To think my husband is being unreasonable

I’d find it really annoying if I was asked to pick up a ‘treat’ or ‘something nice’ for someone who was on a diet, with no guidelines whatsoever about what was diet-friendly and also considered a treat. Sugar free gummy bears? Asparagus??

Non-food items would not occur to me at all.

Also anyone who says ‘surprise me!’ makes my heart sink. There are just infinite ways for a person to fuck up.

A "treat" is something you wouldn't normally have. So it stands to reason if you normally eat healthy food then a treat is unhealthy food.

Yabu to be angry at Dh and you should apologise to him, and be clearer about what you want in future.

I don’t think you are unreasonable lots of men don’t like women taking control of their lives. He knows you are dieting & proceeds to bring junk not for the first time. If he was unsure what to get why didn’t he ask?

I think yabu a little yes op.
If my DP was at the shop and he asked what I wanted and I said 'get me something nice' or 'a treat', he would absolutely get choc or a sweet treat.
But he's asked me sometimes, and I've said 'ooh yes, I'm craving prawns', as sometimes I do.
If I'd have said bring me a treat, I know I wouldn't be getting prawns 😜... you do have to be specific definitely.

OP if you want something specific you have to say.
But also I think your expectations are unrealistic - surely when someone is popping to the shop & asks if you want anything the general expectation would be a snack or drink? I wouldn’t ask for flowers in that situation!
Also your DH is being thoughtful by texting / asking you which should be appreciated in itself

It’s surely not that difficult to say, ‘a treat but nothing fattening’, thus signalling you’d like him to get something other than chocolate or crisps. ‘A treat’ in our house ALWAYS means something edible even if I’m on a diet.

Men often say they don’t understand women so the best thing you can do is say what you want and not leave him to guess.

I agree you're going to have to tell him what you actually want. Melon is not a 'treat', it's just nicer the average fruit.

If I were on my period and asking for a treat my partner would absolutely buy me a KitKat, a box of Magnums or a doughnut. Regardless of being on a diet.

He is thick and also sabotaging you. Get your own treats and consider your future with this thoughtless lemon.

He eats crisps and chocolates as treats, and you were also eating a lot of this until recently, so that is his default when you say "something nice," or "bring me a treat." And he probably thinks that because you are on a diet that you might want something actually nice, since he knows you enjoy those things. No one on earth would think you'd want a watermelon. You need to be specific if you want particular things that fall outside the realm of what are treats to most people.

Has no one here has experienced endometriosis or adenomyosis? It's so painful without pain meds it makes me vomit.

Yes, it's horrendous. I was prescribed morphine too. The menopause was like getting my life back. I'm genuinely pleased for people who have not experienced it and cannot imagine needing morphine for "period pain".

OP you are being very unreasonable, you feel let down by your husband because he's not a mind reader. I understand it would be great if he had retained things you had previously told him but you seem equally unable to learn from experience and keep expecting him to.

If you leave the choice of treat to him you are disappointed so you need to choose; disappointment or something you would actually like, one of those choices requires you to speak up.

"A healthy treat" would've been a better answer.

But how is it being witless when she doesn't give any idea at all of what she wants?

Even a category would help: some chocolate; some crisps; some fruit; some flowers; some wine; some luxurious bubble bath...

She doesn't have to state the exact barcode number; but how mad is it to deliberately give somebody a very vague request and then complain that they didn't get you exactly the kind of thing that you wanted, but didn't bother to ask for?

It just reminds me of the people who don't ever vote at elections, yet still get angry when the people who do bother to vote choose a different party/candidate than they would theoretically have done!

Kobayashi Maru

YABU

You should have been specific. I think most people would have come back with similar to what your DH bought in these situations.

Kindly OP, and from a woman with three brothers, you’re expecting him to think like a woman. He’s a man and he thinks like a man.

A woman might think “Oh! I know Household is on a diet and has been talking about it a lot so I will think of something thoughtful to get her that isn’t food!”
A man will think “Oh, she’s been on a diet but wants a treat! I’m glad she’s giving the diet a break today. I’ll get her ALL KINDS of food so that she can pick any treat she likes!”

You really do need to just communicate more clearly. He IS trying to do something nice for you. He just doesn’t understand that this isn’t the “nice” you want.

Or he’s trying to sabotage your diet, but you haven’t said anything that indicates that so I won’t jump to it.

I'd find it infuriating OP, but you both need to work on your communication.

If he's not getting it right then you either say what you want, or tell him you want nothing. But also take some time to communicate to him that you don't feel listened to - or supported with your weight loss attempts.

My husband is awful for snacks etc. He eats terribly, and I find it very hard to resist the endless supply of snacks. I've resorted to mounjaro for exactly that reason - previously I just didn't buy it, but that's not fully in my control now. Eating it or not should be within my control too, but I find that bit harder 😆😆

Also, from the other side, I ask my husband if he needs anything from the shop and he often says 'surprise me', or 'get me something nice' and is never happy with my surprises and yet never tells me what to get or what I should have got. Pisses me off.

Ask for something healthy next time

Not really.

A "treat" for someone on a diet would be a one off chocolate bar or something, so he probably thought he was being nice.

@householddog just be specific next time with what you wan.

agree
most people would interpret a treat as something nice to eat, even more so if the person was calling from a food shop!
why didn't you learn from the first time?
How hard would it have been to say 'yes please get me something nice but not food related,' or 'yes please get me some of the low calorie icecream or a nice magazine,' or whatever.

"AIBU to be annoyed my husband isn't psychic?"

@householddog @TomatoSandwiches

god, that's horrific for you both.

Hands up to my ignorance to your pain, many apologies. 😞

Sorry you are having a tough time, @householddog .

There is a difference between being witless and being deliberately sabotaging.

I think lots of husbands can be a bit witless at times. (Whereas all wives are perfection 😉).

So now you know, he wants to treat you - which is nice - but you have to be massively clear with him.

Take a deep breath, and let it go.

Your doctor prescribes morphine?

I’m often on a diet and would go nuts if I asked for “something nice” from the shop and got melon.

BUT he should buy you flowers if that’s important to you!

It takes as much time to type “ remember I’m off junk food but flowers and fruit please” as “yes please a treat would be lovely surprise me”