To think that the most important thing young people need to learn isn’t academics but emotional intelligence?

Yes, I completely agree. I think as we progress as a society we rightly identify areas in which we could 'do better' and introduce them. I was just curious as to whether the OP thought there was a new and emerging need for this that was absent in previous generations. Which she has confirmed she does, because she believes there are new and more challenging pressures. Its that part I'm not sure I agree with, as i don't really recognise the more straightforward society of yesterday that she describes, but am open minded, and interested in other people's views.

It’s a job for the parents not school.

Why frame these sese of knowledge as more / less important? It's not either/or - they are all important.

I don't see why schools are held responsible for teaching everything children might need - they are only there for part of their daily life (I seem to remember seeing a 20% stat floating around).

Resilience, nuance and pragmatism are essential skills to help navigate through life. But rarely focussed on as desirable.

I don’t think so but it’s better to have a mentally healthy generation, so women who understand why they can’t get away from violent men for example, why people behave as they do, why they behave as they do, where anxious thoughts come from.

schools didn’t previously kids about drugs and coercive control, both those things existed . I didn’t get sex education. Lessons other than it’s a sin, number of girls who collected their gcse results in pregnancy dungarees may have suggested that it would have been a good idea not to demonise sex.

I’ve taught myself it so I think it can be done. It’s just about how your brain works, how humans are programmed, chimp paradox stuff.

As it stands, “Emotional Literacy” is taught to the children deemed to need it most, at least in is in the six or so schools I’ve visited in the past couple of years in my city. As the evidence shows above, it’s not really had a great effect so maybe we need to look more at how these skills are embedded throughout the curriculum rather than teaching them explicitly at the cost of another subject. The reality is that in an ideal world, people would have academic AND emotional literacy, we need both, not one or the other.

Sure, but it's just as unlikely that teachers (who are, after all, also just adults) will have these skills themselves, far less be able to pass them on in the artificial collective setting of the classroom.

I do have both types of intelligence, and think that I'm far better positioned to teach and model for DS the processes of recognising, navigating and managing emotions, DH likewise.

This stuff comes from the home. I mean they do teach about relationships and practical life skills in personal development. But it’s not something that can really be taught. It has to be modelled by people close to the child. A good look at the sorts of parents my dc goes to school with is definitely a sign that emotional intelligence is not being modelled in the home. But we’ve used other people’s poor behaviour and choices as teachable moments and I do talk through how things could have been handled better. Not everyone comes from a stable happy home though and it’s hard to make up for that in school. They aren’t miracle workers.

Do you think lack of emotional intelligence is a new problem? Did people in previous generations have it, and now it's declined so we need to take steps to address it?

Fair point. But it's hard to be in any kind of close relationship with someone who lacks emotional maturity though. This is where real problems tend to arise, unfortunately.

I think I only have so much to say about this because I just finished listening to the audiobook, 'Adult children of emotionally immature parents' 😂

@eleventythree
yes, but I’d rather they have the knowledge they need to do their job properly, than good EI. I can cope with a doctor who is a bit blunt, who is otherwise very professional

In my experience it is often a constant, literally every day, focus in some schools. I don't think it's a coincidence that those kids were the most neurotic. Schools just need to teach stuff and stop dwelling on who's feeling "fizzy" or whatever today or who needs a mindfulness break after doing a few fractions. Honestly it's pathetic. We're raising the wettest generation in history.

But many parents can't teach emotional intelligence to their children because they don't possess it or even have an awareness of it. Plenty of doctors, lawyers and software engineers out there who lack emotional intelligence/maturity, despite having lots of professional skills and responsibilities.

@UniversalTruth @ThePhantomoftheEcobubbleOpera Absolutely, I agree that a class solely dedicated to emotional intelligence and/or lots of focus on self/introspection would not really be beneficial.

Needs to be cultivated over time with guidance from adults who are self aware and self reflective. Ensuring that children have opportunities to see the "bigger picture" by helping/serving others can be really helpful too.

YABU
My DS is training to be a Civil Engineer. Academics is way more important than EI. I’ve taught him EI myself, but I couldn’t have taught him the complex mathematical calculations he needs for his course.
The same with doctors, lawyers, software engineers etc, etc.

I don't think good mental health is achieved by focussing on your emotions and endless introspection. I don't think it can be achieved at school at all. Far better to have good routines and a stable home life - and obviously, that's beyond the remit of a school child who has no choice but to endure the slipstream of their parent's decisions.

I agree with this. I watched a Ted talk recently, from over 10 years ago, where the speaker said that school systems are universally designed by university professors to create more university professors. Schools ignore any need to move your body, or that some people will not become university professors. A new way is needed, but I don't think a class called "emotional intelligence" is that way.

We need to teach critical thinking.

In our post-truth, algorithm-led world, the ability to think rationally and sift arguments is an essential life skill but sadly uncommon.

Many adults don't have these skills so cannot teach them to their children.

Yes and emotional intelligence/wellbeing is also intertwined with subjects like art, music, languages, literature... which are often seen as "less than" compared to STEM.

Yet, the most recent research says that schools universally teaching this are causing problems.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2025/may/20/mental-health-lessons-school-dont-work-mindfulness?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

Totally agree OP was just thinking about this today

I think the more personal development things fall under the parents remit, not the school.