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Original poster

For expecting husband to want to do sports with son

191 replies

the7Vabo · 08/06/2025 20:51

Having a moment here.

DH & I have a DS (7) and a younger DD. DS hasn’t shown a major aptitude for sports. However, in 7 years DH has almost never played any kind of game with him. I’d like DS to be able to play football well enough to socialise. I think it’s almost like a social skill for boys. I don’t care if he’s not great, but I’d like to get him to level where he can play.
I take him to community football coached by local dads. They are lovely to him & he quite enjoys it. But he’s increasingly the worst one on the team. My husband says he hates taking him to football, he finds it drags. It’s also 9am Saturdays.

My husband is into almost every other sport, and mainly rugby. He played rugby in school and I’d say he was average enough. He watches it obsessively.

We live beside a rugby club and DH has never shown any interest in taking my son. Never googled it, never asked anyone about it, nada. DS shows an interest in watching rugby and m my husband will vaguely answer his questions but I wouldn’t say he does anything to encourage his interest.

Any match that is in any way significant DH is giggling like a school kids off to watch it with the lads.

Tonight I’m extra annoyed as it’s my son’s second ever sports day tomorrow and DH has gone to play 9 holes. DD is a complete handful and I ended up her screaming while I was trying to get DS into bed at a reasonable time.

DS was upset at his first sports days as he didn’t get a medal. He did fine but being young he wanted a medal. I don’t what him to be upset tomorrow but if he is I’ll manage.

Overall though I’m disappointed for DS. I feel that other dads take so much interest in their sons’ football etc. I feel like my DS will never have the same chance as other kids because he has a lazy, disinterested dad.

The only thing my DH has ever shown any enthusiasm about when it comes to DS is getting him a games console as my DH is into gaming.

My son is a lovely kid. He’s always happy, he loves a chat. I feel he’s thrive with a male role model who cared more than DH does.

Sorry for length.

Any thought welcome.

OP posts:
vincettenoir · 08/06/2025 21:12

There are a lot of disparate issues here. But if your DH doesn’t play football I guess it’s not that surprising he doesn’t play it with your DS. He will improve his game from his Saturday morning practice. But it’s not going to be the thing they bond over, even if this might be nice in your view.

I agree with you it’s pretty poor to bail out of sports day for golf though. He could just play it another day.

Original poster
the7Vabo · 08/06/2025 21:11

arcticpandas · 08/06/2025 21:04

Was going to say this. I was the one taking my boys to basket, football and taught them how to swim and ride a bike. Don't need to be a man to do that. Is there anything else that he does with your DS?

Show quote history

I have taught him to swim & ride a bike. I can barely kick a ball myself (literally, i have terrible co-ordination) so I can’t teach him ball sports.
I do take him to football, and I’ve taken him to extra coaching. I’ve taken him to hockey and he says he wants to try basketball so I’m mid trying to sign him up for that.

I do also believe that boys need male role models to a point. I’ve no doubt tons of single mothers raise great sons, but I have a husband right beside me who could show an interest.

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 08/06/2025 21:10

YANBU as boys can be quite brutal & being able to join in with footie does help (rightly or wrongly). I would leave DD & take DS & you can get to know the other parents. Could you see about rugby too? That can actually be better as it’s not quite as competitive as footie.

leftorrightnow · 08/06/2025 21:07

Sounds like he’s not engaged enough.
Though one thing to consider is - why should it be him doing sports w your son and not you? If he doesn’t want to why don’t you do it and then offload some other household/kids duties on him? I get it you aren’t into sports but you don’t need to play it with him just take him to the classes and sign him up for camps etc.

My DS (8 yrs) is majorly into football and neither DH or I am. Like we literally cousin care less, don’t watch it, don’t play it and never did. DH is into working out and judo and tried to get DS into different martial arts but he wasn’t buying it. I’m only into yoga which I have little hope he’s going to get into lol. But we take turns taking DS to his football training twice a week and occasionally we watch a match on tv with him. I’m sure if he had parents more personally into football he may be better at it than he is, but to me this level is good enough, you can’t transform yourself into something you’re not. Can’t you just sing him up and take turns taking him to training?

itsgettingweird · 08/06/2025 21:06

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 08/06/2025 20:54

Sounds like it’s not a sports issue just that your husband is a shit dad.

