Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Manager asking me to attend a meeting tomorrow when I’m not working tomorrow

110 replies

PondAndSea · 08/06/2025 22:05

I’m a kinship foster carer to 2 family members children.

I also work full time. A few weeks ago I told my manager that I won’t be working tomorrow (9th June) as I’m attending our local fostering service conference (arranged by the council that I foster under). Work never officially agreed to me having the day off for the fostering conference but they never said no either, I basically just told them I wasn’t working that day because I was attending the fostering conference which is important and work or my manager never actually said yes to it but they didn’t say no either.

Today my manager has rang me up asking me to attend a meeting tomorrow morning and then has got very annoyed with me when I reminded him that I wasn’t working tomorrow because I’m at the fostering conference. He’s known for weeks that I’m attending the fostering conference tomorrow so won’t be working that day, and it’s only one day and I never have any time off (except annual leave. But I’ve never been off sick or anything).

My manager is now very annoyed that I won’t be at the meeting tomorrow that he wants me to attend.

AIBU to think he shouldn’t be annoyed at me over this?

There’s not a lot that I can do though as I need to attend the fostering conference and it’s only one day! He also knows that I will catch up on any work missed tomorrow as well.

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 08/06/2025 22:22

What’s the conference ? Why do you have to go?

I would also be pissed off it was organised with 3 weeks notice, on the expectation I would be free. If it’s essential I attend, I would expect someone to check

I always put my Leave into my managers calendar (as well as onto the Leave system), so she can easily see it.

Original poster
PondAndSea · 08/06/2025 22:22

GoodVibesHere · 08/06/2025 22:17

It is nothing like jury service, it is something the OP has chosen to do.

You can't just take a day off work whenever you want OP, don't be daft!!

Show quote history

I do need to attend the fostering conference though!

OP posts:
Original poster
PondAndSea · 08/06/2025 22:21

minnienono · 08/06/2025 22:20

Unfortunately if the policy is 2 months for annual leave you need to ensure you get more notice in the future, make sure your social worker is aware. Too late now but it’s not your employer’s responsibility to give you time off for this as it’s personal, the draconian annual leave policy is the issue (which I’m guessing isn’t fine to your boss)

How could I get more notice when they didn’t know the date of the conference until 3 weeks before though?

OP posts:
ScurryfungeSpuddle · 08/06/2025 22:21

PondAndSea · 08/06/2025 22:20

He did reply to my email, I emailed him and told him as soon as I found out about the fostering conference. He never said yes or no to it. He literally just replied to my email with “ok” and that was it!

Show quote history

So you needed to chase it up.

GoodVibesHere · 08/06/2025 22:20

nam3c4ang3 · 08/06/2025 22:18

It’s either annual leave or not OP. You can’t just have a ‘free day off work’ - that’s not how it works surely you know this. What did you expect? Just to have the day off but it not be annual leave?

Exactly! Can you imagine the chaos if people just took a day off work when they had to attend something. OP is being quite cheeky trying to take time off but not using leave.

Original poster
PondAndSea · 08/06/2025 22:20

AlexisP90 · 08/06/2025 22:18

Yeah agree. Sorry OP this is on you I think. You should have chased via email for confirmation and not just assumed.

Your manager could have easily forgotten if it didn't go through the usual process.

Show quote history

He did reply to my email, I emailed him and told him as soon as I found out about the fostering conference. He never said yes or no to it. He literally just replied to my email with “ok” and that was it!

OP posts:
minnienono · 08/06/2025 22:20

Unfortunately if the policy is 2 months for annual leave you need to ensure you get more notice in the future, make sure your social worker is aware. Too late now but it’s not your employer’s responsibility to give you time off for this as it’s personal, the draconian annual leave policy is the issue (which I’m guessing isn’t fine to your boss)

familyissues12345 · 08/06/2025 22:20

Your boss rang you on a non work day? Why did he call you to attend a meeting if he was expecting you to be in work anyway?

ScurryfungeSpuddle · 08/06/2025 22:19

PondAndSea · 08/06/2025 22:16

He’s definitely not going to sack me for it

Show quote history

Ok so you've acted unprofessionally but it's not the end of the world.

