To think jist feeling this rubbish is mum life reality?

I’m on MAT leave with DD2 and honestly this is so minor, but I cut my hair shorter when it shed really badly and it’s been life changing. Feel so much more put together, takes 2 mins to wash, dries quick and takes a minute to straighten. I did have super long thick hair though so depends if you’re similar.

Also the more I force myself to exercise the more energised and proactive I feel so if you could squeeze some other form of work out in that would probably help! It’s expensive but David Lloyd membership has really helped us out as it has a creche option.

I know you probably mean well but I don’t think OP getting her colours done is going to improve her quality of life right now.

I’m sorry, I know it’s hard work but there is absolutely no excuse for not having clean hair. I assume you do shower? It add like 2/3 minutes just do it! I always worked full time , I do get it. But you just have to DO IT| then stuff gets done, really the only thing stopping you from feeling better about yourself is you. And I do mean this kindly , I really do. Maybe order hello fresh or the like ( because deciding what to eat is a bitch) and I exercise with my walking pad under my desk, so maybe try that when working in the evenings? Re tidy home, how does it get so messy when no one is there in the day if you tidy every weekend?

its So difficult and I also had a disabled child thrown into the mix and no parents close by. Also a husband who couldn’t help due to work commitments long hours and being a lot crap at household stuff 😩 ..
i love the idea of therapists coming to you🥳 I’d have that of an evening .. massage / hair / nails 💅 -and also a nicely bit of girly chat. Could you cook a whole chicken / piece of beef/ gammon and have with new potatoes/ bags of salad during the week . Definitely someone in to clean tidy & do the ironing ( if not the whole laundry) . Try and get out for walks local to where you live with funny / inspiring podcasts .. no need to drive anywhere / pay for membership you can’t use. But most of all enjoy your children as it’s over too soon

Very young children things are tricky

why don’t You feed yourself what you feed the children ?

I think sometimes with very young children it can frequently feel as if you’re drowning while your partner impassively watches you from the lifeboat. They aren’t - but it can feel that way.

All of the last three years I’ve felt like this. I’ve felt like I’ve been just bobbing above the surface, all my energy spent on just surviving. It’s only now I’m coming through the fog a bit. I know a lot of MNetters reckon that toddlers are the easy bit and teens are worse but I don’t agree.

That’s really not helpful. Of course she can do it, it’s a stage and it will pass.

Oh op, so your sleep is broken because of little ones otherwise you would sleep yep,
Could you and h discuss doing night each so at least one of you get to sleep through, i know it's not great but while there teething might work better, spare room for person to sleep, I know but otherwise your both woken, magnesium salts in bath before bed helps with sleeping but your being woken unfortunately, sorry am not helping here,

But teething I found Asthon & parsons teething powders were great for mine over night,

Just a couple of tips:

1. Could you get a haircut so that washing and drying your hair doesn't take as long? I'm trying to say this kindly, but your hair cannot look or smell good on Day 6 without a wash, and looking professional is very important in your role.

2. Rather than relying on junk food or takeaways, could you instead switch to easy-to-prepare 'comfort foods'? Eggs are great for this- e.g. omelettes, scrambled eggs on toast- and it will be much lower calorie and more nutritious. If you're struggling to get your 5 a day in, snack on fruit and veg which requires no preparation whatsoever- apples, bananas, pears, even whole carrots dipped in houmous.

@miniworrybasically I had to do that. I stepped down so I could become part time. Absolutely my choice (not DH) and at the time it was a real stretch for us financially). It was a very very hard decision to make not once I returned to work I settled very quickly. I have never once regretted it and at early 40s I know I can step up again if and when I chose to in the future. Not saying this is what you should do BTW, Just telling you what helped our family get some balance during the hectic younger years.

It's so easy to get stuck in a rut when you've got young children, it's brutal. I only managed to go to the gym in my lunch break because it was next door to my work, not so easy when you're a headteacher I guess. It took me years to be able to exercise in the evening or in the morning, there was never enough time, nor energy. I've got no solutions, just sympathy.

