9 year olds out on their own

You would be be ‘furious’ if someone took that choice away from you. ? Furious really?

Perhaps he just forgot and it didn’t seem necessary to him as they were in a group all together and in an area that he deemed safe.

The OPs child ‘survived’ going to the park. Amazing! There were no sexual predators hiding in the bushes on this occasion and a crowd of crazed knife wielding delinquents stayed at home that day. They were able to have a … childhood ! Free from suffocating parental helicoptering.

and in a few years time they will probably swig their first vodka in that park.😂

I have an almost 9/12 year olds and the 9 year old is slowly getting more independence. He has a phone watch and walks the mile back and forth to school. But each step has been my choice and after ensuring I felt confident in him. I’d never assume another child could do what he is doing and I’d be furious if someone took that choice away from me.

This. 100%. Yes you should have known she was going but you should have facilitated this type of independent activity already.

So imagine they text to say ' a group of 5 are walking the park, is it ok?"

What would you reply?

My DS and a friend both aged 10 have been meeting at the local park to play and have a kick about since the age of 9. A lot of his other friends are not allowed to go out without a parent so it's definitely an age where both views are fairly normal. They don't have phones and tbh I think phones for young children give a false sense of security, better to teach them some life skills and problem solving techniques than just give them a phone.

Terrible parenting? Wow!!

my 9 year old has never been out without me or her older sisters.

my 15 year old is about to fly to and from France by herself, she was brought up the same and I can assure you that she is not crippled by anxiety!!

Mine are now 21 &18 so long ago for me. I would just say better to introduce these things now ( after may half term) with the long light evenings than in the Autumn as the nights draw in. FWIW I think building independance at the end of yr 5 and thoughout yr6 is really important.

One of my kids is 9 so I can relate, and the general rule I always go by, even though we're in a village where kids play outside by themselves from age 7-8ish, is that if kids are at my house and decide to go to the local park, I send a message to the parents letting them know. However, I know my husband did forget to do this a few times. Also, the kids all have mobile phones (old ones, just for dialing) or tracking watches. I'd tell the parents in a nice way that "next time could they please let you know because your daughter isn't used to going anywhere by herself yet". And also consider getting her a smartwatch or an old phone, because this kind of thing is going to happen more and more as she gets older.

Do not infantilise your child. t is terrible parenting that your 9 year old has never been out without an adult (unless you live in the Bronx or something). No wonder so many teens suffer 'anxiety'

My 14 year old hasn't quite reached that stage yet it seems. She asked me for a lift to D&D club once, I said I only would if I could come in and say "hello nerds" to her friends and she agreed happily, and seemed a bit disappointed when I didn't do it

Those things don't prevent children getting age appropriate independence though, they just mean they can't play literally on the street like they could in decades past. They can still walk to the park, crossing at crossings (I taught mine only to cross if the oncoming cars have stopped, that crossing while they're slowing down isn't safe because there's no guarantee they'll stop in time)

Exactly this. And we wonder why children are not resilient and get anxious. They lack problem solving skills and confidence which are developed through figuring stuff out. Parental fear like this is giving them the message that they cannot be trusted so why trust themselves?

Then when they do eventually get freedom they don’t know how to handle it.

In Switzerland they walk to school at 4.
I know there are differences but I think we as a nation need to encourage independent activities like popping to the shop along the road nearby and buying Mum a paper etc a bit earlier than 9.

It’s so sad. I was travelling the world at 18 in my gap year before uni. We also need to remove the parental culture of shame that seems to be everywhere when parents let their children play outside and explore their neighbourhood.

Round here they generally start going to the park on their own in Year 6 so age 10/11. There are a few busy roads to cross. I guess it probably varies by area (we are in a city).

If they're 9 I'm guessing they're in Year 4? Which seems a bit young, unless it's a small park directly on the estate or something.

It's definitely something I'd expect to check with the parent at that age.

Surely a 9 year old should be able to play out, go to nearby park, shops etc with friends without parents? If not now, then when? They need some reasonable independence. Lack of independence at this age will be of no benefit to them and may well be damaging.

YANBU you were told an adult would be there and this turned out not to be the case. As a parent you should have been the one to decide whether this was appropriate.

Literally hundreds of children locally (Ireland) are walking and cycling home on their own each day at that age. Roads a d paths are safe, two traffic lights with green man crossings for my DC and there is a huge number on the route which ups the safety. It's not appalling at all!
ETA Apologies if you were being sarcastic! 😆

That’s absolutely appalling! It’s not the 80s or 90s anymore you know!

I remember the Soham murders like yesterday. Never once have I thought their parents shouldn't have left them out. At ten years old, together and in their own neighbourhood, the risk was absolutely minute and I can't live mine or my children's lives fearing those thankfully, rarer than rare situations. The chance of that happening your child is one in 14 million. The chance of death in a car accident is much higher but we do it daily, multiple times a day, and just prevent risk as much as we can.

Unfortunately, we just can't protect against every possible eventuality and even if we did there are other consequences to that.

From a safety perspective I think it’s ok for five children of that age if they are generally quite trustworthy (so you think it’s unlikely they’d leave her behind on her own for example).

But what’s not safe is for that decision making capacity to be taken away from you by another adult because they said an adult would be with the children and then they weren’t. That’s the part that is definitely not ok. It is your decision as a parent whether to let your child out without adult supervision and the mum told you an adult would be there, so an adult should have been there.

I wouldn’t trust these parents to do as they say again and so would think twice if my child wanted to go over to their house again.

It's not relevant though. Parents are adapting to what is in front of them now, not what was there in the 70s. More traffic, for example. Less open space for many people. Even residential streets are packed with multiple cars per household that 9 year old children often just aren't tall enough to see over and around. This stuff wasn't a factor in the 1980s.

Because the adults that were children 20, 30, 40 and 50 years ago largely grew up being much more resilient and independent than the kids that have grown up more recently…

Why do people keep posting as if what they done 20, 30, 40 and 50 years ago is remotely relevant?

My daughter last year, so just around turning 9, wanted to stop holding my hand, wouldn't let me give her a cuddle goodbye at school, and was absolutely desperate to walk to and from school on her own and even though I was devastated with the speed of it I tried to let her go as much as I felt was safe. After a few months she started asking me to walk all the way down to the school with her again, although she likes to walk halfway home herself, and she's not big on the goodbyes at the gate but she holds my hand all the time again. I feel like I was given a real reprieve ❤

So I'm with you on balance. They're only wee for such a short time. We're all walking a fine line and trying to do our best with the children we know better than anyone else does.

I agree. I don't live in the UK and find all this angst over when children can do things alone, or with friends but no parents, mind boggling. I see quite little children heading to and from school by themselves, and a few 9 year old kids in a park without parents would be totally normal.

I read posts on here where parents are treating their almost adult teens like children. It's ridiculous, and this poster is correct, it doesn't do kids any good to not be taught to be independent and to learn skills they will need to navigate adult life.

I mean it’s obviously only when we are about 400 miles from home and in the pitch dark, so she knows no one can see her (and possibly when she’s after some new clothes from Subdued!)