If it happens again, just make sure you chase the formal email request so you both know where you stand.

I'm sure if you were booking a day's holiday you'd make sure it had been approved?

IkeaJesusChrist · 08/06/2025 22:19

You've fucked up here and should have got confirmation that you can have the day off.

nam3c4ang3 · 08/06/2025 22:18

It’s either annual leave or not OP. You can’t just have a ‘free day off work’ - that’s not how it works surely you know this. What did you expect? Just to have the day off but it not be annual leave?

AlexisP90 · 08/06/2025 22:18

ScurryfungeSpuddle · 08/06/2025 22:14

Was it not your responsibility to chase up your email requesting time off tomorrow?

Yeah agree. Sorry OP this is on you I think. You should have chased via email for confirmation and not just assumed.

Your manager could have easily forgotten if it didn't go through the usual process.

GoodVibesHere · 08/06/2025 22:17

Rumplestiltz · 08/06/2025 22:12

But isn’t not holiday leave. It’s a fostering conference. It’s probably on a par with jury service. It’s a public service that a work place should support. Also why are they phoning you anyway on a Sunday?

It is nothing like jury service, it is something the OP has chosen to do.

You can't just take a day off work whenever you want OP, don't be daft!!

Pippa12 · 08/06/2025 22:17

Unfortunately I don’t think you have a leg to stand on. If the conference was so important you should have chased up permission to attend.

Original poster
PondAndSea · 08/06/2025 22:16

legoplaybook · 08/06/2025 22:15

He's annoyed but is he actually going to sack you over it?

You're replaceable at work but not at home - so family always comes first.

He’s definitely not going to sack me for it

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 08/06/2025 22:16

PondAndSea · 08/06/2025 22:12

My manager already knew about the fostering conference and he knew that I wouldn’t be working that day. He never said no to me attending the conference.

Show quote history

Yes, but crucially he also didn't say yes and log it into the system. This is why you find yourself in this situation.

FortyElephants · 08/06/2025 22:16

If you weren't able to book annual leave and you didn't get agreement for the day off in writing (presumably to make back the hours later) then you shouldn't have assumed you can go. Can you join the meeting via teams from a quiet room at the conference? Or your car?

popdepop · 08/06/2025 22:16

So your manager did not say yes or no. You should have got confirmation either way, that's your responsibility. 2 months seems very unreasonable for notice for annual leave

legoplaybook · 08/06/2025 22:15

He's annoyed but is he actually going to sack you over it?

You're replaceable at work but not at home - so family always comes first.

Aligirlbear · 08/06/2025 22:15

Did you put in a request for the day in line with the company policy for absence ? Just telling them doesn’t give you an automatic right to take the time and they are not obliged to give you a formal decline if you didn’t request it in line with policy. If you haven’t then your boss has a right to be annoyed and HR could make this unpaid leave / consider it a disciplinary if they decided to follow policy to the letter. That said many companies give time for matters relating to fostering and ultimately might be within policy. A take away for you in future is to make sure you put a formal request so you get formal acknowledgement and then there can be no misunderstanding or confusion on either side.

ScurryfungeSpuddle · 08/06/2025 22:14

Was it not your responsibility to chase up your email requesting time off tomorrow?

PoliteSpud · 08/06/2025 22:14

PondAndSea · 08/06/2025 22:13

I’m not sure what else I can do though because I need to attend the fostering conference and can’t not attend it!

Um - you do understand you are contracted for work?

Not surprised they are pissed off with you.

laclochette · 08/06/2025 22:13

Do you have agreed permission in writing that you have this day off? If not then I think it's hard to defend your position. I also think if your fostering means things like this come up at less than 2 months notice you need to make a plan with your manager as to how you'll work around the system as it's probably just a manual workaround you need to organize...in advance.

PoliteSpud · 08/06/2025 22:13

Either you are on annual leave or you are working?

Original poster
PondAndSea · 08/06/2025 22:13

I’m not sure what else I can do though because I need to attend the fostering conference and can’t not attend it!

OP posts: