9 year olds out on their own

Teens I know are deeply offended if parents just walk past and breathe when they are with their mates 😂

My 15 year old still holds my hand 🥰🥰🥰

My point is that Jessica and holly at 10 weren’t mature enough to know that even though they knew the caretaker, it was odd to be invited in to his house. He wasn’t a stranger, so it was ok!!

my 15 year old is mature enough to know that it wouldn’t be ok to do that, but she also would have gone in when she was 10, so at some point between 10 and 15, she matured.

there is so much time for them to develop their independence slowly and steadily, it’s not a race.

its only when their maturity is ‘tested’ that we really know , if Jessica and holly hadn’t been put in to that situation, all would have been well, but sadly they were just not mature enough to correctly risk assess.

im just not prepared to take that chance with my daughters.

that’s not to say they are wrapped in wool. The 12 and 9 year old go to the shops together, I let the 9 year old shop in the mall and I follow discreetly behind.

and because none of her friends go out alone, there’s no peer pressure.

This is how I feel. My kid still likes to hold my hand when we go for a walk - I’m not going to discourage that as I know I’ve only got a few months more till she’ll never want to do it again.

she’s an only child but I see some of her friends who are so desperate to grow up - they have their own phones, wear make up, etc. I’m happy for her to still be a kid and mess around!!!

i’m not letting her have a phone until she’s 11 and even that’s under duress so she can have one when she starts school. I want to keep that toxicity away from her as long as possible.

What happened to those girls is a tragedy but I don’t think it’s a convincing argument for not allowing your children age-appropriate independence. You’ll probably find that statistically, they’re more likely to have something bad happen to them in their own home (through accidents) or in the car on the way somewhere.

The world can be a scary place, but it can also be wonderful and fulfilling and interesting and throw challenges out that build resilience. I imagine nearly everyone on this thread played out at 10 years old and we are all still here to tell the tale

Holly wells and Jessica chapman were 10.

evidently their parents thought they were old enough, but who’d have thought the caretaker would do that. My 15 year old wouldn’t go in to her caretaker’s house. My 10 year old would.

everything is fine….until it isn’t.

When this happened to us, I mulled it over for a while but in the end I had.to say something because I didn't want to keep avoiding playdates. It wasn't fair on my DD to miss out on playing with her friend.

I just approached it and said that honestly I'd rather my Dd didn't go out to the park alone while on a play date etc.

It was well received, no problems.

I have 3 daughters, so I have experience! I’m fairly chilled and relaxed I think.

Youngest is 9 , nearly 10, and no, I wouldn’t let her walk to the shops or the park. There is be need , plenty of time in the future for all this and it’s just not worth the worry.

i found with the older 2, that I just ‘knew’ when it was the right time, and we aren’t there yet with Dd3. There’s no rush to make them independent i dint think.

It seems to be a shame that parents are so risk-adverse.

They talk about when children were 'safe' in the 1950/60's But when were the Moors murders happening?

My thoughts is that children need to be given their freedom along with the tools to keep themselves safe - don't talk to strangers, NEVER get into anyone's car, NEVER go into anyone's house before checking with your mum that its ok.

I was brought up in the country. I remember my brother aged about 14 getting completely pissed when he'd told my parents he was going fishing with some mates. They got hold of some cider & got blasted. A farmer friend brought him home in the back of his land rover, unable to walk & puking everywhere the friend said 'I think this belongs to you' with the attitude 'boys will be boys' & commented that will teach the lad a lesson. My parents made him clear up all his puke before putting him to bed.

Then my father made him eat a big fry-up and go to the farmer friend to apologise.

My brother is tee-total. I wonder why?😂

I understand why you're unhappy. Your child doesn't have the experience of going out alone and you were told they would be supervised. It doesn't matter one bit what kids in the 80s were doing or what anybody else's is allowed to do. You've every right to be annoyed.

