Work colleagues found photos from when I used to do pole fitness and are mocking me

I would just call them out on bullshit but I do get how hard that can feel when it's colleagues. However I'm in my mid 40s now and just can't be fucking arsed to take shit.

Absolute tosh.

HR and I'm sure the CEO will be interested because they have a legal duty to be (worker protection act 2023). If anything will bring the company into disrepute- it will be that.

Yes, and not everyone feels able to ‘stand up for themselves’ in that situation. The point is, you shouldn’t end up in a disciplinary for your reaction, and OP shouldn’t be criticised for her tears. Both responses are valid. Fortunately, they don’t have to because we have laws and that help people asset their rights even if their emotions overtake them in the moment.

I don't think they expected some who does pole dancing for fun to take a few comments so seriously. Be proud of it and rise above.

I would own it. I wouldn’t feel embarrassed about it. My friend used to go to pole dancing classes,alongside some other classes - she did it for fitness and lost loads of weight. She was in her 40s at the time and looked amazing, she put her photos and videos on fb! However the crude comments from colleagues are unprofessional and inappropriate and I would pull them up on it.

I really think it is victim blaming to be telling the OP she should have slapped this down as banter.

Some colleague telling you they have gone to the trouble of SM stalking you to find a photo of you doing fitness 6 years ago, another alluding to your professionalism with clients and calling you a stripper.

Bloody hell.

I don't know how some people on MN are used to being spoken to, but it really isn't the OPs fault that she was shocked, humiliated and cried in shock afterwards.
I think a lot of women would be initially appalled and then both furious afterwards.

I really think it is a serious HR matter.
Whom exactly do these people think they are?.

They need to be both firmly made aware of how seriously they have fxxked up.

OP, you would not be unreasonable to call ACAS tomorrow and tell HR you are going to seek outside advice on this.

I believe any half decent HR department would take this very seriously.

I'm in HR. This is sexual harassment and I think you should speak to your HR. To me it's beyond unacceptable to go searching for an old photo and share it with other colleagues for it to be joked about. Protections against sexual harassment are so much stronger than they have been before. Employers have a duty to prevent sexual harassment. I don't think commenters would brush it off so quickly if colleagues were making racial jokes.

It’s the female colleague that did the research from 6!!! years ago,

And maybe you should start treating men as the competent adults Theyre supposed to be instead of letting them get away with it ‘because they’re just teenager at heart bless them’.

This is unfair. Op wasn't embarrassed to mention she'd been to the class for fitness reasons. Her colleagues scoured the internet for photographs and made stripper jokes.
Sadly a lot of men are all just teenage boys at heart.

I think it would count as sexual harassment, should you choose to pursue it.

Making derogatory and sexualised comments in the workplace is harassment and not everyone can react with a smart mouth in OP’s position. If she ‘gives as good as she got’ she’d also be liable for harassment. Regardless of feelings it’s not a healthy work environment and it’s unlawful. Employers have a duty to prevent sexual harassment in the workplace.
OP I’d escalate this through line management/HR

It's not about having a smart mouth it's about standing up for yourself and not being intimated by stupid so called banter. Of course it's about knowing the office culture, like I said, in my work place I could getaway with some retorts.

To me , I would be cringing inside but I'll be dammed if a bloke made me go home in tears. It just adds to the image that some men have of women being 'weak'.
I'd rather have a disciplinary for standing up for myself than go home in tears by an arseholes comments.

It’s an example of a childish group at work making childish comments. They are one step away from calling everyone pooheads and laughing about it. God forbid anyone goes to a swimming pool or a beach.

Exactly! Well done, OP!

Agree. OP I was so busy being outraged I forgot to say that a) I hope you’re ok and b) pole fitness is super impressive. I follow a woman on Instagram who does pole and callisthenics and she is like a gravity defying magician.

OP you need to complain to HR about this. Your colleagues' reaction is really weird.

I do cabaret and burlesque, and got chatting about it with some colleagues recently. They were really nice about it!

I also have friends that do pole, and not once have they ever said anything about being hassled them about them being like strippers. Who does that?! I think most people nowadays know that pole sport is fitness, and requires a great deal of strength and flexibility. Anyone reducing it down to stripping hasn't got a clue what it actually entails. Regardless - hunting down an old photo and then sharing it around your workplace is wildly inappropriate and your HR needs to be told about it.

100% report to HR, that is the definition of sexual harrasment! There is absolutley nothing wrong with going to pole fitness, however digging up old photos of you doing it and sharing around colleagues and then them making leering, innuendo is 100% sexual harrassment by all 3 of them. They need a proper bloody word!!!

Exactly

"What the hell did you put into your search engine to give you that picture "?

I work with only males, there is a lot of jokes and banter, there are (rare) times where they have inadvertently cross the line in terms of offensive comments on my personal life. I ask if they could just stop, and they happily do.

If you have a good relationship with them, I would politely ask them to stop the subject, I think HR should be the last resort as it will create even more tension.

It’s a great way of keeping fit and using your core muscles. If you were wearing a leotard the same as other gymnasts do, I can’t understand their negative and sexist comments .

😱Are you one of OP’s colleagues? This is a terrible take. In fact so bad I might use it as a training scenario. If you have any HR responsibilities in your workplace I suggest you ask for some training because this if you were in this situation, this advice would see you added to any sexual harassment/discrimination claim.

While this is fresh in your mind tonight, email yourself detailed notes, word for word, what was said and by whom.
This will be date stamped.

Contact HR and ask for a meeting to lay out your enormous upset at what was said to you and what was inferred.
This is serious grievance stuff.
The more I think about this, the more shocking it is.
I am so sorry.

I’m sorry they have done that to you. It must make working with them uncomfortable.

Chalk this up to experience or a lesson learned. Be very careful what you tell people, anyone. And know that just because someone asks you a specific question you don’t have to answer it specifically or fully. Depending on how intrusive or contentious the question is, you don’t even have to answer it honestly, if at all.

Report to HR - nasty and harassing. The colleagues laughing wouldn’t be able to do this fitness. It’s really tough and needs strength. These colleagues are idiots. Keep away from them as much as possible.

Making derogatory and sexualised comments in the workplace is harassment and not everyone can react with a smart mouth in OP’s position. If she ‘gives as good as she got’ she’d also be liable for harassment. Regardless of feelings it’s not a healthy work environment and it’s unlawful. Employers have a duty to prevent sexual harassment in the workplace.

OP I’d escalate this through line management/HR.

That is very creepy/sneaky behaviour from your colleague who took the time to essentially stalk you online to find the image.

What’s the dynamic here - are they on the same level as you?

This is harassment and it denotes a toxic work environment, if an image has been shared without the sharer being challenged - I can’t imagine being shown a not-recent photo of a colleague doing a hobby in their spare time and not questioning why and how the image was obtained, if you see what I mean?

If I was you, I’d share this incident with my manager and maybe HR too?