To be upset by MIL's birthday gift?

Also, sorry about your miscarriage. But not everyone handles this stuff the same way. I wouldn't have wanted family texts for mine other than from my mum.

Some people aren't just into doing gifts. This alone wouldn't bother me. My FIL and late MIL don't/didn't do birthday stuff at all. However they are (were) loving and kind people. Also, every adult gets the same (non) treatment for birthdays. So there's no favoritism.

Your ILs being otherwise unpleasant might be a problem. But I wouldn't read much into the birthday stuff alone.

Stop caring, and let your partner sort out his family’s gifts.

Match their energy…

This🤣🤣🤣

10 for a quid from The Card Factory
Add on age on them to make a birthday card..
Or better still leave all the wife work to dh and never acknowledge any of their birthdays ever again.

This. I don't understand people who get crap presents year on year from family but reciprocate with "kind and well thought out gifts"

Just stop. On MIL and SIL's birthdays, buy them a box of tea bags from you, DH and kids. Match it like for like and have fun with it. I'd turn it into a competion for the crappest gift and make sure I won, every bloody time

What kind of thing does she buy DH?

I get nothing from my MIL. She’s an artist and paints cards and I don’t even get one of those! Hence I put ZERO effort in to anything for her and leave it to DH! Do this next time!

Stop getting them thoughtful presents-that’s your DH’s job, if he can be arsed.

Some people don’t care about gifts and just don’t consider them to be important - to give or to receive. To be honest, buying presents for adults is hard work because adults have disposable income and can buy what they want and some don’t like “stuff” for the sake of it. My sister and I sometimes exchange cards, sometimes we don’t. I don’t keep track. She’s still my sister and I love her. It’s just not important.

Miscarriages are incredibly personal. I’d have hated it if all my extended family and inlaws were texting whilst I was bleeding and waiting for surgery. I can’t imagine anything worse.

So yeah, are they cold and horrible people or are they just different to you.

I think you’re reading too much into it. It sounds like they are generally fairly thoughtless, rather than targeting you.

You need to meet like with like. Stop buying thoughtful gifts , and go generic - Boots 3 for 2 bath set/ biscuits/ socks. Better still, leave it to your husband to buy for them.

OP, they are not people you like or enjoy.
Accept it.
Stop allowing them to be such a focus.
Match their energy.

Look inwards as to why you would allow them to be so important?
Forget about them.
Drop the rope completely.
Stop with thoughtful presents.
They really are not interested.

Accept them for who they really are and move on.
I mean it really kindly, get over it.
For your life, and that of your husband and children.

Stop buying for them.

love it when one of the first posts saves me typing out the exact same!

Yes they sound a bit shit but at the end of the day, you should know what they're like by now, they aren't going to change. Either give because you like to, or stop, don't give in the hope she might one day change her entire personality. Just take a step back, DH can buy or not buy a present as he chooses to, you can make polite conversation on the very occasional times you see them and spare them no further thought.

Some people are ‘shit at gifts’ because they are selfish dicks who are too lazy to put themselves out or be thoughtful. I don’t agree that you should just buy shit gifts in return. No. That just drags everyone to their level.

You have a right to expect better and they should do better. This should be communicated via your DH - if he was a decent partner he’d be angry on your behalf.

I think some people feel like a miscarriage is such a personal thing that a text may feel a bit intrusive. Given that you’re not close to your sil, a text about something like that may have been a bit uncomfortable for her. I didn’t expect any texts after my miscarriage. I’m not saying this means you shouldn’t have expected any, just that some people may not have thought it appropriate

The card and present wouldn't bother me but I'd put as much effort into theirs.

You lost me with the miscarriage. I have never discussed mine with my SILs and have no idea if MIL ever told them. It was a non issue. The miscarriages were but they were private and between DH and I.

This.

Part of why you are annoyed is the energy difference.

Stop. I understand it as i hate shit gifts. To energy match I have a selection of generic "nice enough" gifts that I give to people I dont care for / make no effort for me. I keep them stocked in a cupboard so its extra low effort.

Why do people let others live rent-free in their heads like this?

Some people/families are good at presents and celebrating things (and having social skills and being supportive) and others are not.

Mine absolutely wasn’t and I didn’t grow up having any of that modelled to me. I think my social skills and ability to support are now ok but I’m still a bit rubbish at presents. Mostly in caring about them for myself, which admittedly isn’t ideal.

Slightly separately, I’m very “meh” about cards. Unless there’s a longish, personal message inside i can’t often see the point.

But anyway, just wanted to give you a different point of view.

You clearly dislike MIL and SIL, and that’s absolutely fine, so don’t get hurt or upset over their gifts/cards. There’s just no point.

Match the energy and leave the gift buying to your bloke for his family. You don't need to buy them anything.

Some people are shit at gifts.
Some people are just shit.
Only spend £2.50 on her next time.

You are making life harder for yourself by buying them thoughtful presents when they don't really care. Let your husband sort their presents out. As for the MC maybe your sil just didn't know what to say. Some people don't have much in the way of social skills. Lower your expectations because you are not going to change them.