For expecting husband to want to do sports with son

I assume he has little to do with his daughter either? Does that not bother you? It isn't only boys who benefit from positive male role models, don't forget you're teaching her what to expect in a future partner if she grows up to be heterosexual.

DH does a martial art and wouldn't take 8 year old DS as 'he'll just mess about'. 25 years on and DS has an international gold medal, is a senior instructor and is a step above DH.

Keep plugging at it OP.

Think it seems the overall issue here is - OP correct me if I’m wrong -that your DH doesn’t pull his weight overall. So the spots thing is just compounding the sense he’s not doing enough.

Youre focusing on the sports too much and missing (avoiding) the real issue which is your DH is a shit father. It doesnt have to be sports but he needs to do something with his son, take an interest in his activities even if they are boring. Good parents show up and engage with their children, whether it’s sports or something else.
And no football isn’t some critical boys social skill. My DS and DH have never been into football and do just fine. Stop ignoring the status quo and real issue here.

I feel you. It's really sad. I did what I could sportwise with my son but there's nothing like a parent enjoying and sharing a sport simultaneously with their child, just both showing them how much fun it can be because they like the sport, and also giving the child that sense that they are important enough to share it with them.

Difference in my case is that dh did what he could. He was physically and mentally unwell and couldn't do a lot of sport with ds, though managed to cycle with him, and watched him play cricket. It was frustrating for me playing my shite tennis and learning to bowl with ds so I could be some sort of use at cricket practice, but never being good enough to develop him much. And I obviously did what I could to get him involved with lots of activities, and dh did what he could too, at least he thought about it and researched options. It was dh who spotted that ds might like athletics, which became ds's main sport, and found ds's piano teacher too.

I simply can't understand what your dh is doing. He's throwing away opportunities to be a good dad which aren't even that hard. How difficult is it to take your child to a rugby club FGS? Given that he's not got any of the issues that my dh had that left him unable to leave the house a fair bit? And to carve out time to prioritise him?

My dp has just lost his own dad. He's processing lots of things that make me think some men just fail at meeting children, particularly sons, where they are, accepting them, bringing them along to things they love. It was the same with my brother and my dad. I sometimes think they struggle to be with an individual who isn't at a high enough level for them; as if it reflects badly on them, when if course it's actually the opposite, it reflects badly on them if they can't build links with their own child this way. If he really wants a future relationship with his son that is worth the name, then NOW is the time. I hope you can shout at him loudly enough to break through the carapace of selfishness he's wrapped himself in.

And why shouldn't she? Sports isn't the sphere of men only for sons.

Can you do football with him if he likes that?

Do you think he might be embarrassed about having a son that is not naturally sporty? The whole masculine my boy is better than your boy thing? Not that this is an excuse in any way and is incredibly sad

My DS4 doesn't seem to be sporty inclined at the moment. However DH has still taught him how to ride a bike, hitches him on the back of his bike when he goes out with DD and has helped his confidence in the swimming pool. Both myself and DH enjoy watching sports and have our own sports that we enjoy doing. DH absolutely wouldn't be put off trying something new with DS despite his lack of sporting prowess.

Yep

I completely see your point op and your son has two parents. This is something your husband could reasonably do and your son would benefit from.

Can't believe all the posts defending the half arsed dad here. Yes OP as a mum could do sports with her son but WHY SHOULD SHE when she's doing plenty else and he's swanning off to the match or the pub with his mates? Doing or even watching sports with his son would be an easy way to make parenting better and combine it with his own interests but he can't be bothered.

There are a number of issues here. And in your position I’d want more help with bedtimes too.

But I think you are a bit fixated with a particular type of male role model that your husband was never going to fit.

I agree with you that it is really wonderful for kids to grow up feeling like their parents enjoy their company and are invested in them. But football or rugby don’t necessarily need to be part of the picture.

Teaching or mentoring is not the same as participating or just watching. Teaching involves having a lot of patience as well as skill.

Plus, your husband can't be bothered and would rather play golf. It really sounds like he wants time away from the family and doesn't want your son involved in something he likes like rugby.

Your son is going to have to learn sports from his coaches. It's not that your expectations are unreasonable, but they are when it comes to your husband. He's not that guy.

Maybe you take your son and your husband parents at home with your daughter.

The problem is sports for boys and girls can be really important in the teen years to help steer them away from problem behaviours including gaming which is addictive and obviously provides no physical benefits, it’s so odd that your husband is steering him towards this as such a young age rather than channeling him into a sport which could provide friendships and life skills in his teen years and beyond. He’s doing him a disservice. People with successful teens are those whohave their kids in lots of extracurricular, whether sporting or otherwise. Teens who don’t have something going on in their life have a void to fill. You sound like a lovely mum and he’s letting you and your son down. Could you talk to him about his long term effects of having interests

@Sunnyatlast25
The op says the only interest he could share is gaming.
Which is shite.

I see. So it’s not really about your DS not getting enough exposure to sport in general but more that you feel disappointed with your DH’s lack of engagement with him. I understand. It does sound like he’s not that engaged. You said he didn’t have a close relationship w his own father so didn’t have the greatest role model. So you know what’s going on.

it’s sad to watch - I have a similar-ish situation where my DH doesn’t engage as much w the kids as I’d hoped. He didn’t have great parents either so he didn’t learn how to parent in an engaged way. I know he appreciates that I’m more involved and he tells me so occasionally. I try to reminded him to do more w them and create opportunities for him to do so by stepping back and also (okay this is probably annoying for him but I don’t care) doing things like saying to the kids - go play a board game with dad or ask dad to do so and so w you - and when they do he usually says yes. But there are so many interests he has that he could do more to actively share w them.

but with time I’ve also come to see that he is the person he is. He grew up the way he did and he’s not going to change majorly at this age. So I accept that he’s more hands on w household stuff. He cooks most meals and does a lot of cleaning and grocery shopping, he drives and I don’t etc. And so I do more w the kids. In an ideal world everything would be evenly split but alas this is where we are. I think the most important thing is that overall the household and childcare burden is evenly shared and you each feel appreciated for what you bring.

What do you think your husband will be like as your son gets older? Will he show more or less interest I wonder? It’s his chance to be a good dad especially if he didn’t have a great one himself.

OP im a lone parent and a woman. I kick a ball about with my son in the garden. Don't let being a woman stop you.

I feel like my DS will never have the same chance as other kids because he has a lazy, disinterested dad.

Your poor boy. That's so sad.

I find the last bit of your op where you say your boy is a lovely kid who loves a chat and would thrive with an interested dad really sad.

My exh was like that. He never and I mean never played with the children apart from when we split up and he wanted to come back and he suddenly had a personality transplant and made a model with the children which they loved and I thought, if only he could have always been like that. (It didn’t last.)

Your husband sounds hopeless and why is he going to the pub and on lads’ nights out so much? It’s lazy and selfish.

I'm not a single mother but anyway my point is; does your DH do any other activity with your son ? My DH loved taking the boys to the cinema, zoo and the sea. Since I'm a Sahm I let him chose activities that he enjoys.

But I do understand your frustration if he's the one enjoying sports and you have terrible coordination it makes sense that he takes your DS to sports.

So if he already goes to football and you’ve even signed him up for extra coaching what’s the problem?

Why can't you kick a ball with him or sign him up to the rugby club?