To be upset by MIL's birthday gift?

Stop making a big deal of buying their gifts , leave it to your partner he’s their relative , all you need to do is text ‘happy birthday’ on the day .

Go buy 20 of the generic VINO birthday cards. Thats her and SIL birthday card for the next 10 years. With an echo falls wine.

Stop making effort and stop caring. They don’t care about you.

Let her son buy her presents going forward. She might not be a present person.
I have 2 sons and I intend to make a big effort with their partners and I will get them gifts, having tried to find out what they would like but I am really not into gifts for myself. This is not me being a martyr it’s just my personality. I get stressed out with clutter and I hate waste. I am very minimalistic and I just don’t like being constantly given things. I have a family member that absolutely insists on it plus a boyfriend who buys me things and 2 friends. Even that makes me feel really overwhelmed. I appreciate things name issue and probably weird but my sons do what I have asked and don’t buy me things but they ring me/ text me/ make me cups of tea on the day if we are together. I hope this message will be passed on to daughters in law that I’m not a miserable person or anything like that I just prefer a phone call to an item. So not everyone is the same and maybe they prefer low effort/ no presents. I wouldn’t read anything into that on its own but they don’t sound that nice in general.

If your SIL is so strange and cold, why did you want/need her to acknowledge your MC? If you persist in having unreasonable expectations of these people, they'll only keep disappointing you. Bin them off emotionally.

Your expectations are different from theirs. That’s ok. Just stopped buying them gifts. I don’t buy my siblings, siblings in law presents, except for big birthdays, then it’s usually a join gift between us all.

How do I stop feeling so pissed off about this?

You stop sending MIL and SIL and SIL’s partner presents.

You don’t remind DH of their birthdays.

They are who they are, you are who you are. It would be perfectly reasonable to you to reciprocate in kind, but if you get enjoyment from giving thoughtful gifts thrn carry on doing that. Neither of you is wrong

Agree with others, gifts probably just aren't important to them. It's probably not intended as insulting and you don't need to tie yourself in knots finding special presents if they aren't bothered. Birthdays are a much bigger deal in DH's family than mine. Not everyone is thst bothered about them.

And when I had a miscarriage I had no problem with SIL knowing but I didn't expect her to contact me. She spoke to DH for both if us. It wasn't necessary or obvious to me she could contact me separately so I wouldn't hold that as a grudge either.

And the neighbours, the post lady and that weird bloke who walks that fat little dog every morning.

I think you’re being paranoid that they think you have a drink problem.

You feel crap because they’re treating you like crap. Match their energy. Either your DH buys for them or it’s a £1 basket of soaps from the poundshop next year for them.

Honestly OP so what. She gets you a shit gift yearly so clearly she gives shit gifts. It means nothing more than that.

you say they’re cold and stand offish so that is likely to be how the approach all
aspects of your relationship to them. Stop trying so hard and match their energy.

you are giving this entirely too much thought. Put your feet up pour a big glass and text them a thank you pic with a wine emoji. Job done.

This!! Buy yourself something nice and let him sort his family out.

Match that energy! Same card and bottle next year for her. Text to say it is from you and her son. ✅

It sounds like she's not into gift giving and so she's just going through the motions.

Hand your husband's job back to him and let him buy his mum's gifts.

I understand what you mean.
Some people have the knack of using presents to be insulting.
When I was quite a young girl my aunt gave me handkerchief as a Christmas present. Just an ordinary handkerchief.
I felt mortified. I felt so insignificant. I'd rather she'd not bothered with a present at all.
If I were you OP I would certainly stop making any effort with your MiL and Sil . Don't put yourself out for them, don't bother with thoughtful presents. They are as they are. It's not you , its them that are unpleasant.

Ah that's rubbish op.
I would leave gift buying to dp in future and not bother buying for them anymore. Does he help but their gifts at all or is it down to you?

What I never understand with these sort of posts (which are frequent) is why you persist in buying the expensive “thoughtful” presents when that’s clearly not what that family do. Also, why isn’t your husband sorting out his side of the family?

Some people are just shit at gifts. You probably just have to suck it up. Does she show kindness on other ways?