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Original poster

WIBU to complain about this teacher?

166 replies

ConfusedSloth · 09/06/2025 16:29

I know what you're thinking - no, I don't hate teachers. DH is a teacher and I used to be a teacher. But, we have a lot of ongoing issues with DS's teacher and I don't know what to do. We are/were secondary though so it's a whole different ball game. We've already raised an issue once but we tried very hard to make it not a personal issue about her - but it feels like one. I'm sorry that this will be long - I have tried to be concise but don't want to be accused of drip-feeding if I clarify things later on.

Usual story - no behavioural issues raised about DS by anyone at any time, ever. Only ever heard positive things - we are very lucky. But our concerns are growing. He's 5 and in Y1 - no issues with his teacher last year or in preschool.

Issues include:

We are absolutely certain that DS has dyspraxia. DH does. DS has almost every symptom - handwriting is illegible no matter how much he tries, and he complains his hands hurt, cannot throw or catch a ball properly, cannot walk in a straight line, cannot do steps with one foot per step, cannot skip, cannot do a two-footed jump, struggles with cutlery. DD (2) can do these things. He falls over daily, hits his head daily, struggles to open/close things, struggles to even do velcro shoes. We mentioned this to his teacher as we had parents' evening around the same time as we spoke to the GP. She agreed with everything we were saying (and we can see on the app where they upload videos that this happens at school). The GP referred to the school nurse who spoke to the teacher. The school nurse has come back to say that the teacher (who completely and totally agreed with us at parents' evening and said she sees all of these same things) had said she has no concerns at all and that she's not witnessed a single one of these symptoms.

We spoke to the school (our one complaint) because DS (who has always and adored school/nursery) absolutely hates school now. Won't get out of bed, cries the night before, cries in the car before going in. He says his teacher hates him. He says she thinks he's stupid. Some of what he says is very specific "Mrs X said [child] is smart than I am". We were very careful raising it with the school and made it more of a general "he's struggling with enjoyment" issue and didn't say anything that was accusatory or personal. We raised that he'd told us he's not good at anything (he actually said "Mrs X said I'm not good at anything") so they said they would work on that. The next day - he got four stickers (his first stickers of the year, this was just before Easter). He got one for standing in the line, another for sitting on the carpet, one for being quiet and one for answering a question (all things he's always done, and things every child would do). Then they announced he was being "celebrated" (one child in each class is chosen each week to be celebrated). Whilst this took on board what we said, and I know I sound like they can't win, it felt a bit like a "fuck you" (like if you ask a child to stop talking in class so they go on silent protest and won't even answer their name in the register). We attended his celebration assembly and his teacher didn't seem to have anything good to even say - my mum came (and I hadn't told her anything about the issues and she raised with me that she thought it was odd compared to the other children being celebrated). She also hadn't written his out for him to hold (which all the other children had). She said that the reason he was being "celebrated" was for a piece of work he'd done well on but it turns out he did that piece of work the same afternoon as the assembly (immediately before the assembly) but we were told he was being celebrated two weeks earlier. I obviously bigged up my son but it was obvious to me that she was praising him begrudgingly.

Back at Christmas, when they had their nativity, DS wanted a speaking part. All the children who wanted a speaking part got a speaking part (that was the rule) but his was the smallest one - 6 words. He was also the only child not on the stage for any of the songs and, at the end, he was the only child who didn't go on the stage to take a bow (he was ushered out with the children who bowed when his group went up to bow). He's one of the shortest children in the class and the rows were on height - except he was right at the back and completely hidden from view except for his 40 seconds on stage. I don't think this was accidental.

At the end of reception, he was in the top reading group (Big Cat Little Wandle 5.2, if that means anything to anyone). In September, he was moved all the way to the bottom reading group. We weren't told that he'd been moved and it only came out in February when we raised that he hadn't gone up a single book band since the summer. The teacher moved him up in February (at parents' evening) when we raised that he hadn't moved up but had no explanation for why he'd not progressed at all and no explanation for why he was now in the bottom group (in fact, she blamed his dyspraxia - which is why we're so confused as to why she's told the school nurse she's not seeing any symptoms). She said that his reading is behind but they won't do any intervention because "water finds its own level" and some children are simply low attainment. Our confusion is that he's been ahead and his report in July said he was ahead but, by September, she assessed that he was behind - but not just "behind", "behind and not worth trying to get back up to speed". We've now had two private assessments and both have said he's ahead on his reading and can't understand why we're concerned.

