Work colleagues found photos from when I used to do pole fitness and are mocking me

This isn’t rocket science. OP was asked about the activities she enjoyed and mentioned she used to do pole fitness classes. OP wasn’t humiliated that they followed it up, she was upset because when they did, they put their own small minded and ignorant spin on it, and intimated that OP had a side job as a stripper. The fact that they went looking for photos online and then shared them as though they were sleazy soft porn is evidence of their intent to humiliate her. However much posters want to make this about the fact that OP engaged in this hobby, it’s not. It’s workplace bullying, pure and simple.

https://www.britishpolesports.co.uk/

http://www.polesports.org/about-us/history-of-pole-sports/

https://www.ipsfsports.org/en/world-pole-aerial/athletes/schedule

This.

Yes, rooted in it. So what ? It’s a fitness class based on pole dancing. OP and the people in her class clearly enjoyed it , weren’t being coerced in any way, and it wasn’t for the gratification of men. What’s the problem ?

It’s deeply inappropriate in a work context to suggest that someone is working as a stripper. Come on, that is not hard to understand.

That woman’s an absolute loser - she must have been trawling for ages to find that photo!

Next time it’s mentioned I’d laugh and say “god knows how X found it- she must have been trawling through for ages bless her. Who has time for that? God I looked good then tinkly laugh.” Then swoop off.

If that doesn’t work then to HR.

I would speak to the HR team. That’s sexual harassment.

I’d just go straight to HR. They are all being massively inappropriate and disrespectful.

People can call it “pole fitness” and wang on about core strength and empowerment all they like, that doesn’t change the fact it’s an activity rooted in the sexual exploitation and degradation of women. Sport my arse…

Regardless the way OP was treated by her colleagues is appalling and clearly a HR matter.

There are indeed plenty of sexist, racist and homophobic people out there, and plenty of bullies, and plenty of toxic workplaces. There are also many, a majority of workplaces who do not tolerate this behaviour and would discipline or sack employees for behaving in the way towards another employee.

Those with prejudicial views would do well to keep their views and behaviours to themselves if they want to not suffer daily embarassment, having their arse handed to them in real life and on the internet, thrive in the mostly tolerant and relaxed society and culture that exists in the UK, stay in paid employment and out of jail.

Or maybe grow up, educate themselves and try not to live in fear of women and anyone who is different to themselves or even has a different hobby.

trip trap trip trap

Your response here was far more compassionate than the ones from people telling her to just get on with it/ it was her own fault etc. I have to agree, partially, that if fighting a battle is going to cause her more harm then maybe it’s not worth it….but then it comes back to organisations losing good people because of allowing behaviour like this to run rampant etc. Reporting stuff like this shouldnt be as difficult/ traumatic as it is; managers/ leaders should be sniffing this stuff out and coming down hard, for all the reasons I’ve mentioned. And in a lot of places they are. Which is why my issue was with that particular “manager” response.

Where did pole dancing originate? And are pole dancing classes for children encouraged?

Yes, possibly they may have overstepped.

I think she should ignore it because she is not resilient, ran off crying and it will draw much more attention to a photograph she is embarrassed by if she pursues it and there will always be those who gossip about women who stand up for themselves legally too. Maybe she has the gumption for the HR route, but it doesn't come across that way.

I think she should just hope it dies down and only if it is brought up again go the HR route, and in future just not mention it mockery and such reactions are too distressing to her to stand.

You're entitled to disagree of course.

Oh it's definitely called stripper dancing outside the libfems of mumsnet 😅Usually accompanied by a a roll of the eyes and a "yeah she does that stripper dancing" though I haven't heard much about it for years tbh, it seems to be quite out of fashion now.

You already knew it was based on stripper's pole dancing, no need to get so upset about it being accurately named.

Oh and btw, resorting to ad hominems really shows you don't have much of an argument.

People will respond any way they choose, you’re right. Unfortunately for them, some responses may stray into the illegal, which is where her colleagues potentially find themselves in this situation. The appropriate response, therefore, is not to ignore it, but to report. Workplace laws exist for several good reasons.

No, please stop putting words into my mouth, and if I responded correctly to antagonistic people you have no need to worry when you have not been antagonistic.

