To think my husband is being unreasonable

Attention seeking silly games.

Its him who sounds like hard work imo. OP told him only yesterday what would count as a treat, and he has completely ignored her. Is he trying to sabotage her efforts? Stay strong OP, you've done great. I hope he supports you in other ways, even if not re. food.

Underrated comment and sums the situation up perfectly

I lost a lot of weight when caring for 2 parents in different care homes, was driving 100's of miles a week, dealing with their care packages as well as doing a rather stressful job. I went down to 5 stone & a size 4. DH was very concerned about me & tried to get me to eat, but I had no time & was too stressed.

Parents died. All the rushing around stopped. DH fed me. I've now ballooned to nearly 10 stone & pushing a size 14.

I've said to DH that I need to get to a healthy 7 stone as I've never been this big & not happy. DH says 'yes I hear you, but I love you as you are' which is good.

But I'm not happy as I feel fat - I am fat. He does most of the cooking (he's a retired chef, I work so he does most of the cooking) I say can we just have a salad, no dressing with plain chicken - no skin, no sauces please? What do I get? Chicken in some delicious creamy sauce, potatoes, veg with salad as a side dish - also with a delicious dressing.

I've told him that he's a feeder & the only way is that I prepare our meals. That's not going to happen as he loves to cook. He's also considers it an insult to him that I got so thin & unhealthy as people used to comment on it & ask him why he wasn't doing anything about me being so thin - but at the time we were like ships that passed in the night as I was so busy.

WTF am I supposed to do?

For real a lot of these replies is just squawking.

I haven’t touched chocolate/crisps/cake/sweets since my surgery 2 years ago, haven’t binged/failed the healthy eating plan yet. I’ve explicitly told my Dh no treats like this. He knows (although he brought home cereal containing chocolate the other day for me, he’s ended up eating it) to get fruit or a lovely low fat treat/protein bar etc. Tell him, OP! I’m surprised he’s done this twice.

Yep, and it’s worrying how many people are not picking up on this. Just goes to show how much men not being able to do basic domestic related tasks has become normalised.

The first time OP was specific was on her but she said clearly he asked what would have been a good choice and she gave him options. She’s also said he is consistently buying junk and she is telling him she can’t eat it. This sounds like someone who is deliberately ignoring her diet requirements. And if he is genuinely forgetting he needs to fix up. The bar is in hell with many of you.

@Thegreatescape12345 I may be shit at adulting sometimes but I'm very glad dh knows I have good intentions and loves me enough to see past my occasional lapses. I think that's more mature than assuming bad intentions

Not being funny, but you’ve got to much time on your hands if that’s all you’ve got to be bothered about.

OP you already told your DH that you aren't eating crap and told him exactly what he could have got you last time - magazine, melon, bubble bath.

Given this, he's fucking thick to get you the exact same thing he got you last time, that you told him you couldn't have but already gave him alternative options.

And I don't even think that's harsh. Those saying tell him what to get? She did!! Just not in that specific moment!

Jesus people. How do some people even adult?

If I was him I'd stop offering! Life shouldn't be such hard work.

When DS was about 3 months old I had Reynaud's syndrome in my nipples, mastitis, a baby that wouldn't sleep or be put down, and I'd had a bit of a cry to DH because I was turning into a hob nob and the myth of the weight falling off with BF was a fallacy. A few days later he came home from work and said he'd stopped by the nice farm shop and got me a treat, I was simultaneously delighted and upset because I knew it would be something tasty that I'd hate myself for eating. He pulled out a huge punnet of strawberries quickly followed by a large bar of chocolate, he said the strawberries looked really good I thought you might want some and I know you're trying to be a bit healthier, but then I thought I could dip some in chocolate for you because that would only be a little bit, or you can just eat the chocolate and put the strawberries in the fridge, whatever you want. In that moment I remembered why I married him 😂

Go easy on him OP a treat in that context usually means food we don't eat all of the time

You’re the problem. Say you don’t want something or be specific. Also, stop demonising food, you’re clearly winding yourself up about it. Only having a tiny piece of cake vs a normal size piece is hardly going to make a difference. If you want to make truly lasting differences you have to balance it, we eat healthily but I’ll also happily demolish a packet of walkers sensations and wash them down with some wispa bites on a Friday night. The odd day of some treat is a good thing.