I understand that it's almost the end of the year and he'll get a new teacher soon but I'm concerned for a lot of reasons. Firstly, she'll be the one doing his phonics check and I simply don't trust her. I have two private assessments that say his reading is ahead and she's saying he can't read at all - I simply don't trust that she'll do the test fairly. Secondly, she'll be doing his handover for his next teacher and if she tells the new teacher that he's dumb as a brick then that's the perception he'll have. Thirdly, it's bordering on bullying - I've had a parent tell me she was unkind about him on a school trip (other parent was a parent helper on the trip and overheard her compare my child to one of the animals in the zoo to other children when my child wasn't there) and if she couldn't feign that she likes him for a celebration assembly, I do wonder what she's like when she thinks no one is looking. I'm also concerned because DS has a facial disfigurement (and had surgery relating to it in the summer) and I wonder if this has played a role in her treatment of him or is maybe why she's decided he's stupid.

Would you complain in this circumstance, or just wait it out? I don't want to be "one of those" but I feel like every few days there's a new incident or issue (and I've heard it from adults too so it's not just that my son is feeling a certain way).

OP posts:
WetBandits · 09/06/2025 17:17

What the other parent said about the teacher poking fun at him and inviting other children to join in on the zoo trip made me sad, he sounds like such a lovely little boy!

You are getting a hard time on here over some of the smaller details, but I can see how they all add up. I would raise it properly when the school year is done as I wouldn’t want to make the last few weeks of school even less enjoyable for your DS than they currently seem to be.

PrettyPuss · 09/06/2025 17:15

’she was unkind about him on a school trip (other parent was a parent helper on the trip and overheard her compare my child to one of the animals in the zoo to other children when my child wasn't there).’

She’s a horrible bully. That’s despicable.

TheignT · 09/06/2025 17:13

Labiabella · 09/06/2025 16:45

I'm struggling to understand why she would show such obvious dislike to a 5 year old child.

It happens. Happened to one of mine. Fortunately I got on well with the teacher, my older child had done well with her. I went and said I'd like a chat and she immediately said she knew it was unfair but she found him irritating, he was very marmite and all through school teachers either loved him or really didn't. She asked me to go to the Head with her and we got him moved to the other class where he was happy and did well and the teacher liked him.

Some friends were horrified at what she said but I was just grateful she was honest.

Original poster
ConfusedSloth · 09/06/2025 17:12

Genevieva · 09/06/2025 17:07

I also know myself, as a teacher with 2 decades experience, that you need to take other teachers’ opinions with a pinch of salt and build your own relationship with your pupils. It’s helpful to know a bit about class dynamics, but anything that comes across as personal reflects badly on the teacher.

What I would do in your shoes is ask to see the new form teacher to update them on his dyspraxia symptoms, your plans and the support you are hoping to get from school. If you can speed the diagnostic process up by going privately, do it. Dyspraxia is socially quite challenging for little boys if it makes joining in with football on the playground harder etc. Seating arrangements that help him get to know other boys who he might get on well with, but perhaps doesn’t know well, can really strengthen their confidence.

Show quote history

Thank you - it's difficult because, when I was teaching, I know teachers had a whole spectrum of "I need to go in prepared, they've told me this kid is this way and I'll make sure I'm on that" through to "I'm barely going to read this handover because I want to meet them without any preconceived ideas about who they are". I don't know what kind of teacher he'll have - or what the handover may say.

His confidence has taken a huge, huge hit - and that's very difficult. He does play football - he's not good but he laughs it off. Because DH has dyspraxia, we know that a good way to manage it is to really train things so he does a lot of sport and has learnt a lot of good things. Socially, with his peers, he's always got on really well but that is slipping a bit.

OP posts:
BookArt55 · 09/06/2025 17:12

I would meet with the Head and share your thoughts. Some of this is not normal, some i think you have not noticed if it hadn't of been for the constant issues. But they all feed in to bigger concern. I'd also meet with the Yr2 teacher as soon as possible in Sept and share about the confidence, not a great year, concerns raised and what you ahbe done to support. As teachers... use teacher speak to share that you aren't happy with the last teacher without saying it in so many words.

Imadesomething · 09/06/2025 17:11

Can you ask for a chat with the SENCO?