This.

My ds dad hasn’t been around since he was 1yo.

He’s still into sport because I encouraged it when he showed an interest and has competed for the country in his sport.

Your ds will do fine with any parental support but he won’t do fine if he has a dad who’s present but yet not present when he’s seeking his attention.

It’s not about which parent takes them - it’s about the self esteem that comes from a physically present parent showing them they care and have an interest when they seek that.

Original poster
the7Vabo · 08/06/2025 21:06

TomatoSandwiches · 08/06/2025 20:56

Your husband is a lazy, selfish, uninterested father, doesn't even sound like he does the bare minimum.

Leave you pointed out how little he does with his own children and in comparison with fathers that encourage their children to do sports and hobbies?

Tbh I think we both struggle with how challenging parenting can be. I’m not anywhere near a perfect parent. I think I have a lot more self awareness about it though.

I think sports is the biggest issue for me because I’ve always been terrible at sports myself. Other than booking my son for coaching, I can’t help him kick a ball around.
I also want him to have a strong male role model.

On occasions when I’ve brought it up my husband won’t disagree with me. He might kick a ball around with him once after a conversion but that will be it.

He did a bit more when DS was a toddler, but recently DH seems to be finding himself mid life, going to the pub a lot, going to play golf.

His dad was a very traditional father. Earnt the money and stayed in the pub while the wife put them to bed type thing. Had 4 kids and I’d say never kicked a ball with any of them. When he has a few drinks on him he says he regrets how much he left to his wife.
So that was my DH role model growing up.

OP posts:
arcticpandas · 08/06/2025 21:04

Fidgety31 · 08/06/2025 21:00

Why can’t you play football with him. ?

Was going to say this. I was the one taking my boys to basket, football and taught them how to swim and ride a bike. Don't need to be a man to do that. Is there anything else that he does with your DS?

Bourbonversuscustardcream · 08/06/2025 21:04

It’s a shame his Dad does nothing with him, but plenty of boys are good enough at football to be able to play with mates in the schoolyard without Dad getting having been involved. Why can’t they bond over gaming?

I think it’s fine if your DH keeps rugby as his adult hobby that he does with his adult friends- I have a couple of hobbies that in theory kids could participate in but I keep my kids out of it and I don’t encourage them to be interested. They have other interests that I will watch, cheer for and encourage, but I want something that’s mine. I don’t think that makes me a bad parent.

I think the early night for a primary school level sports day is a bit precious honestly.

arcticpandas · 08/06/2025 21:04

Fidgety31 · 08/06/2025 21:00

Why can’t you play football with him. ?

Was going to say this. I was the one taking my boys to basket, football and taught them how to swim and ride a bike. Don't need to be a man to do that. Is there anything else that he does with your DS?

Bearbookagainandagain · 08/06/2025 21:02

Why can't you do sport with your son?

Is football for boys and dance for girls?

Fidgety31 · 08/06/2025 21:00

Why can’t you play football with him. ?

catsand · 08/06/2025 21:00

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 08/06/2025 20:54

Sounds like it’s not a sports issue just that your husband is a shit dad.

This

SilviaSnuffleBum · 08/06/2025 20:58

Football - or lack thereof - isn't the issue; your husband being a lazy, selfish twat and a shit father is.

Littletreefrog · 08/06/2025 20:56

Sounds like DH is crap but aside from that can't you take him to sports? Because of my DH's work I've been involved in DS1s football and cricket and DS2s cricket and rugby and swimming. Its not just a Dad thing.

TomatoSandwiches · 08/06/2025 20:56

Your husband is a lazy, selfish, uninterested father, doesn't even sound like he does the bare minimum.

Leave you pointed out how little he does with his own children and in comparison with fathers that encourage their children to do sports and hobbies?

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 08/06/2025 20:54

Sounds like it’s not a sports issue just that your husband is a shit dad.