To be upset by MIL's birthday gift?

Completely agree. It’s not your job to do this, even more so if they don’t make the same effort for you.

Is there anything you like about her?

Yes to this ^

Get your husband to sort their gifts. Wipe your hands of them.

I do feel for you OP as you probably long for a wonderful MIL and SIL. However... they will never be that.

You describe them as miserable and cold. So try your very best to not take it personally because it's not.

Lower your expectations of them as much as you can. Put a wall up. Sometimes it's necessary.

And should feel inclined, do choose the same wine for their birthdays. (OK bad advice, don't do that... unless you want to 😂)

They don't care about you. Match their energy. Stop making so much effort over there presents. Or better still, leave it to your husband to sort out.

I am more like your MIL as not particularly into presents (.receiving or giving ) and it's not usually how we show love in our family despite having huge amounts of love !
I have learnt though to make a much bigger effort for some though as it is really easy for others with a different upbringing and attitude to 'things' to equate it with how valued they are . I don't know the answer but it would help if your MIL and SIL both learnt this , that it is worth making more effort .
(on a positive note if they are like me they may well still think extremely highly of you and just not show it through birthdays )

Match her energy of gift aka your DH does it from now on. Any complaints direct them to him.

They're not the best OP, but they're the ones you're stuck with, so the most sensible course of action is to accept that, lower your expectations and stop expecting cabbages to smell of roses. If your thoughtful gifts to them cause you resentment rather than pleasure, then dial them back to basics.

My MIL hints for expensive gifts ( one year she took my to mulberry to point out the Alexa bag) and then gave me a food product that was 13 years past its Best Before date. That’s when I also gave up and just let my husband buy her what he wants without any effort from me

Tell them your not doing presents for adults anymore. Not worth you getting upset

Just accept that they are thoughtless and stop buying them gifts, let your husband sort it and just don’t let it occupy any more of your brain space.
they are rubbish but I voted YABU for allowing it to bother you repeatedly when you know exactly what they are like

Why are you going overboard with gifts when they don’t care about them? It sounds like you’re doing it for you rather than them. Just let your DH do it next year.

You’ve just got to let it go. My MIL was worse (she’s dead now) I didn’t even used to get a card or present. Then when my DD was born, she didn’t get anything either.

So I stopped buying her anything. I told DH it was up to him. And he didn’t bother either. I don’t think either of them cared.

so my advice is do the same. Stop buying for her and tell your DH he will be in charge of gifts for his side of the family from now on.

Give a bottle of wine in future and if she drinks white make sure it’s red! I really wouldn’t bother with them from now on - just the bare minimum.

I get that your disappointed, but honestly I think you're really being unreasonable saying you're upset. MIL and SIL are not going to change their game any time soon - so do yourself a favour: stop caring, stop expecting it to get better and accept it won't. Concentrate on your own family and stop worrying about the ILs and once you've accepted it and don't expect anything it'll get a lot easier.

My MIL has given me wine every Xmas for the last 22 years, usually I get nothing else (although I did once get an XS jumper, I am L) and another time I got some weird plastic wash bags. By the way - I don't even drink (never has and she knows it!) I just say thank you, that's lovely act pleased and it'd done. It actually makes me laugh that someone can be so incompetent. But I rarely see her, when we do meet we're pleasant, but that's it. I'm completely happy though, she never gets to me.

By the way I don't do presents for ILs - that DH's job. :)

Disagree with this.
Everyone has different expectations of presents and OP clearly has a different experience.
Neither is right or wrong.
Re the miscarriage, very upsetting time but again, there are huge variations in people's reactions or lack of.
Some people might consider receiving a text insensitive.
You seem overly critical OP
Please try and respect your differences for everyone's sake

So just treat them the same, basic card basic bottle if wine no more making the effort.
Dont make effort for people who clearly don't make it for you family or not.
Just stop it's simple!!

I think presents just aren’t that important to their family. DH and I do not care about gifts at all but his family do. We just don’t value them, it’s not the same as not valuing the person. I echo match their energy advice, you’ll stop feeling like you put so much in and less resentful. Also when I had an ectopic I really would not have appreciated calls from people, I really really wanted to be left alone to mourn what I had just been celebrating. They may think that what people need is space. I’m really sorry about your miscarriage OP. I think you are just very different people. Try not to take it personally.

Please tell me you are not intending to play the dutiful fool and continue buying them presents. Treat them exactly as they treat you. Don’t be the bigger person, that type of stupid mentality gets you nowhere. All it does is gives people permission to continue to treat you badly. I would just not even bother.

It doesn’t sound like you like them very much - why exchange gifts at all? I don’t even exchange gifts with my own parents, never mind my partner’s parents, and I get on well with them all.

I’m sorry for your losses and ill health, but may I just say a huge thanks for going to the effort of attaching these pictures, it’s really made me laugh, the balaclava in particular 😂

I agree with this ^

Some people put a lot of thought into gifts, others don't. It doesn't mean anything more than that.

Stop putting so much thought into your gifts to them.

Agree OP it’s thoughtless , you deserve better I am sure x

When people come from families who show their love through gifts, it just ses you up to fail, because no one is ever going to live up to your expectations of what you think gifts should be. They are just your in laws, token gifs are fine. I wouldn't expect any gift at all. My own actual family don't always give me gifts because we have a normal relationship where we don't put monetary value on our love. Some people just couldn't give a shit abou gifts and you really need to understand that. I've got people in my life who keep insisting on buying me gifts when I really don't want them to. I don't buy them anything because I'm trying to stop them from doing it. It's annoying. Also I definitely don't buy my in laws gifts. That's my partners job.

I'm sorry for your loss OP. I never told either of my SIL's or in-laws about all 3 of mine. If I had, I wouldn't have expected a sympathy card or even a text, because I'm not close to them- hence never told them. DH felt exactly the same.

I agree with cutting back on the nice gifts and putting so much thought into it. I soon realised that my MIL didn't do cards and gives very little thought to any gift. She also doesn't wrap, so the gift will come in the bag from the shop- sometimes with your name written on the bag if lucky. 1 year that included a bag of defrosted peas with my gift and another time, a pair of boys superman underpants!

DH can't wear synthetics due to them making him sweat- she knows this! 1 year she bought him a black, polyester balaclava. Burglar style! We live in SE England, not the north pole! Along with a jacket made from recycled plastic bottles from lidl which was 3 sizes to small for him. I got the apron in the pic, and yes, I had put on weight due to ill health! I'd cut down massively how much thought I give to their gifts now.