We've got a park at the end of our street that my daughter has been going to alone (meaning with friends and without an adult, not solo) since just before she turned 5. She's just about to turn 10. I have never once assumed in those years that her friends or cousins from different areas could do the same as her and I have always checked with the parents beforehand if they were happy for theirs to be unsupervised or preferred me to go along with them. I would expect the same from them.

You're not being unreasonable at all.

Yanbu because you didnt know and had no chance to prepare your child. Most people would give a talk about strangers, what to do in an emergency etc before letting a child go out alone the first time.

why am i not surprised that it was a man supposedly in charge?

I am already debating this in my head and he's only (almost) six so it's not even an issue yet. I want him to have the freedom I did, but we don't live where I did!
I'd be bothered by this situation too, I'd really want to know it was happening at least!

I wouldn’t be happy. DD is 9 and I wouldn’t let her go to the park yet without an adult and not a chance I’d let other peoples children go while at our house.

But we live in a city centre and the parks can be a bit dodgy round here. If we lived in a small town similar to where I grew up the. I’d probably be ok with it.

but I’d not make that decision for another parent and I’d be cross if they didn’t check with me.

I'd be fuming OP. I took three 11 yo's shopping yesterday - they were under strict instructions to stay in the shopping centre but I gave them freedom to wander by themselves in there.

When we moved to another shopping centre a short walk away, I walked with them and was always nearby. All three had phones and all were warned to answer if I called them.

I also made sure that all parents knew and were ok with this plan beforehand.

In the 90s my kids started going out with friends on our estate from 8. They built up to walking into town by 10.

In the 1970s I was roaming around from 7, ( I was very sheltered by 70s standards) started off in view of the house, on a slope with view across to a wooded slope. We built dens in there. From 9 I was biking miles from home. By 10 walking or catching the bus into town.

We didn't have a phone at home, so once we were out, that was it, parents didn't know where we were. I took picnics out on my bike rides ( famous five style) during summer holidays so was gone hours.

I guess from some responses we can see why childrens mental health is such a concern these days.

The most important thing here op, is that you weee told the Dad was going and you made the decision to leave her based on that. I would be upset too.

regarding going out on their own, I’m really for this for many reasons. My DD has been playing out on the estate on her own (all cul-de-sac) with the other kids since she turned 8.

I am vehemently against tracking your kids.

Absolutely this.

It IS technically your call OP. But I think it’s sad that you won’t allow your 9 year old any independence. My 7yo plays out on the park opposite my house when there are other kids playing there. Granted it’s closer, but I’d like to think that by 9 he will be going further afield to explore and build up some resilience and he will be doing it without a phone (shock horror)

Your children are far more unsafe being online than they are playing out in a local park.

That's exactly right. She walked part of the way to school from the start of Y5, then home again after a few months.
She and DS were going to the park earlier but TBF you can see the park from the front door.

I read it as her child is currently in year 6, but was walking home alone from the age of 9.

@Ineedtorunaway maybe not a phone for your DD but how about one of those GPS watches? Then you can keep track to reassure you, and she can call you if necessary.

It's really tricky at this age. My DS are 8 and 9 and have started going out on their bikes to their friends down the road. It's a couple if hundred yards really. Quiet rural road. They're very good at road sense. I wouldn't send them with a friend though, if I hadn't asked the parent..

Also, ds1 has a phone for this purpose. He can call me, and I can track him.

We live in a small village. My son is now 20, but I know he was 9 the first time he went to the park alone (I can remember as we ended up in A&E for a suspected broken ankle, but that’s another story! 😂)
So I think it is a reasonable age for them to go alone, but I also think it should be the parent’s decision and not a friend’s parent.
Every child is different and has different levels of being responsible. My nephew was a nightmare and wouldn’t have been able to be unsupervised at that age, so I think you’re reasonable to be cross.

Old enough for that situation but you definitely should have been asked

That’s when my daughter started going round the park with her friends.

No I don’t think it’s unreasonable for 9 year olds to be put, but I do think it’s definitely a decision to be discussed with the kids parents. Whether it’s ok is based on a whole host of factors including the area and the child. BUT the decision lies with the parent and I would have expected a discussion first