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Original poster

DP and friend fall out - I’m in the middle and don’t know what to do

84 replies

SophRj · 09/06/2025 18:03

I’ve been a bit of an idiot I think - but feel a bit upset at how this has played out.

In the early days when DP and I were together, we’d swap stories about drunken escapades when we were younger - holiday flings, silly behaviour etc. On one occasion he told me a story to which I replied to say my friend ‘R’ had done similar.

I’ve never repeated any of his tales, they were told in private, and he’d never relayed any of mine…until the weekend.

We were out with R and her husband, for dinner and drinks. I got a message when arriving home from R to say she didn’t appreciate me telling my DP about X story (in far stronger terms than that).

Basically, when we were all very young on a girls holiday she had gone off with a couple of blokes from a group we met. When we were out, she apparently brushed past DP’s leg and made a joke of it as you do. DP said something like ‘I know you have form for introducing someone else but I am sure you’d draw the line at your mates man’ and laughed.

DP says it was my fault for telling me in the first place and that he assumed it was common knowledge.

Am I right in feeling like DP should have known to keep his mouth shut?!

OP posts:
notacooldad · 09/06/2025 19:25

If I was your friend I'd cut you free! I wouldn't trust you to keep private info private.
Your DH is a knob as well.
Birds of a feather, you two, neither can keep your mouths shut.

IveGotAnUnusuallyLargePelvisISwear · 09/06/2025 19:22

No wonder she was pissed off, that was so out of line of your husband to say that. What a pig.

DoYouReally · 09/06/2025 19:21

He's an ass - no more to it than that.

FOJN · 09/06/2025 19:20

You kept your husband's confidence but not your best friends and now you are putting all the blame on your husband.He is an arsehole for mentioning what he knew but wouldn't have been able to do that if you had kept your mouth shut.

He knew he wasn't supposed to know, whatever he says, but misogynistic men will always reference a woman's sexual history as power move to shame them. Even if you give him the benefit of the doubt about his claim that he thought it was common knowledge (and I wouldn't) it demonstrates complete social ineptitude to think it was appropriate to mention it.

You both owe your friend a massive apology.

ScaryM0nster · 09/06/2025 19:19

Some stuff gets shared with partners and is very obviously not for repeating.

Other stuff gets shared and is actively labelled not for repeating.

Other stuff gets shared as a passing comment, and can seem like it’s reasonably common knowledge. And therefore not appear to be off limits for referring to.

The run up sounds like this landed with your partner as being teenage antics stories that would have been known by others at the time - and not off limits for future references to.

anytipswelcome · 09/06/2025 19:18

He thinks it’s hilarious that you and your friend are both upset because of him? Why do you want to be with someone so mean spirited? He’s a dickhead mate.

Butchyrestingface · 09/06/2025 19:15

SophRj · 09/06/2025 18:48

I have apologised profusely to my friend, and explained the context in which it was shared.

DP finds the whole thing hilarious which is frankly pissing me off.

Do you have kids with this bloke, OP?

Because if not, there's still time to extricate yourself from this unfunny neanderthal. You're not married.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 09/06/2025 19:14

You say you were swapping your stories but it wasn't yours was it? It was your friend's story. Unless I've misread.

So you told him your friend's story? You don't have the right to do that.

Talk about your own sexual history if you choose but not other people's.

thepariscrimefiles · 09/06/2025 19:11

SophRj · 09/06/2025 18:48

I have apologised profusely to my friend, and explained the context in which it was shared.

DP finds the whole thing hilarious which is frankly pissing me off.

What a juvenile twat he is. He clearly just wanted to cause trouble between you and your friend.

Beamur · 09/06/2025 18:54

You shouldn't have gossipped about your friend in the first place and your DP has been creepy with that information.

DifficultEggs · 09/06/2025 18:52

Pollqueen · 09/06/2025 18:33

This was not a story to share and if I were your mate, I would be furious with you, not your DP although he sounds pretty grim too

What on earth were you thinking?

This. You’re both at fault, and he compounded his indiscreetness by being pervy to your friend. Ugh.

whitewineandsun · 09/06/2025 18:52

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 09/06/2025 18:49

You and your partner are both out of order. Your partner is a creep. You should not have told him that story. It was not yours to tell.

You should honestly get a nicer partner and have a lot of making up to do to save your friendship with R.

Agree.

whitewineandsun · 09/06/2025 18:52

SophRj · 09/06/2025 18:48

I have apologised profusely to my friend, and explained the context in which it was shared.

DP finds the whole thing hilarious which is frankly pissing me off.

He sounds like a knob. Don't expect your friend to be around him again, even if she accepted your apology.

nomas · 09/06/2025 18:50

He wants to ruin your friendships, he sounds a prick. Is he a prick in other ways?

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 09/06/2025 18:49

SophRj · 09/06/2025 18:48

I have apologised profusely to my friend, and explained the context in which it was shared.

DP finds the whole thing hilarious which is frankly pissing me off.

He’s a fucking twat. I couldn’t be with someone that nasty and stupid.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 09/06/2025 18:49

You and your partner are both out of order. Your partner is a creep. You should not have told him that story. It was not yours to tell.

You should honestly get a nicer partner and have a lot of making up to do to save your friendship with R.

Original poster
SophRj · 09/06/2025 18:48

I have apologised profusely to my friend, and explained the context in which it was shared.

DP finds the whole thing hilarious which is frankly pissing me off.

OP posts:
saltinesandcoffeecups · 09/06/2025 18:47

I’m assuming you’re all adults by the context, but honestly I’d wonder otherwise.

Can I save some time and say you are all unreasonable?

Well, maybe not R’s husband…I’m inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt.

ginasevern · 09/06/2025 18:41

Lesson number 1, never share sexual anecdotes with men. They love nothing better than using them under the guise of "banter", usually towards women.

CaptainFuture · 09/06/2025 18:39

Pollqueen · 09/06/2025 18:33

This was not a story to share and if I were your mate, I would be furious with you, not your DP although he sounds pretty grim too

What on earth were you thinking?

Exactly, does he think his doing whatever happened is fine and lols because he's male, but because she's female it's to be commented on negatively?
What a dick.
Did you respond that he also 'has form'?

workshy46 · 09/06/2025 18:38

Hes also a liar, he can't possibly believe something like that was common knowledge. He was waiting for his moment, I would be utterly appalled at him and be offering her a groveling apology
Not sure where you go from here with him.. Ive told my husband similar and he wouldn't in a million years relay them back.. grim

Auroraloves · 09/06/2025 18:36

You both sound like massive gobshites tbf. I can understand why your friend is pissed off

Pollqueen · 09/06/2025 18:33

This was not a story to share and if I were your mate, I would be furious with you, not your DP although he sounds pretty grim too

What on earth were you thinking?

Canarybutterdaisy · 09/06/2025 18:27

You shouldn't have shared it, but he should have always known that wasn't something you bring up to your friend.
Im more concerned that he thought it was OK to speak to your friend like that, it seems seedy and grim.

Sportysport · 09/06/2025 18:18

I’ve never repeated any of his tales, they were told in private, and he’d never relayed any of mine…until the weekend.

How do you know OP that he hasn't?

It doesn't sound as though he has much awareness of what is appropriate to share or not.

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