9 year olds out on their own

Agree ! My children all played at local park after school from Yr5 summer term .
In 2009 my 9 year old and all his friends disappeared every day to go tobogganing in the local steep field . The Mums just checked in occasionally with hot drinks and snacks . They had a fabulous time .

My daughter is ten and would have been allowed to do this without adults at that age. However wouldn’t have appreciated the decision being made for me. You know your child best and you presumably don’t know this area as well as your own.
Occasionally I’ve had DD friends over to play and have checked with the other kids parents before letting them all go to local park a couple streets away. Last year she had friends over for Halloween trick or treating and I checked with all parents beforehand that they were aware I wasn’t going with them (just our street).

While I think 9 isn't too young for going to the park, yanbu. They should have checked if you were ok with it, it's not their place to decide.

Yanbu, my 9yo is out in the village all the time but that’s my choice as a parent. I would absolutely check any new friend for what their parent is comfortable with.

yes she knew they were going, with the DAD, not in their own just a group of 9 years old. She is certainly NOT being unreasonable

Arrangement are usually made in advance anyway and an agreement around being home by X time.

That sounds awfully boring. Kids can decide to meet friends on the day, what's wrong with that? Some clubs are cancelled at the last minute, a friend has a new puppy, plenty of reasons why they just make plans there and then.

Yes, adults too, I can't imagine not being able to do something last minute because I am unable to contact my husband and see if he's around for the kids.

Having a phone has never stopped anyone to have common sense and "survival" skills 🙄

I just think it's worth spending time helping them to be competent without a phone. For many phones are replacing parenting and the development of children's common sense/'survival' skills. Arrangement are usually made in advance anyway and an agreement around being home by X time. I don't want a child with a phone thinking ah it's grand and I'll change agreements with a text etc. Adults guilty of this also and we're not as dependable. My 13yo had no phone until 13, thi it does seem different in Ireland, and there were no ill effects only that he is well able to go out and about now confidently.

coping without a phone means you can't call your parents and ask if you can go with your friends, you can't make arrangements
means you can't ask to be picked up
and you are missing out on the arrangements your friends are making between themselves and you completely left out. Trackers for parents are also more than useful.

I mean you can cope, but now that there's no public phone around - like there were when I was a child, it's make life a lot more complicated than it needs to be

The issue really is that the parents didn't check with you, isn't it.

9 is definitely an age where, if you had someone else's child in your care, you would check with the parents before you let them out alone.

Personally I don't think it's ok at all that they didn't check with you.

She's 9. Either you keep her with you at all time, or you start thinking about getting a phone and discussing going without adults.
Disagree with this. I think it's very worthwhile supporting children to be independent and competent without a phone.. like we all were. Phones will have no signal/battery/credit. Much better to be able to cope without a phone first and know what to do if/make and stick to arrangements etc.
I think when minding a child we are in loco parentis so make decisions as we see fit. Again, I see completely how you were thrown by the change of plan here however. If there's something you don't want to happen, I think it's on the visiting parent to say eg chance of a father snatching from the street.
It's a good age now OP to discuss rules and plans around going out alone.

Yr 6 round here is age 10 to 11. Where do you live?

I'm sorry you have that circumstance, that must have been scary. I think where I am a 9 year old not being able to go out alone is such an exception that parents would be sure to mention it to other parents, rather than hope they would ask them for consent. I certainly hope they would say something in a situation like yours (obviously without details, just saying X isn't allowed to go places without an adult) - if a parent said that to me I would definitely respect and follow that.

I'm curious. What would you have said if they called you and said 5 kids are going to the park together without adult supervision?

As parents we all make the judgement to the best of our knowledge and abilities for this one. Balanced between risk assessment and the need for our children to become independent. But you can't do this if you are misinformed, so saying an adult would be there and then it not happening is definitely not on.
And comparisons with other countries and what we might or might not have done as children is irrelevant. The world is a different place and children are brought up differently and other countries have different societal norms.
The judgement call is in today's society, not a society of 40 years ago.

Miscommunication. They probably did think the change of plan was an issue; their child might have been doing that trip with friends for over a year so they assumed it would be fine. I can't see an issue with it and I'd assume a 9 year old had been taught to cross roads safely and play at the park safely.

Children need to start going out on their own. 9 is fine, It’s more unhealthy and damaging for them to be stuck in front of screens all the time! It’s causing an anxiety epidemic. Which is be far more to be concerned about.

That being said! It should be your decision and you should have been informed.

I do think if you trust the parents enough to send your child over alone then you have to abdicate a reasonable amount of decision making to them.

I would consider this a reasonable decision.

Absent additional needs, they are wrong, and they are not helping their children gain independence and be safe in the outside world.

Happens a bit later here but we are in London.

Even at 11 (yr 6 not yr 7, so some of the class are still 10) I check with the parents first before allowing kids to go to the park alone. It’s all they want to do though, because it’s novel at the moment!

Why do you think that if children can't go out by themselves it means they can never play outside?

I think in principle I’d be ok with it but only if I’d been asked first.
My 9 year old is in year 4 and whilst they are quite sensible there are plenty of their peers I wouldn’t trust to do the same. Their maturity levels vary wildly at that age.

Do you know every family circumstance, though?

My dad would happily have snatched me off the street to distress my mum.

just a different perspective.

I wholeheartedly agree @IPreacts I also work with young children and the way parents infantalise their children is truly disturbing and goes against every piece of research into child development. I see it everyday, parents gushing over really basic achievements yet preventing them from progressing, they might as well say 'hey kid, i think you are useless and stupid'. Today I saw an almost 5 yr old being carried from the car to the school, no physical reason, and it happens almost every day so it's not a managed tantrum situation.

You should be delighted OP your kid can go to the park with friends now..she has achieved something good, she handled it well showing you she is capable and it's something you should be proud of.

It's getting to the tricky age, where children are given very different levels of freedom and it's hard to manage for parents! Either you check too much, and you are overprotective, or you don't check enough, and other people are not happy.

I will allow my children to have independence but shouldn't I have been given the choice and been told they were going alone?
It's becoming your problem to actually check. When you have groups with independent kids, most parents genuinely forget that one might be less free.

She hasn't got a phone
she's 9. Either you keep her with you at all time, or you start thinking about getting a phone and discussing going without adults.