I'd avoid completely any mention of the nativity (though I do get your concerns) and focus on why the teacher first agreed dyspraxia then disagreed. Also suggest that if the teacher is concerned about his reading enough to move him down, then they need to explain to you what his issues are, because other professionals can't see the issue. It might be worth remembering though that you are paying the others, and so perhaps they might have a slightly biased perspective.

Get in there quickly too with the Y2 teacher. "Last year didn't go swimingly, and we want to support the school in any way possible. What can we do?"

I'd keep away from the personal stuff for the moment. It is galling and worrying, but put it down to a weird moment and move on afresh with next year.

Genevieva · 09/06/2025 17:07

ConfusedSloth · 09/06/2025 16:59

This is what I don't know.

On the one hand, we've only heard glowing things from his reception teacher, his reception LSA, his current LSA, the reception staff, the headteacher, his music teacher and his PE teacher... on the other hand, I know his main teacher will be doing his handover and I know that mud sticks (and I have no idea what it will say). I know from experience, as a teacher myself, that children get labelled as a certain ability and it's extremely hard to overcome that perception. I've had children in very low ability sets who should've been top set but they don't get moved for a whole host of reasons.

Show quote history

I also know myself, as a teacher with 2 decades experience, that you need to take other teachers’ opinions with a pinch of salt and build your own relationship with your pupils. It’s helpful to know a bit about class dynamics, but anything that comes across as personal reflects badly on the teacher.

What I would do in your shoes is ask to see the new form teacher to update them on his dyspraxia symptoms, your plans and the support you are hoping to get from school. If you can speed the diagnostic process up by going privately, do it. Dyspraxia is socially quite challenging for little boys if it makes joining in with football on the playground harder etc. Seating arrangements that help him get to know other boys who he might get on well with, but perhaps doesn’t know well, can really strengthen their confidence.

Original poster
ConfusedSloth · 09/06/2025 17:06

CopperWhite · 09/06/2025 16:59

When you say there’s never been an issue with behaviour, it may be that behaviours have been more manageable in nursery and reception and he has more opportunity to behave negatively now that so much more is expected, what with the jump between reception and Y1 being huge. So I wouldn’t focus on that. You also appear to be overreacting about the nativity.

The teacher could also reasonably agree with you that they see some behaviours that are consistent with dyspraxia but have told the school nurse that it is not enough to warrant intervention or a place on the schools SEN register.

I would just wait it out OP. Don’t give a thank you card at the end of the year and see what the next teacher says about reading.

Thank you.

On the behaviour front, this is the whole Behaviour section of his last report:
"X is a delightful child who lights up the room when he enters it! He is always so happy and excited to see his teachers and friends. X has excellent manners and always greets us with a cheery "Good morning" and a beaming smile.
X settled into school very well. He is independent in managing his belongings, and selects the resources he needs to enhance his play. His happy, friendly, positive attitude makes him popular with his peers. He adores chatting about his interests, home experiences, or what he is trying to create in his play. X has an excellent vocabulary, and can hold engaging conversations. If another teacher comes to visit, X is always one of the first to say hello, make them welcome and tell them about his learning. His contributions to discussions are well-thought, and enable his peers to also move their learning on. He thinks carefully about the learning that is presented, and asks questions to further his understanding. X's communication skills provide his friends with a strong role-model to emulate. He demonstrates a good understanding of what is expected of him at school and always behaves beautifully.
X relishes learning, and is always keen to explore new activities and resources in the learning environment. He enjoys the role play area, creating imaginative storylines with his peers. X loved being a police officer; he listened carefully to PC [visitor], and enjoyed instructing the 'criminals' on how to improve their behaviour! X also enjoys being outdoors, digging in the garden or constructing with the large scale loose parts. He will persevere until he has achieved a satisfying conclusion."

If that's that his poor behaviour was more easily managed, I feel lied to.

On the dyspraxia thing, they were specific things. Does she see him stuttering/stammering? No, on the school nurse's form - but she said he stutters/stammers when we spoke with her. Can he do a two-footed jump? She said yes, we know he can't, we discussed it at parents evening. Can he skip? She said yes on the form, we know he can't, we discussed it at parents' evening. It wasn't a general "is he doing ok?", it was clear and exact questions.

OP posts:
greengreyblue · 09/06/2025 17:03

Always speak to the teacher first. In my school the head would encourage that before she gets involved

theresnolimits · 09/06/2025 17:03

Sorry you’re worried OP but at this stage, I think I’d move on and see where you are with a new teacher in September. Any new teacher will make their own judgements and no one is going to ‘fake’ any sort of phonics assessment out of spite against a 5 year old.

