Husband abroad for 2 nights when I will be 36 weeks pregnant

My husband was invited on a stag do which would have been when I was 36 weeks pregnant. My husband immediately declined because he didn’t want to take any chances or leave me on my own heavily pregnant.

Yes it’s very unlikely that you’ll go into labour while he’s away. But it’s also unacceptable that your husband has chosen to go on this trip so close to the due date and leaving you with a toddler, especially given you told him you weren’t happy about it.

Is he generally selfish, OP? Is he a good dad?

I'd be more annoyed that I told my husband I wasnt comfortable with it and he ignored me. I'd at least expect him to talk it over with me and try and get in the same page.

At 36 weeks I would be fine with it. But I also have a history of going overdue and having long labours so I expect it wouldn't happen and if it did he could get back in time if I did go into labour. I think if I had a history of early and quick labours I'd be more inclined to think 36 weeks was a bit too close to due date but even then it's very unlikely.

My neice's first baby arrived at 36 weeks, her waters just broke, so it does happen.

Having said that, I went in for an induction for my 2nd at 41 weeks, was given a nice story about how it could take up to a week for baby to be born, so I sent my birth partner home and baby was born in all of 2 hours and I was alone!

I must say I didn't have time to miss anyone or notice a thing as I was in the worst pain ever. I do remember a midwife vaguely saying, isn't anyone coming?

When I gave birth I sent pics of baby
Everyone was so shocked.
I loved it 😂
The labour started as soon as I had the pessary inserted, like zero pain and contractions to 💯 End stage!
I had a strong reaction to the pessary I guess.

I think there’s a middle ground between unnecessary abroad trip to play golf and schmooze and ‘putting your life on hold.’

It’s frustrating that OP has to figure this out. DH is the one who is choosing to go on the trip, he should be the one to figure out the logistics of plan B. I’m also curious to know if he arranged for her mother to come or if OP had to figure that out too.

OP is going to be worn out by the time he gets home and she goes into labour, all because he wanted to go golfing to schmooze. It’s not likely to help him proceed at work even. Many business people would find it off putting to know that this guy has left his very pregnant wife and child alone to go on a leisure trip that really only has a nominal work component so they can expense it. In my field, that certainly would not be seen as a positive.

My DH was sent to Canada for 3 days by his work when I was 39 weeks pregnant with my second. First one was late.
It was fine. She was born at 40+3.
My mum was 2 hours away so I didn't have that possibility either, but had a friend who offered to have my eldest if needed.
You would be very unlucky for the baby to come so early, and your mum will help. Im sure you will be fine. You need to get the anxiety under control by having a plan if the worst should happen so you are prepared, but then tell yourself how unlikely it is that you will even need it.

Unfortunately many people do need to travel for work, the good news is most babies come after 37 weeks. My ex not only traveled to a “conference” think lots of skiing, drinking and socialising and a few talks to make it seem like work when I was heavily pregnant with a 2 year old but again when dd2 was 10 days old, no family on same continent. We women cope with a lot when the time comes

My DH was away for work Monday to Friday at the same stage for my first pg. We had a plan for what would happen in the extremely unlikely event of an early labour. Which of course we didn't need. I think you'll be fine. Although if it had been a social thing I might have felt differently.

My first was born at 36 weeks, but then second was 38 and third was 39+5. The chances are you won't give birth but there's still a chance you could, so he really should have just stayed home.

My husband when on a stag do when I was 37 weeks with our first, I was a little bit concerned but she didn't come. Even if she had it took her 50 hours to get here so he would have been fine :-D

He didn't go on his brothers stag do which was when I was 40 weeks though which was a good thing as she started to come at 40 + 2.

It's a risk but I'd probably let him until 37 weeks.

Mine was camping in a field 350 miles away the week before DD was due doing the Great North Run. No signal. Parents were 5000 miles away.

Didn’t have a toddler though, and had a strong hunch she was going to be late (which she was).

Fair enough.
I did make assumptions based on my own experiences and your very breezy response to OP's concerns.
I didn't intend to cause offence.
However I totally stand by my views on a lot men still feeling they are entitled to go off and enjoy themselves instead of recognising their role in parenting.

Posters saying you were or would be fine with this: people are different and OP is not fine with it and asked her H not to go.

I went away in week 38, we discussed it at length, but all was OK.

Maybe my response was reacting to your charming comment I take it you haven't suffered pregnancy complications or neo natal death as some of us have. Otherwise you wouldn't be so blasé about the woman taking on all the responsibility of child birth whilst the man goes and " has fun" have a think about why someone might respond in the way I did, which was purely to point out that that was a really unpleasant thing to say given you don’t know mine or anyone else’s history.

Not everyone who has experienced tragedy, loss or injury feels the need to keep their partner close at 36 weeks. That’s not because they endured less or experienced less trauma, and not everyone wants to share their own tragedy as a response to if they’d worry about their husband spending a weekend in Portugal.

In all honesty I felt massively offended by your original response to my post saying I wouldn’t worry about it. I’ll live.

In light of your mental health, late stage of pregnancy, not having anyone else you’d like and who is available to be with you during the birth and preference for him not to go, he’s very unreasonable for going on a primarily social/networking trip overseas IMO.

AI cites study that around 2.8% of 2nd babies are between 32 and 36 weeks, and the lowest quartile for 2nd babies is 36 weeks - ie not uncommon.

My DC2 arrived at 36 weeks Pregnancy had been fine, the birth was not and DH supported and advocated for me.

I wouldn't like it but at least you have your Mum there and you are unlikely to go into labour.

My DS was born 9 weeks early with no signs until 24 hours before, many women in NICU in the same situation. My other DS was born full term.

Of course it's a risk but one only both of you can make liklihood is you'll be fine .

I don't know why you feel the need to be so offensive.
I have a different opinion from you - which I have every right to express - but that doesn't warrant you swearing at me.

I think 36 weeks should be fine but I can understand why you are concerned . My DH went on a business trip to Hong Kong at 36 weeks for my first . I naively was not concerned as everyone tells you first babies are late. I went into labour two days after he came back at 37 weeks . I still can’t believe how close to missing the birth my DH was and I have no idea what I would have done as have no close family near by

Sorry but I have no idea what ODFO means! Please explain.

I don't understand why you think the woman's role is still to stay at home
bearing children and looking after them by herself while her husband enjoys himself playing golf and drinking and enjoying himself with his friends and colleagues on a mini break in the sun.

It takes a certain kind of man who happily goes off and leaves his heavily pregnant wife looking after his small child while he goes off and enjoys himself with no concerns about his wife's happiness or welfare.

Yeah, that sounds really tough and never going to pretend to know how it feels or how it would impact my comfort levels in this situation! With us, I know that my DH knows EXACTLY how lucky he is that I’m happy for him to go to the gigs, and I’m pushing him to do so. Not because I’ve told him he’s lucky (I haven’t, obviously) but because he’s genuinely blown away that I still want him to go. I have to admit, it doesn’t sound like OP’s other half appreciates what she’s going to go through while he’s gone.

Maybe not, and I’ll try my hardest not to make this sound like a competition.

Something I’ve found being pregnant with a toddler vs without (when I was also doing home renos with no kitchen/bathroom and working full time in a demanding job) is that with a toddler it’s physically exhausting and you cannot opt out of any of it! If you don’t feel up to getting up in the night, or if you’re too exhausted to change another nappy on a toddler who won’t stay still whilst you do it, or make another meal and clean up all the mess afterwards, or do another bedtime with a toddler that won’t go to bed then have to tidy up toys and put a wash on, then it’s tough because it has to be done.