To think my husband is being unreasonable

"This thread is in the trenches."

Yes, really.

It's not unreasonable to expect your H to remember you're on a diet - especially when he can see with his own eyes how strictly you've adhered to it - and to know what a treat/something nice looks like to you, when you have literally literally told him weeks earlier:

"Last month my husband asked if I wanted anything from the shop. I said yes grab me something nice he came back with chocolate and crisps galore. I thanked him but said I couldn’t eat any of this as I’m eating healthy. He then said well what could he have got me and I said my favourite magazine a melon some nice bubble bath some flowers etc."

That he did it AGAIN is a clear sign that he is thoughtless, which means: "not showing consideration for the needs of other people."

OP's his wife. He should be attuned to her enough that he knows what she means. She shouldn't have to repeat herself in this situation. I bet he wouldn't have to tell HER twice what a treat to him means.

This thread sure has brought out a lot of himpathizers.

And a lot of ignorant people who have no idea that period pain when one has endometriosis is agonising enough to require morphine.

And women racing to call other women "princesses" for expecting kind, thoughtful behaviour from their spouse. The bar for male behaviour is a tavern in Hades for these women.

SMH

Do explain to me why the onus is on someone to remember that a month ago, their partner didn't want junk, but she's been eating junk since anyway, and she didn't bother to specify what she wanted...

... rather than on the partner to say "I would like a melon please, no chocolate"

Why not tell him he's lovely and please get me a bunch of flowers be straight to the point . It does work

I get what you're saying, but the point I'm making is even if my healthy eating DH said 'bring me back a treat' I'd think he's wanting a food treat, and specifically not a healthy food treat or he'd ask me for fruit and yogurt.
Being a healthy eater doesn't mean you never want a few squares of chocolate or an ice cream. And I'm saying this as someone who's lost 18 pounds so far with healthy eating and exercise but I do still enjoy the odd treat. Life's too short to never have chocolate.

Ah so you are like him. Got it.

"Repeated requests" = a month ago she didn't want junk, but has still been eating it since anyway. I wouldn't take into account what someone requested from the shops (or didn't request) a month ago especially if they don't seem to be following any rules themselves.

More like the bar is in hell for normal standards of communication. He did nothing wrong.

And in a professional context you wouldn't think a man is incapable of remembering repeated requests. Because apparently most of you have missed the part where OP says she's told him repeatedly not to buy junk and he's done it anyway.
Yes it's useful to be specific direct when someone asks if you want something. OP could be more direct but also her husband simultaneously can remember she's said no junk repeatedly.
And this is absolutely about the bar being in hell for standards of men.

This has nothing to do with the bar. In a work/professional context you would never get an instruction like "ooh I don't know, surprise me!" - and if you did, it wouldn't be on you if you got it wrong.

If I wanted something from the shops it wouldn't occur to me not to just SAY IT when asked.

Their standards are in hell and they are trying to drag OP's down with them. Put this same scenario in a work/professional context and let's see if they will still be talking about the "male brain" and its supposed inability to remember basic instructions.

Bubble bath and magazines are "princessy"??
This thread is in the trenches.

Forget the morphine ect now, just the treat bit.

Have you said in the last nine months or however long, that you're going to have some chocolate, cake, crisps ect "as a treat" ? Which hopefully you have. But had an unhealthy snack?
Only because you sound quite strict on your new diet.

I think when Im being healthy, things like a watermelon for example ARE a treat, (we don't have much money and fresh fruits out fave if it's in season/ local) but a whole one is a lot of money, especially if it doesn't get finished, and the ready chopped ones aren't very nice.

Does that make any sense? I'm still asuming it's like a Tesco express/ Morrison's daily type shop.
Really hope you're ok, just might be a bit overstretched and in pain. Unmumsnetty hugs xx

You want your DH to buy you surprise gifts when he asks if you want anything from the shops. This seems a bit precious and princessy to me.

I was sent home with morphine and a newborn after my second c-section. I’m sure OP’s doctor knows better than you what’s right for her.

😂 You are not alone!

Saying you want a treat isn’t communicating what you actually want and you are being unreasonable to expect him to interpret. It’s clear his idea of treat is chocolate so you need to communicate and be specific i.e. some fruit please - quicker to type if you are dealing with the baby than “ yes please a treat would be lovely surprise me” You are being unreasonable by not explicitly telling him what you want

Can I have him after?

Oh for god’s sake of course you are not unreasonable and this has nothing to do with hormones. God the bar for men here is in fucking Hades’ sub sub basement.

My lovely husband waited on me hand and foot when I recently had surgery. Took my temperature every two hours, doled out my meds, arranged for every kind of treat and flower that I like to appear.

We are 35 years into this relationship but by five years in he had made a study of me and I of him. Of course he knew what I wanted for a treat—and I know what he likes. The idea that men are so stupid that they have to be given written instructions every time they want to treat you is just ridiculous.

People on diets have unhealthy treats occasionally. I’d be annoyed if I asked my hubby for a treat and he didn’t come home with something tasty like chocolate or ice cream. On a different note, I hate it when someone says to surprise me. Such a waste of mental effort trying to guess what someone has in mind

No your DH isn't being unreasonable.

If you don't know what you want how on earth is he supposed to know, "grab me something nice" isn't going to get you a melon and a magazine as clearly it's not what he would associate with being "something nice"

Next time maybe just say "no thank you"
and leave it at that.

Take no notice. Some of these replies are just harsh x

Ffs seriously.

Morphine ? A controlled drug for period pain ?
Who on earth prescribed that for you OP?
You do know you shouldn't be in charge of machinery while on this, let alone be in charge of a baby .

Congratulations on your baby. Endometriosis sucks. You need to spell out to him exactly what you want. If you say surprise me it’s not his fault if he gets it wrong. He’s trying, he’s just not got the hang of it. Give him a list of things you’d like for him to choose from. He’s clearly out of his depth knowing how to cater to your diet.