It may be he hasn’t gelled with this teacher - this does happen. That’s why a new teacher every year helps and, at secondary, I was always delighted if my kids got on with 50% of their teachers.

But you’re at the beginning of a long educational journey and counting the words or the bows in nativity will seem ridiculous when they’re 13.

I appreciate you want to protect and advocate for your child but you need to keep it in perspective and make sure your child does too.

As a secondary school teacher I’ve had kids say to me ‘You don’t like me’ when I’ve taught 120 kids that day. I can barely remember who they are.

Spirallingdownwards · 09/06/2025 17:02

I wouldn't worry too much about the nativity as this often happens but I do see why you added it as background to the rest.

I am often the first to reply to threads that people ABU to complain about teachers but I think in this case there is indeed justification. She has formed a view about him and is blinkered now. I think actually I would speak to the Headteacher.

greengreyblue · 09/06/2025 17:02

In my experience teachers and TAs make their own minds up about chn. They will know that teacher too and sometimes you take things with a pinch of salt. If they don’t, they shouldn’tbe in education. Each new year is a new start. Lots of chn excel under a new teacher/ classroom/ year group situation and obviously they have grown and matured in that time.

MustTryHarderAndHarder · 09/06/2025 17:02

Labiabella · 09/06/2025 16:45

I'm struggling to understand why she would show such obvious dislike to a 5 year old child.

Some teachers are just nasty. 99% of teachers are great, but you're always going to get the nasty teachers I'm afraid as in any walk of life.

CopperWhite · 09/06/2025 16:59

When you say there’s never been an issue with behaviour, it may be that behaviours have been more manageable in nursery and reception and he has more opportunity to behave negatively now that so much more is expected, what with the jump between reception and Y1 being huge. So I wouldn’t focus on that. You also appear to be overreacting about the nativity.

The teacher could also reasonably agree with you that they see some behaviours that are consistent with dyspraxia but have told the school nurse that it is not enough to warrant intervention or a place on the schools SEN register.

I would just wait it out OP. Don’t give a thank you card at the end of the year and see what the next teacher says about reading.

Original poster
ConfusedSloth · 09/06/2025 16:59

Genevieva · 09/06/2025 16:56

Will it resolve itself with a new teacher at the start of the new academic year?

This is what I don't know.

On the one hand, we've only heard glowing things from his reception teacher, his reception LSA, his current LSA, the reception staff, the headteacher, his music teacher and his PE teacher... on the other hand, I know his main teacher will be doing his handover and I know that mud sticks (and I have no idea what it will say). I know from experience, as a teacher myself, that children get labelled as a certain ability and it's extremely hard to overcome that perception. I've had children in very low ability sets who should've been top set but they don't get moved for a whole host of reasons.

OP posts:
greengreyblue · 09/06/2025 16:57

This is why you need a meeting. As for phonics screening not mattering, of course it does! Not for any result for your child, they won’t know they’re doing it or whether they have passed or not. But if he’s not passing it’s an indicator of difficulty so it does matter just so that his progress isn’t hampered and any support that may be needed can be out in place.
It may be that he reads fluently but does not comprehend and can’t answer questions on what he has read. For that reason we may hold chn back a little.

Genevieva · 09/06/2025 16:56

Will it resolve itself with a new teacher at the start of the new academic year?

Original poster
ConfusedSloth · 09/06/2025 16:56

Labiabella · 09/06/2025 16:50

@Beryls I left teaching for similar reasons.
I'm sorry to say but some of these issues (nativity lines and apparently knowing more about reading ability than teachers) would have us lot rolling our eyes in the staffroom and wondering why the hell we bother.

This is the problem though, isn't it? DH is a teacher and I was a teacher - we dealt with more than a fair share of baseless and ridiculous complaints. And yet, because of those parents, when I have clear evidence of a huge amount, I'll get laughed at in the staff room because of the parts I don't have conclusive proof of.

So, what can I do when another parent tells me that the teacher insulted my child behind their back? What can I do when the teacher lies to my face or to the school nurse (because she told us two completely opposing things)?

OP posts:
ByCyanMoose · 09/06/2025 16:55

Nosetotoe · 09/06/2025 16:46

Oh she hasn’t

this is from the mouth of a 5 year old at the end of the school day

Show quote history

Yes, never ever believe anything a child says about an adult. This is definitely how we prevent abuse.

