Husband abroad for 2 nights when I will be 36 weeks pregnant

If his golf,socialising and work is more important to him at this stage of the pregnancy I would assume this is what his priorities are going to be going forward

What would you have him do? Sit waiting, putting life on hold for a baby that might not appear for another 6 weeks.

“My second so the baby will fly out”

erm no that does not happen.

the fact this is your second baby I think you’re being quite needy to stop him from his trip:
sounde like your jealous he’s going and using this as an excuse

I suppose its because i count having a baby as being a life changing and significant and highly anticipated event.
And I'm old fashioned enough to think it should be such for the father as well as the mother.

And I would expect a loving husband to be concerned for the welfare of his partner and be anxious to be there for her and the new baby in the last stages of pregnancy and for the forthcoming birth.

If his golf,socialising and work is more important to him at this stage of the pregnancy I would assume this is what his priorities are going to be going forward

I really wouldn’t be worried about this at all, I’m pregnant with my second and wouldn’t be concerned. Second babies can be born faster but that usually means you have a SHORTER labour, not an earlier labour, unless you have other complications during pregnancy there is nothing to suggest they would come 4 weeks earlier just because they are your second baby.

It’s quite unlikely that you will go into labour, but it’s very likely that you will worry about it and be knackered looking after a 2 1/2 year-old. Plus, presuming your Mum is putting herself out too - I’m sure your Mum doesn’t mind, but the fact she’s staying with you is because it’s probably not a good idea for you to be on your own and that’s why he should be there if he can be.

I expect he won’t remember why this trip was important in a couple of years time, but you’ll probably remember that he let you down unnecessarily.

Statistically its unlikely.
My second labour was longer than my first.

DH wasn't there when my second was born. DD1 was with a neighbour, DM was with me (she was born at home so DD1 was home an hour later). DH was on a work trip... but he was Army so it wasn't a jolly rather 7 months of hell. I knew my whole pregnancy it was likely to be like that. The labour itself wasn't really an issue... but the weeks leading up were hard work. I had to go to hospital a couple of times, I had daily midwife visits... the only real rest I got was the two mornings DD1 was in nursery.

It will probably be fine. But he has to make sure you get lots of rest before and after!

(A bit of an old wives tale I heard a lot was that babies come when Mum is ready mentally. Didnt work out for me but she did come at 40 weeks. She needed to hang on to 41+3 for DH to make it!)

But it's not 2 nights- or 48 hours.

@Motherof1and2dogs said in the first post "So he is going Portugal for 2 nights and in the airport hotel for 1 night, he will be leaving Tuesday morning next week and then arriving home Friday evening."

It's 3 nights, and nearly 4 days. Something like 85 hours.That makes for a long week when you have a toddler.

Hope everything is fine for you! ❤

I wouldnt like this, as someone who gave birth prematurely and very unexpectedly... and quickly once it started! I felt exhausted at the end too - not that I made it to 36 weeks!

@Motherof1and2dogs

Chances are, you'll be fine, but it's a bit of a dick move on his part - not least, leaving you to parent an active toddler when you're that pregnant!

You’ll get lots of ladies saying it didn’t bother them, but it isn’t about them it’s about you. Later stages of pregnancy with a younger child are exhausting- a whole different ball game than having yourself to worry about. You’re anxious about him being away, and imo he should recognise that and have some kindness towards you.

My DH would not of gone to a different country when I was pregnant. When I was 37 weeks he went somewhere on his bike with no phone signal, he came home.

It's selfish since this is a recreational trip. My DH travelled a lot for work, and he never went after the 36 week mark, because you just never know. If it absolutely had to happen for work, since you have your mother for back up, then sure. Not to play golf.

36 weeks is likely fine but the fact is you will be heavily pregnant with a toddler why would he choose to leave you alone to cope? I could understand if it was an important work trip or a funeral/wedding but this just sounds like a jolly.

That’s pretty harsh. I don’t think I’d have batted an eyelid at my husband going away for 2 nights at 36 weeks - sensible to take advantage of the opportunity given he won’t be able to again for a while?! I certainly wouldn’t have let anyone label him selfish and uncaring…it’s highly unlikely a baby will be born at that gestation.

But you have your mum there ? it will be totally fine. Don't worry..

I had my second child at 36w with about two hour’s notice. I was mentally prepared to do it alone in case nobody could arrive in time to look after my first child, but I would have been very unhappy to have been passed over for a voluntary trip of golf an socialising.

I think this is fine OP, baby unlikely to come at 36 weeks.

Better he’s off doing this kind of stuff pre baby arrival than post baby arrival.

It’s unlikely that your baby will come that early if you have had an uncomplicated pregnancy. However it might be a good idea, practically as well as soothing your anxiety, if you have a plan in place for going into labour whilst your husband is away.

Your mum will look after your dc, is there another close friend or relative that can be on standby as a birth partner for that 48 hours? Just knowing that there is someone else you could count on for support will make you feel better, even if they are never used.

Also your DH has to agree to keep his phone on loud and check it regularly.

It will be fine.

DD came last year at 36+2 with zero warning and was born a few hours later, so I can see why you’re wary. If he’s okay with potentially risking it, that’s on him I guess. I think I’d feel a bit upset if this trip wasn’t mandatory.

I think you should take a deep breath and stop worrying about something that is incredibly unlikely.

Your baby could be 6 weeks away at this point. Given no medical indications of early labour, I wouldn’t worry. You have your mum with you too. Do put your feet up for a few days, potter quietly around the house and try to relax.

36 weeks is pretty early.I think it's fine - I was still at work at 36 weeks. He should be around from 38 weeks in my view.

I had this. My husband had a conference he’d been looking forward to for a long time. Important for his work and didn’t happen every year. It was in Switzerland and on my due date. My first baby was late. I encouraged him to go, knowing that he could fly back quickly if needed. Baby arrived several days after his return.

I’ve just done a google. Only 4.6% of babies come by 36 weeks - a tiny amount. And then you have to consider the baby would have to arrive early on the specific days yoyr husband is away, which takes the likelihood down even further to vanishingly small. I know you’ll be tired, looking after your toddler, but I’d let him go with a happy heart. You have support in place to look after your existing child should you need it and he’ll only be in Portugal, not Timbuktu. Perhaps he could look at earlier flight times home and some cabs to get to the airport just in case you go into an extraordinarily early labour to give you some reassurance on how quickly he can get to you. Sorry to say, I think you’re being overly anxious.

It really wouldn’t have bothered me. You’ll only be 36 weeks, it’s not that far away with numerous flight options, it’s only a few days and you have your mother close enough for childcare.

It's a gamble, and tbh seems selfish of him. I had a work trip to Poland when DD3 was due... very much NOT a jolly... DP (now ex) was 32 weeks gone, and pretty much had to force me to go 😀 She had 2 sisters v. local, so lots of support.