Ever heard of someone being given a bonus for their partner's '𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐛𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧'?

I think that's fine though because its a reward that's personal and based on that personal relationship.

Generically rewarding senior people across the board for having facilitating spouses is basically admitting that you need a facilitating spouse to do your job. Plus its massively discriminating against and alienating for single people.

Not a bonus, but dh books/pays for/ hosts his EA and her partner at a sporting event partner loves as recognition of him dealing with her being away a lot and working long hours. The personal gift from dh to EA at Christmas is also chosen to very much be something they both will like

Grim. Reinforcing the idea that behind every successful man is a facilitating wife.

As someone who's raised a child largely solo while working unbelievably hard with no support it makes me feel vaguely sick that men (and let's be honest it is always men) are being rewarded for having someone to do all their domestic work.

I'm actually quite shocked that this sort of shit goes on.

oh. I read it as the OP and her partner have a lodger .....and I checked and was right.... LittleBitofBread · 09/06/2025 15:57

As with a lot of these things, it's more complicated than perhaps the people who came up with it thought, and potentially a can of worms.
My DP and I used to have a lodger who worked long hours in a demanding job.
Between us we did the vast majority of the cooking, clearing up, food shopping and general mental load. Did we deserve a bonus? If not, why not?

Eh?

The comment was on bonuses for people doing household duties.

Somebody commented that they split duties with their partner lodger and should they get a bonus too.

Somebody said the lodger is paying for cooking and cleaning to be done for them and I said that is incorrect.

so in that case, either the lodger does his own or the homeowner charges for it surely? And if their work means they can't do their own then the homeowner addresses it with the lodger?

My initial thought was the tax implications. More efficient for the family to receive some income for a SAHM. It as others have said how do they have her bank details / NI number. And if it’s just given as a ‘gift’ what does it fall into on their balance sheet?

my partners company gave us (me) a nice hamper and flowers etc when we had our first baby. It was way more than my company did (nothing) so I thought it was generous. But giving money seems a step too far somehow.

For the room. Not cooking and cleaning.

This.
I would love to have a wife!

Sounds very 1950s, Stepford Wives -ish!!
I don’t like it.

My partners company send me flowers and a special card at Christmas thanking me for supporting him. I think it’s a lovely idea, they have no women work there but they do send male partners the same too

but they pay to be there?

Lodgers don’t typically pay for cooking and cleaning.

I’d want to know the amount that she got but on reflection it sounds like made up rubbish.

100%

On the other hand though, if my husband's company want to give me (a SAHM) a bonus.. the cheque would be shoved straight into my bra & no more said about it 🤣🤣💃💃

Families that work at our places get free holidays every so often and bonuses can be paid in the most tax efficient way between couples.

Nothing in the OP or subsequent discussion suggests HMRC have been informed.

Is there any other kind ?

It doesn't feel right. I'm finding it hard to articulate why, but it feels very patriarchal. Is it just for married couples? Is it really only given to men?

So many scenarios and questions, about how it applies...
What about the single parent who doesn't have a 'silent contributor'? Do they get double as they do it all?
What about the people who've chosen to stay single or child free to forge forward in their careers?
What about people who's spouse also has a career of their own?

If either of our employers offered this I'm guessing me and dp wouldn't get it:

• we both work so neither is 'silently contributing'.
• domestic/childcare stuff is split 50/50, and not quiet about it.
• we've been together 18yrs but not married

you will find that’s tricky for tax if the person it has been given too has no/very little other income, so would be taxed at a lower rate than a high earning spouse. HMRC likely to argue it should be taxed at the spouse’s income.

My husband has several times been given a small additional bonus to take me to a 5* dinner or weekend away. As a thank you for putting up with his frequent travel away from home.

We’re DINKs not that it should matter.

but he was a lodger. You only had to provide the services he was paying for. Even if it was a house share, it was up to him to deal with keeping up with the work share he had committed to and not up to you.

Sounds like cringey LinkedIn bollocks 🤢

I’ve read that a few times and can’t find a way to make it not icky.

I don’t want gratitude for my partner working, and he sure as hell doesn’t deserve a round of applause for my hard work either.

Even if the tables were turned and it was given to the menfolk of working women, why on earth would someone else get a pat on the back for my efforts.

Condescending much!

Well, he was paying for room and utility bills and a cleaner. Things like cooking and washing up were supposed to be equally shared, but it just panned out that his job became incredibly busy and demanding. He also worked in an office and had quite a long commute, whereas I work at home, so in a sense it was easier for me to do more things around the house.
I'm not complaining about any of this, you understand, just making the same point that someone else made: that this set-up seems to assume a very traditional and traditionally gendered division of labour responsibility, and doesn't necessarily reflect all households these days.