It is a simple fact that people will always have their own opinions and she cannot control the narrative.

Some activities over time have wandered in and out of fashion as being acceptable or unacceptable. Sexualised dancing, under any remit, has alway been seen as vulgar and attention seeking by some, and accepted or even cheered on by others.

But what has never changed, and never will, is gossip and mockery.

Do a thing or don't, but accept that you cannot and will not control the narrative. People will respond any way they choose. That has not changed, and never will.

Far better to be realistic about this and accept it and act accordingly, based on how resilient the OP is, which seems not very, she should have kept it quiet.

The manager comment nailed it.

It's not stripper dancing it was a pole fitness class.

I tried it myself in my 40s at the local council run leisure centre.

Where did you imply "stripper dancing" from?

The Misogyny Playbook, perhaps?

I think this is the crux of it; what you and I think is going to happen are very different. You - and correct me if im wrong - seem to believe that we live in unchangeable society where attitudes are set in stone and people will always be shamed for stepping outside societal norms, and that’s just how it is; it’s all of our jobs to toe the line or suffer the consequences.

I - and a lot of others - believe that attitudes are changeable, and that part of what changes them is difficult conversations, challenging norms and calling out unacceptable attitudes which, yes, are hurtful and mean etc etc but, moreover, bad for progress. I’m not sure there’s a massive jump between telling the OP she needs to just accept this because of her choice of hobby, and blaming someone for being raped because of what they were wearing. The attitude is the same, and it is that attitude that finds places to survive in these sorts of grey-area situations. It needs called out for what it really is: a belief that women should behave a certain way and occupy certain roles in society. Which is just incorrect - logically, morally, philosophically, economically, biologically…really in any way. Which is why I can’t wrap my head around these responses. It’s as if people don’t think about things beyond their strange, society-given knee jerk reaction.

And, to perhaps pre-empt a response here based on your previous posts, none of what I’ve said above is designed to upset you, or be antagonistic. It’s truly is what I believe, and I think it’s quite well-founded based on the last 100y of history. Voices encouraging people to just accept their lot and keep their head down have found themselves on the wrong side of it. Or have been found to have an invested interest in the status quo.

Doing yoga or river swimming and stripper dancing are not the same and cannot be compared. It really depends an awful lot on the type of industry she works in and the photographs. It certainly cannot be written off as nonsense or rubbish, though fairly unlikely it is possible, depending on the company's stance, contracts, codes of conduct etc.

https://www.davidsonmorris.com/bringing-the-company-into-disrepute/
https://www.personneltoday.com/hr/employees-bringing-their-company
https://harperjames.co.uk/article/what-to-do-if-your-company-has-been-brought-into-disrepute/

RUBBISH. What absolute nonsense.

HR would be interested in the OP being harrassed and bullied not in photos of her at an exercise class "bringing the company into disrepute" any more than they would be interested that there are photos of me doing yoga in my class and us all going swimming in the river.

Is it internalised misogyny to recognise the reality that people will always judge, comment and mock any activity they find amusing, vulgar or simply don't approve on, and that wishing that weren't so won't change that?

The manager who commented seemed to be giving very sensible advice, based on simple realities.

Surely it is better to give advice based on what you know will happen than base it on what you think should happen, but won't.

Sort of astounded by some of the responses here from (presumably) other women. Seems to be a lot of internalised misogyny, if-I’ve-had-to-deal-with-it-then-you-will-too-missy stuff. The commenter with a seemingly disingenuous “public” manager persona, and the idea that the workplace isn’t where you want to be fighting your “social justice” battles, is particularly disappointing.

We spend a good chunk, if not a majority, of our waking lives at work. It pays bills, gives financial independence and, for a lot of people, a sense of purpose. Plus there’s the contribution to society, the economy, research, healthcare, education, art, literature…whatever. The workplace IS life, not some weird Thunderdome where people have to hold their own against Aunt Lydia’s and man-children. If you’re a manager who has the ability to challenge this behaviour, why tf wouldn’t you? It’s bad for business. You apparently have idiots in your ranks. You are allowing a culture where good talent might be getting stamped on before it has a chance to bring anything of value to your organisation. Talent which WILL leave and find a better place. Like…why is this hard? Smh.