I would like to hear more about your systems please! They sound like what I need…

Senior role in education here and three of five and under. Apart from a fabulous cleaner (and respect to the pp who has found a way to outsource the school run) the thing that saved me is giving up on fancy meals. I figure they are at least offered warm food at school. At home we go to the market on a Saturday morning and they eat mango, blueberries and banana by the fistful. Sweetcorn in the husk is always popular too.

My theory is that kids are basically fruitbats. Throw a yogurt in after school and the odd shredded wheat and meal times/clean up are one thing you can take off the list.

I would suggest to your DH that he cuts his working hours or looks for a new job that is less demanding so he can do his share at home. You are the breadwinner but it also sounds as if you are shouldering more of the domestic and childcare load than he is.

God, loads.
Curries, chillis, bolognese, soups even.
Make loads of different pasta sauces - the best one to start with is making a really good tomato sauce that you can freeze in batches. Loads of recipes online. Reheat in the microwave, chuck some pasta and grated cheddar (and cherry tomatoes and basil if you’re feeling enthusiastic) and voila.
i make basil pesto as well, freeze in little pods, defrost when needed. Add chopped broccoli and olives and pasta and boom, delicious.

to be honest though you can simplify the process further if you can’t be arsed to batch cook. Get a (frozen) chicken breast or pork loin, douse with soy sauce and Worcestershire sauce, leave in the fridge for a few hours (while at work), grill or bake when you come home.
I buy reduced sticker bags of potato’s, cut up some of them into fries, put oil and paprika with them, bake them and serve with the meat. Serve with peas or broccoli. Takes very little effort and time really.

I'll give one pro tip that has been great
I find cooking and cleaning sort of ok but thinking of meals that suit all 5 of us is a total drag. A month ago I spent about 30 minutes teaching chT gpt what we liked and didn't like and got it to do a 4 week meal plan. I don't cater too much to picky eayers but things like - child A likes carrots, peas, broccoli, child B likes salad, etc. With a bit of tweaking it made me a banging meal plan. I also ask it do write a list which I do to plan my online food shop. Wow, it's been fabulous Nd meant I haven't had to think 'wtf is for dinner" for a month now!

Also. If your husband's job is high effort relatively low pay it doesn't sound like it's a good value equation for your family. He could eg go part time and not see much of an impact on the family finances. But could make a huge impact on the family wellbeing including yours. Time for a convo about what sort of value you need him to add?

Start planning for yourself as much as you do for everyone else. Don't let yourself get squeezed out the priority pile. If you can fit in a morning exercise class or nail appt on the weekend while DH handles the morning for example you'll feel so much better for it. I get the sense you are an incredible manager of other people's time and schedules so apply this skill to your own needs too.

Cleaner every week and look into a meal kit like Gousto for grown up meals, it really helps avoid the takeaway trap and because of that does save money I think vs the realistic alternatives (not the fantasy alternative of careful meal planning). You can pick meals that can be made in a short space of time.

I’m kind of in the same boat with a 3.5 and 2 year old. It’s just in the last couple of months getting easier.
i look like shit. My hair looks like shit. My clothes are shit. One thing I do do though is batch cook like a pro - toddler meals, mine and dp meals, so mealtime is normally chucking something in the microwave and cooking something like rice or pasta to go with it.
as for my appearance? Well that will have to do for now

Women CAN have everything but only in the same way that men can... With help. Outsource the hell out of your life. It doesn't mean you are failing.

I think it sounds within the realms of normal thought on the more exhausted scale. I work four days a week, two kids similar ages to yours.Youngest doesn’t sleep so constantly very sleep deprived still. I don’t get my nails done any more and a hair cut is a rarity, but I do manage to exercise a few times a week (I got out when they’re in bed) as I find it energises me. We have a cleaner one a week so make an effort to tidy the house properly at least once a week before she comes. I completely get craving the junk food though or just quick food, I do too. I think it’s a vicious cycle. I find having hello fresh helps.

So you make the most money and you do most of the childcare, most of the housework, most of the mental load… your problem is clear, whether you want to accept that or not.