He was doomed to fail with your answer. Just say next time I want melon

Is he overweight? Is he trying to stop you eating healthily in other ways?

If I asked my dp to bring me back a treat and he brought me back a melon… well… 😂 I do get it thought OP. If he cared enough to listen to you when I’m sure you’ve spoken about the healthy eating he would know you’d not want junk. Saying that I do find men can’t really think outside the box in those circumstances so I’d definitely write a list and say, when you ask if I want a treat… bubble bath, a magazine, fruit etc would be great.

Yeah, melon . I love a melon, but it's food, not a treat.

This thread has to be peak Mumsnet: a man fulfils the brief that he's been given when doing a woman a favour, in the way that most people would; and he's still wrong/stupid/bad/useless!

A favourite magazine
A melon
Some nice bubble bath
Some flowers

Etc

Men are unusually hopeless at figuring out the things we want from the shops without a definite list

So this is your fault @householddog
🤣

You cannot expect your husband to read your mind. I've been married for 45 years and I wouldn't take a chance on my DH managing to bring home bread and milk without a written list and even with a list he'd forget the milk.

And as for "Etc" - in my experience, men don't understand "Etc".

@householddog I have a lot of sympathy for your pain from endometriosis, one of my sisters has this and so know it’s very difficult. She is in her 60s now but tried to get pregnant for decades without success.

I have been married for 30 years to the kindest man, he has been a great husband. I have told him since we met that my favourite flowers are a bunch of tulips, or really any single flower in a bunch, supermarkets often have this in buckets. I don’t like the big fancy mixed flower bouquet florists do. Every time he buys me flowers he clears out the local florists, it’s a massive bunch with 10 different exotic flowers, it takes 4 or 5 vases to accommodate them. I just roll with it now. My point is this is a small thing and easily solved, as everyone is saying be very specific (stop with the surprise me stuff) and then say thank you. He clearly means well.

Maybe he could have asked her to clarify, in the absence of her caring to do so herself...

But the thing about being on a diet is that, very occasionally, many people will still have a special treat to keep their morale up. In the absence of any clear communication, he could have thought that this was one of those occasions.

It's not like admitting that you're an alcoholic, and so you must obviously NEVER have any booze again; choosing to generally eat a better diet doesn't mean that you can't still push the boat out every now and again.

If this was me, I would chat to partner about it. Explain (again) that you are trying really hard to make healthy choices and explain that when you fancy a ‘treat’ you are trying to choose fresh fruit, a fancy yoghurt etc.

and also explain you are trying to also enjoy non food ‘treats’ as a way to still treat yourself and indulge. Be specific. A Fancy bubble bath, a nice body cream, a magazine, a new lip balm , a scented candle etc.

im sorry to hear you are in such pain OP, extreme period pain is no fun and it must be really hard to manage that level of pain with a little one to look after too. I imagine that level of pain along with raging hormones and a teething baby have you at the end of your tether, and have made this interaction with your partner feel really frustrating and a bit ‘bigger’ than it might feel if you were feeling well.

you sound like you don’t feel you are being heard, And you are working really hard to eat well and maybe feel a bit sabotaged by him bringing you junk food?

Maybe sitting partner down and directly telling them why you felt frustrated by them bringing you this and offering direct suggestions to them of a more appropriate’ treat’ for you might help?

No idea if your partner is a reasonable sort, but if they are this might help?

im sending you a hug x

re the endo pain - OP literally said in her OP (I went to check) that she was having pain from period and not endo, so it is not UR that people are picking up on that.

we all have to be pragmatic sometimes: if you know your DH is either trying to sab your healthy eating, or is too stupid to read your mind know what you consider a treat, then use your words and be specific. It is not rocket science.

😂 multi pack of sponges: so funny

Some awful responses on here re. your endometriosis pain. I had severe endometriosis amd adenomyosis and also had to have oramorph/ morphine sulfate tablets and frequently diamorphine injections for utterly horrific pain which would make me vomit and faint. Was so glad to have a hysterectomy and ovaries removed at age 27. My empathies OP, it's truly dreadful when it's that severe.

Re. your treats. You're being very unreasonable so you need to specify what treats you're requesting.