9 year olds out on their own

I'd say that was a bit different then. You carry on being autistic all your life whereas anxiety is not permanent.

Well she’s autistic so things aren’t always going to go in a straight line.

and of course we work on it. Things just take longer. She’s 12 now and walks herself to school, goes into town with friends, takes herself to dance class etc etc. But she wasn’t ready at 9. My son was ready for lots more by 8 so I didn’t hold him back. We are practicing going to the shops for him now as he can speak to strangers. My daughter, again, couldn’t do that at his age but is better at it now. I’m definitely not over protective about these sorts of things, I just know kids aren’t all the same.

On my estate I've known kids play alone from as young as 5 which to me is too young! We live right next to a kids park which is small so from 0-5 they were supervised fully, then I started watching them from my drive and then I would keep an eye on them whilst I washed the car or something.

Last year was the first year both kids were allowed to play on their own with me in the house and they were 6 1/2 and almost 9. I posted about it and the reactions were very much "don't do that, they will get kidnapped" but in my eyes the risk of kidnap is so low it's not worth worrying about. They are old enough not to go with randomers and whilst they couldn't put up a fight against a grown man I couldn't either.

They are now allowed to walk around the corner to their friends house and their friends of the same ages do the same and let them come to us and the park so there is usually a big group of them including a 12 year old. No roads to cross, no drug users hanging around on corners so it's a good start to increasing their independence and it's done them a lot of good.

My eldest is allowed to walk home from school if I wanted him to but that's a bit of a jump for us yet so something we will implement as of September when he starts year 6. I'm going there anyway so I'll more than likely see him and he has a phone so he can call me if he needs to.

I was allowed similar freedom as a child, by 10 I was definitely walking to the village shop, to my friend's houses without supervision. The area was more rural and smaller so the only difference was less cars but also the main road in my village had no pavement, everywhere round here does.

I would rather get told by a parent if my kids were going out unsupervised somewhere not on my estate and I make mine tell me where they are going so I know roughly where they are.

The world is terrifying but we as parents need to learn to let go in age appropriate ways to prepare them for adulthood.

Doesn't your daughter having anxiety make you want to give her MORE independence? Anxiety isn't something you "have" or "don't have" in perpetuity. It's something you breed by not exposing her to situations that make her anxious, or reduce by helping her to see she can do way more than she thinks.

Well both get to the same place for someone else’s child. If they don’t have the experience, they might not be ready. If they aren’t ready, you shouldn’t be the one to give them the experience.

My daughter has anxiety. She’s ready for everything like this far later than my younger son. She was 10 before she’d walk to school on her own and my son was 8 - and asked to do it earlier. So some of it is just about the child you have and other parents won’t necessarily know this.

Mostly the latter I'd say. Maturity is a process that you develop, not something that just happens to you. So children become more mature by having more responsibility and independence.

Or let her out without a phone, like kids almost everywhere.

Phones are arguably more dangerous than going to the park.

Interesting. Do parents restrict independence because a child lacks maturity, or is the child less mature because their parents give them no independence?

I'm quite surprised hiw many people are ok with their dc being out without an adult. I do agree that chikdren need the chance to ne independent. My care 8 and 9 and go out together, the 9yr old has a phone. But honestly, I'm absolutely in the minority to allow them out a bit they don't go far, and it's a work in progress, but quite a few of my mum friends are quite horrified by it!

That isn’t what was in my mind, no.

The ones who live in safe areas?

I think 9 probably is ok for this if it's a park within an estate and the other kids know their way to/from. Ive a 9 yr old and would probably be ok with it, although it would make me anxious. However, they should definitely have text/rung you to check in, I'd be the same as you, pretty cross that decision has been made for you. It's also daft of them, because if something had happened that is then an incredibly difficult chat that says "we let them out alone without you knowing and now your child us hurt/missing etc".

I see young children wandering around by themselves and I always think to myself what kind of parents is ok with that. Now I see! It’s always a certain part of society too. .

It didn’t sound from the original OP post that the park was either too far away or potentially risky or dangerous. It was relatively nearby and no dangerous roads to navigate.

You might have a different view at any age if it was an area where it’s well known that unsavoury characters hang out/ high incidence of knife crime/ gangs/ criminal activity.

It completely depends on the area you live in, my dd has been walking herself to and from school through the woods since age 7/8 (very encouraged by school) and going out to play with friends - that's all completely normal in our area. Kids as young as about 5 are streets away from home. However in the area my family live in I wouldn't let her now and she's 12.

Probably should have checked with you first if they've not had this independence before but again, if it were in our area it'd be completely normal not to go with them, especially in a group.

