I will have a chat with him about the airing cupboard. We also have a none insulated garage so he does have choices.

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