WIBU to complain about this teacher?

I'd go with @Londonmummy66's sensible suggestions.

It is too late in the year to do much about the current teacher. Look to the future.

Honestly I would take it all to the head. Write it down and be factual, no opinions/feelings. I’d leave out the nativity stuff as whilst it could be the case it can’t be proved. Definitely include the school trip, the reading levels vs private assessment and evidence of dyspraxia plus proof teacher dismissed it. I’d also ask for the senco to observe your child.

I wouldn’t worry too much about phonics/teacher input for next year. If it’s wrong the new teacher will some realise.

Some of what you’ve said is low level (over protective parent) nonsense (I’ve been there myself trying to hold myself back from a stupid complaint) but the comment at the zoo would have me complain.

This is NOT ok and I would want to get to the bottom of it. That is a disciplinary.

I think I would ask for a joint meeting with the head and the SENCO and explain that you have the following concerns

1. Teacher has said child is not able in reading - as a result you got a tutor in and the tutor disagreed - this is there report... in order to be objective you then got a second opinion and this is what they said....
2. As a result of that you started to wonder why the teacher was saying that about DS and then another mother related to you the remarks they made at the zoo. As teachers yourselves you and DH understand that sometimes teachers may dislike a child but you try very very hard to be objective - it seems that this teacher has a very active dislike of DS to make a comment like that to other children which makes you wonder how objective their assessment of DS is.
3. You don't want to make a big song and dance given that it is the end of the year but you would like two things to happen. First that someone other than the teacher does DS's phonics test to get an objective reading on where he is given the conflicting opinions. and secondly that you would like to sit down now with his teacher for next year plus the SENCO and talk through both the reading issues and the dyspraxia issues so that they are front and foremost when they approach DS in their class next year.

🤦‍♀️

The same could be said to you.

Over the course of all this prodigious learning you have done, I’m surprised you haven’t heard the saying “If you’re already in a hole, stop digging.”

Exactly, the teacher has been reported as saying something that possibly warrants a disciplinary

It was right there in her opening post: 'I've had a parent tell me she was unkind about him on a school trip (other parent was a parent helper on the trip and overheard her compare my child to one of the animals in the zoo to other children when my child wasn't there).'

FWIW, I once heard an interesting talk by a prominent academic who is an education researcher. Her research focusses on primary education and she has always done a some primary teaching (in a university affiliated school, since becoming an academic). She is by all accounts an excellent teacher and uses her classroom work to inform her research.

To the point….

She thinks that teachers at all levels, from nursery to HE, should refrain from conceptualising whether they like certain children, pupils or students. Her reasoning is that if you give yourself permission to like some, you give yourself permission to dislike others. Too often this plays out badly in some form.

She obviously loves to teach and does it well, her pupils consistently make strong gains in her subject and adore her. But she approaches them in a fairly objective, well bounded manner. I believe her when she says she tries to bring out the best in each and doesn’t cultivate personal feelings.

I don’t usually back complaining about teachers and I probably wouldn’t here re the school play etc but the zoo comment was absolutely appalling and I would have definitely gone to the HT for that alone!
Could you talk to the SENCO re your concerns about his reluctance for school now?

The comment at the zoo is outrageous.
The bits about the nativity seem petty observations. I understand that for you they form part of the bigger picture, but they undermine the power of all your other evidence, imo.

I wouldn’t ‘complain’ if I were you, especially so close to the end of the year when there’s little to nothing that will be done to help your son.
BUT, I would write a letter to the Head, copied to the Chair of Governors, and tell the rest of your ‘story’.
Tell them he’s had a miserable year, and that you are hopeful that Year 2 will give him a fresh restart.

A formal complaint will just put next year’s teacher on edge. Whereas this sort of response would give them a chance to show you and your son that they are not the same as his Y1 teacher.

Good luck! xx

A teacher friend told me it tends to go one of two ways if you don't like a child.

1. You pick at them for every little thing.
2. You over compensate and everyone thinks that child is teachers let.

No idea if it's true but she did teach keystage one and said it was her experience.

The first thing I would have said to the nurse was that it completely contradicted what she says previously and maybe you should all have a meeting to discuss

yes I wondered this.

Let’s say what your DS is telling you is 100% accurate and what the other mother heard was spot on accurate too… then this teacher doesn’t just dislike your son, she is utterly psychotic (which is unlikely)

No I really don’t. My reading comprehension is just fine. I have many degrees, diplomas etc that would support that but is suspect you don’t really care (which is fine). I get you don’t agree with me and that’s perfectly fine but argue the point not the person.

Not outraged at all. Perfectly chill. You dripped the info in some parts and frankly it’s another case of I don’t like any other opinion other than my own.

Stand by what I said. My opinion and I’m entitled to it. I get that you don’t agree.

OP, in your shoes I'd be torn between (a) wanting my DC to have the education they need, and (b) wanting to dismember this teacher for the zoo comment, and the water comment, and for making my child miserable.

As an adult, I probably need to say do (a)... so arrange a meeting to raise dyspraxia issues with head & teacher (& school nurse?), particularly given GP advice That's the minimum level of clarification you need to get sorted. Have very recent videos of your son attempting age-appropriate things - jumping, skipping, walking along a line, whatever - to refer to.

As a parent and teacher, I never wanted to be ‘one of those parents’ and as such didn’t truly advocate for my children at times, which I bitterly regret.

I understand that the Christmas play upset you and your son, but I would put that on the back burner for now.

If you think about the teaching standards and how this teacher potentially behaves with other children in her care, I would discuss with the head: how your dyspraxia concerns have been handled; the way she spoke about your child to other children; not monitoring his reading closely or having a clear rationale for his sudden and unchecked regression.

This is a tough one. If it were earlier in the year, I would definitely request a meeting with the teacher and the headteacher (or possibly two separate meetings). With just weeks remaining in the term, I'm not sure it would be worth it. Would anything actually be accomplished? This teacher will most likely not change her opinion of your child and a complaint won't make her like him any more than she currently does. If you are most concerned about the handover, I really wouldn't worry. Your son's next teachers should assess his abilities independently and form their own opinions.

If you do go ahead with a meeting or complaint, I wouldn't mention everything in your OP. For example, I wouldn't say a word concerning the minutiae about the nativity play. While all those details are important to you, they are really insignificant and by mentioning them it could make you seem less credible and cause the headteacher to discount anything else you say.

The main issues seem to be both academic and social/personal: the teacher's inaccurate assessment of your child's reading ability and her unkindness to him in general (evidently saying that he isn't as clever as another child, comparing him to an animal at the zoo, etc.). All of these things are worrying. I know that people on MN defend teachers reflexively, but the reality is that some teachers don't treat all children well. Of course, teachers are human and will naturally like some pupils more than others. But they shouldn't let that get in the way of treating all of them equally and discovering their individual strengths and weaknesses. I teach adults (university) and I have certainly had students who were challenging or with whom I experienced a personality clash, but I really try never to let my views interfere with the way I interact with them.

And that makes it better ??? Erm no it doesn't

Enough already, stop trolling the OP