Nope. My child is never online. Not entirely to avoid predators, I just am not a huge fan of screens and how they affect my son (my daughter isn't bothered). So my protectiveness has many aspects!

It's obviously hugely dependent on where you live. I live in a city and a couple years ago a 10 year child was kidnapped from a local park by a group of older children in my daughter's high school. Obviously this isn't common but there are issues in the local parks. So I'm totally happy for my son to walk round to friends or walk to school or - soon - go down to the shops (my daughter started doing this sort of thing around 10/11) but not just go hang out in a park without a lot of preparation first.

Gosh- I would never assume a bunch of 9 year olds could be out in their own without checking first or knowing for sure that’s what they usually did. If anything happened to one I would never forgive myself.
Even now, in year 8 I would still check if I didn’t know the child well or the parent. Takes but a moment to check and is just courtesy to the other parent.
The fact they said another adult would be there and then wasn’t- I wouldn’t be happy at all.
All the judgement on this thread- oh I was out playing alone at 4 in 1952- yes great for you. It’s now 2025, very different. All children are different too- what one 9 year d is capable of is not the same for a different 9year old. If 4 of them decided to me mean and run off back home whilst one had their back turned that would leave 1 in a strange estate with no phone, not knowing where to go.
There are plenty of ways to foster independence but this has to be done with full consent from the parent

Totally agree with this. Tracking a phone only tells you where the phone is, anyway. Anyone who had bad intentions could just grab it and chuck it in a bush.
It also teaches them that if any issue arises, they must phone mum or dad before trying to solve the problem themselves.
It also sends the message that the world is dangerous and they can’t be trusted to navigate it on their own. I get that scares some people, but the detrimental effects of not giving your kid independence are very real.
You start building this independence slowly from quite young. The first time they can go off on their own in a soft play, for example. Sometimes DS might come over and tell me another kid is doing x, y or z to him and (as long as it’s not overly serious) my response is to tell him what I would do but that I trust him to handle it himself. He needs to learn and make mistakes. We cannot intervene in every little thing that happens to them. It’s not good.

We have a culture now of too much adult supervised structured down time. This club on this day, that club on another. Don’t get me wrong, I am not against clubs but I’m glad my 7yo is confident enough to go over to the park, make friends and climb trees.

I also wonder how many parents on here who would dream of letting their 9yo play out are totally ok with them playing online for hours on Roblox or similar. IMO that’s much worse. Predators don’t need to hang out on the streets anymore, they can just go online.

DC here (small Uk town) play out on the street from around 3 years (usually expected that the older ones would shout if anything was wrong with the little ones, and there is an occasional glance from the window). DC still in nappies playing out in the street is considered fine. They usually make their way out of sight for a decent portion of the day by 4-5 and are in and out of each others houses and gardens, by 5-6 they are definitely crossing the bigger roads as they are out on their bikes and scooters. 7-8 have free rein of the area really and are up the park, in and out of the shops buying chocolate and ice pops.

Im considered very protective because I made mine play in the garden only until they were at least 5 and wouldn’t let them cross the main road until 8 but once they could do that they were able to go about with friends, go up the leisure centre for a swim, on a bike ride, walk to and from school etc. I also don’t let them go into neighbours houses unless I know them first which has offended people multiple times even though I don’t mean it that way.

I can’t easily understand a 9-10 year old who doesn’t do anything unsupervised. That’s the age where they start getting the bus to the next town to go swimming with friends, and yes that’s nerve wracking too but it goes in stages. By 10-11 they have to get themselves to school every day, often alone, often in the dark - by bus on the main A road and manage cars, rivers, livestock, any number of potential dangers.

I would start thinking about giving them a bit more freedom op.

Yes. I would be. I know my own child best. And am absolutely not a helicopter parent - he is the only one in his class of 60 to walk himself to school so far so I actually trend on the relaxed, independence is good side. But I still check with other parents before assuming what their kids are ready to do on their own.

My daughter was attacked in a local park by an older kid who chased her to the nearby shopping centre. Before my son is left alone in a park I’d want to walk through scenarios with him and make sure he knew what to do in various situations. But perhaps I’m just projecting as we live in the middle of a city.

When dd was 9 I’d have expected to be told but I would be ok with it, considering ot was local and a few of them. That is at the young end around here so other parents would feel similar. She’s 11 now, y6 and building independence up gradually over the year. It’s great to see her confidence increasing. We talk about minor things that have happened while she’s out with friends and how to deal with them, so she’s getting used to problem solving. Some of her friends aren’t allowed out without adults, however, and a couple have said they find it hard to let go, so I can believe that kids are being held back.

Although I agree with much of what you've said, you can't compare your childhood with theirs. It is a very very different world.