Original poster
ConfusedSloth · 09/06/2025 16:54

Bushmillsbabe · 09/06/2025 16:50

Reading assessment isnt only their ability to read, it's their ability to remember, to predict what happens next, to understand why the characters are doing what they are doing etc. My 5 year old reads chapter books at home, but still very mid level at school, and when asked why, they said her actual reading ability is good but her comprehension isn't as good, so that's why she hasn't moved up, is that sane for your son maybe.

In terms of the dyspraxia, did you ask GP for a referral to OT? You don't need school to be involved in this at the assessment stage, although hopefully they would put in place recommendations if needed.

Thank you - yes, comprehension was covered in the private assessments (as a distinct part commented on) and he scored highly on that as well. The teacher couldn't tell us what he wasn't doing well enough when we asked - just that she would move his book band up.

The GP said the waiting list for an OT is long so the most efficient thing is to refer through the school nurse because they get stronger evidence for a quick referral and the school can implement a plan immediately instead of waiting for an EHCP. The teacher told us explicitly that she sees all the same things we see at home and then told the school nurse that she sees no symptoms at all.

OP posts:
Bushmillsbabe · 09/06/2025 16:50

Reading assessment isnt only their ability to read, it's their ability to remember, to predict what happens next, to understand why the characters are doing what they are doing etc. My 5 year old reads chapter books at home, but still very mid level at school, and when asked why, they said her actual reading ability is good but her comprehension isn't as good, so that's why she hasn't moved up, is that sane for your son maybe.

In terms of the dyspraxia, did you ask GP for a referral to OT? You don't need school to be involved in this at the assessment stage, although hopefully they would put in place recommendations if needed.

OnLockdown · 09/06/2025 16:50

I'd complain. If you don't advocate for your son, who is going to?

I've brought up a lot less and I don't give a shit if I'm that parent.

pimplebum · 09/06/2025 16:50

Who cares what he gets in his phonic assessment ?? Completely unimportant
“ test” employers do nit ask for it at interview

it matters not a jot what she says in handing over to new teacher , new teacher will make their own opinions and assessments

as for the unkindness on the school trip that is concerning as was the assembly but there are just 7 weeks left with this teacher

very concerning that you think it could be to do with facial DIFFERENCE ( as it now known - not disfigurement) but I’d be horrified if a teacher treated a child like this because of that I just can’t believe that is the case

Original poster
ConfusedSloth · 09/06/2025 16:50

greengreyblue · 09/06/2025 16:40

Oh my goodness that sounds worrying. As for the nativity, it can be hard to divide parts up equally. At my school we try to accommodate requests but can’t always. Speaking is not superior to acting, singing etc. I’m a HLTA in yr1 and 2 and sometimes see disgruntled parents who misunderstand or are told incorrect information by their child which they believe. But, I don’t know why a teacher would want a child to be lower than they are capable of, after all it affects the data. Each child that fails the phonics screen is a percentage of the class so she would want them all the pass. I would raise this issue with the teacher. Book a meeting and ask her to explain what she perceives to be his reading difficulty. Then reveal your private assessment. I would make it clear that you want him to go forward into year 2 enthusiastically and with confidence. If the meeting is not fully reassuring I would be making an appointment with the headteacher.

Thank you.

I appreciate the difficulty with dividing things up, having been a teacher too. I've tried really hard to only consider what I know to be true. There weren't acting or singing parts. One child had a one-verse solo but all other parts had all the children singing and doing exactly the same actions. We were asked to submit online whether our child wanted a speaking or non-speaking part. Whether they had a speaking part or not didn't change their singing/dancing. The group of parts (shepherds, angels, etc) came up altogether and some said a line and some didn't. If it were just the line length, or being at the back, or being the only one without a song on stage, or being the only one without doing a bow then it'd be fine and I'd brush it off - but all of these seems like too much of a coincidence.

Thank you for your advice. At parents' evening she just brushed us off and said she's moving him up now and maybe his dyspraxia is the problem - no specific issue (i.e. knowing the sounds or blending or whathaveyou).

OP posts:
Labiabella · 09/06/2025 16:50

@Beryls I left teaching for similar reasons.
I'm sorry to say but some of these issues (nativity lines and apparently knowing more about reading ability than teachers) would have us lot rolling our eyes in the staffroom and wondering why the hell we bother.