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AIBU?

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Original poster

Manager asking me to attend a meeting tomorrow when I’m not working tomorrow

110 replies

PondAndSea · 08/06/2025 22:05

I’m a kinship foster carer to 2 family members children.

I also work full time. A few weeks ago I told my manager that I won’t be working tomorrow (9th June) as I’m attending our local fostering service conference (arranged by the council that I foster under). Work never officially agreed to me having the day off for the fostering conference but they never said no either, I basically just told them I wasn’t working that day because I was attending the fostering conference which is important and work or my manager never actually said yes to it but they didn’t say no either.

Today my manager has rang me up asking me to attend a meeting tomorrow morning and then has got very annoyed with me when I reminded him that I wasn’t working tomorrow because I’m at the fostering conference. He’s known for weeks that I’m attending the fostering conference tomorrow so won’t be working that day, and it’s only one day and I never have any time off (except annual leave. But I’ve never been off sick or anything).

My manager is now very annoyed that I won’t be at the meeting tomorrow that he wants me to attend.

AIBU to think he shouldn’t be annoyed at me over this?

There’s not a lot that I can do though as I need to attend the fostering conference and it’s only one day! He also knows that I will catch up on any work missed tomorrow as well.

OP posts:
Catpuss66 · 08/06/2025 22:33

PondAndSea · 08/06/2025 22:23

I did and he never replied after his initial reply just saying “ok”!

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That’s confirmation in my book & you have in writing.

holamuchgusto · 08/06/2025 22:33

It's your responsibility to ensure it you checked with your manager, do you want me to take annual or how would you like me to manage it? Once confirmed you then send out a Teams invite to let everyone know you are off that day. Your manager most likely gets hundreds of emails a day and probably can't remember all of them!
Your approach is a little off really, telling your manager you won't be in! No wonder they just said okay. I know it's essential, but you could have said I'm very sorry for the short notice but there is a fostering conference day in three weeks, as you know I'm a kinship fosterer therefore I am expected to attend. Would you mind if I took the day off.... Just sounds a bit nicer. For future reference.

SleepyHollowed84 · 08/06/2025 22:32

I think you need to take this as a lesson learned and next time try a bit harder to formally take it as AL (despite the short notice) if it’s something you absolutely have to attend.

I’m surprised with such seemingly rigid processes in place around AL that you thought you could just take an extra random day off.

olympicsrock · 08/06/2025 22:31

You are out of order here. You are being paid to work. Either you take leave or you work.

You should have ‘asked’ not told your boss that you WANTED to take short notice leave. I think this would count as highly desirable but not mandatory for you to attend.

dustygrey · 08/06/2025 22:31

PondAndSea · 08/06/2025 22:26

I do need to attend it.

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Why do you need to attend?
It's a conference, not training, and just "i need to attend" doesn't explain the need

FallingArrow · 08/06/2025 22:30

PondAndSea · 08/06/2025 22:20

He did reply to my email, I emailed him and told him as soon as I found out about the fostering conference. He never said yes or no to it. He literally just replied to my email with “ok” and that was it!

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OK is agreement to it, that's the same as saying yes.

springbl0ssoms · 08/06/2025 22:29

I would have taken "ok" to mean that it's fine for you to take the day off. But I'd have clarified how it would work if it couldn't be taken as annual leave. Are you still expecting to be paid for tomorrow? You say you'll catch up with the work but presumably you are contracted to work a certain number of hours so will you actually make up this time somehow?

AlexisP90 · 08/06/2025 22:28

Right so he did say OK in an email?

Regardless, since it hasn't gone through the proper process you should have added it into his calendar (and yours, and your teams) because people forget

IkeaJesusChrist · 08/06/2025 22:28

PondAndSea · 08/06/2025 22:26

I do need to attend it.

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Unless it specifically concerns the children that you foster, why do you?

Farkinhell · 08/06/2025 22:28

NuffSaidSam · 08/06/2025 22:26

I think 'ok' is functionally the same as 'yes' in this circumstance.

For next time, send him a reminder email the week before as well.

I agree with this. Ok is an affirmative.

GRex · 08/06/2025 22:27

Ok is acceptance; although blocking calendars and checking annual leave is updated might be expected, you got an OK. Sometimes leave is inconvenient. I'd see if there is any pre- work, partial dial- in or follow-up that you can do to support in some way.

ScurryfungeSpuddle · 08/06/2025 22:27

PondAndSea · 08/06/2025 22:23

I did and he never replied after his initial reply just saying “ok”!

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This is all a bit of a drip feed now.

If you asked formally via email, he said 'ok', then you chased it up but never got a reply, I don't know what you want from this thread really?

You said in your OP Work never officially agreed to me having the day off for the fostering conference.

So it would've required an urgent conversation, even if you had to copy in HR or his line manager.

He's failed to give an answer but you've failed to demand one.

Fair enough you shouldn't have to, but that was the situation you were in.

"Hi Dave, sorry but I really need a yes or no answer to this as the conference is next week".

Imadesomething · 08/06/2025 22:26

Can't you take it as emergency parental leave? I have no idea of the rules but this would be sensible.

Original poster
PondAndSea · 08/06/2025 22:26

IkeaJesusChrist · 08/06/2025 22:23

You don't need to attend the conference at all.

I do need to attend it.

OP posts:
Dangermoo · 08/06/2025 22:26

PondAndSea · 08/06/2025 22:25

I did email him and I chased it up too and he never said no? He simply just said “ok”!

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Do you think he's done this deliberately?

ExtraOnions · 08/06/2025 22:26

PondAndSea · 08/06/2025 22:24

It’s a fostering service conference by the council that I foster with, the council/fostering service are running the conference.

I understand that, but why is it essential you go ? What’s being discussed, is is specifically about the children you care for ? Is it anything that can’t be covered in an email ?

NuffSaidSam · 08/06/2025 22:26

I think 'ok' is functionally the same as 'yes' in this circumstance.

For next time, send him a reminder email the week before as well.

Original poster
PondAndSea · 08/06/2025 22:25

popdepop · 08/06/2025 22:24

OP, its your responsibility, if you were unsure you should have spoken to your manager, not relied on email.

I did email him and I chased it up too and he never said no? He simply just said “ok”!

OP posts:
SociableAtWork · 08/06/2025 22:24

PondAndSea · 08/06/2025 22:20

He did reply to my email, I emailed him and told him as soon as I found out about the fostering conference. He never said yes or no to it. He literally just replied to my email with “ok” and that was it!

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I’d have taken that as a yes, otherwise he’d have replied that it’s “not ok”.

Missing the point, but are his replies always so curt (or downright rude)?

Original poster
PondAndSea · 08/06/2025 22:24

It’s a fostering service conference by the council that I foster with, the council/fostering service are running the conference.

OP posts:
popdepop · 08/06/2025 22:24

OP, its your responsibility, if you were unsure you should have spoken to your manager, not relied on email.

Dangermoo · 08/06/2025 22:24

Twp months notice to put in for AL. I know it depends on the job, but I couldn't work like that.

rhrni · 08/06/2025 22:24

I wouldn’t worry about it. You did tell him and he responded with ‘ok’. If he’d never responded at all then I would say you were in the wrong, but he did acknowledge it and had the opportunity to say no.

The meeting can continue without you there & he will have to get over it. Not your problem.

IkeaJesusChrist · 08/06/2025 22:23

You don't need to attend the conference at all.

Original poster
PondAndSea · 08/06/2025 22:23

ScurryfungeSpuddle · 08/06/2025 22:21

So you needed to chase it up.

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I did and he never replied after his initial reply just saying “ok”!

OP posts: