For expecting husband to want to do sports with son

I still think the sports thing isn’t a necessity. What is a necessity is that your husband and your children have a relationship and that he finds something he enjoys doing with them. My husband and I both find football a bit of a chore, but we take him along and stand there and clap sometimes. We find other things we enjoy doing with him.

so no, not a requirement that a father and children (you haven’t mentioned your daughter here but that relationship is super important too) play sports together. Nice if they both want to but not required. But super important for him to be involved in their lives in some way.

Can't you explain the rules to him? Football isn't very complicated

Sports are a great thing to get young boys into because much of the adult male social scene revolves around them. It really can help set them up for life.

My DS is only 4 but so far he’s been taken to football, cricket and horse racing and he loves them all. He then plays football and cricket with DH whenever he can and I take him swimming.

Thankfully neither DH or I are in the slightest bit interested in gaming and have never owned a games console even as kids so hopefully that also follows through to DS.

Sports have provided DH and I with a huge amount of pleasure over the years and I hope DS experiences the same.

I’d try and work out what’s going on about not understanding the rules as that seems to be where the problem is. With all the sports ours played, we never had to explain rules at all. The coaches did that with the kids at training and expanded as rules got more complicated as they got older. With most sports we had no idea and the kids had to explain the rules to us!

Its not about being very good at football, but playing, wanting to play and being involved.

I have boys OP, your husband is a deeply selfish lazy father who doesn't care about his children.

They are being completely let down and theyvwill totally know it now and as they grow.

They see the other interested parents, particularly Dads and they note the absence of theirs for no reason.

His preference is armchair sports, the pub and his friends.

He's a complete loser.
Loads will excuse his shit parenting, MN has only the lowest of bars anyway, but he is not the norm.

Have you family to step in as many boys love to play and practice hitting and kicking with a man.

I couldn't look at such a waster of a father and he would know it.

Yanbu for your concern for your children.

Honestly OP take him to rugby yourself or get him a mentor/sports mentor.

your DH sounds lazy, not sure why he wouldn’t take DS to games with him if he’s shown interest

There are plenty of boys who have no interest in football and manage to live their lives! I think you are too focussed on this and you sounds as ‘traditional’ and sexist as your husband to be honest. If you want him to play sport, take him. You don’t have to practice with him. My parents were crap at maths, couldn’t do my homework so didn’t help me and I excelled at it. I also played netball and neither parents ever played netball with me.

Aside from this, your husband sounds terrible and is definitely not a father figure I’d want my child to grow up with. You don’t need to play sports to be a good father.

You need to talk about this again OP with your DH. You could even suggest he talks to his own Dad about any regrets he has. He also shouldn't be going out a few times a week with such small children. He's opting out of parenting. He needs to know that has consequences.

What puzzles me is why you picked football and not rugby to sign your son up given DH interest in rugby?
There seems to be a few things at play here

• you seem to have stepped in to the default parent role and DH is opting out, this is separate to football/sport issues but you've noticed it due to that. You need to get DH to step up and start engaging
• if your son likes and enjoys football in the local community centre then leave him doing that. He's probably learnt enough to kick a ball in the playground already. It's fine.
• if your son displays interest in other sports then by all means sign him up for those but if he's not sporty then don't bother making him do lots of different ones simultaneously. Let him try a few and see what he enjoys. Don't overcompensate
• fwiw (and I'm a rugby mum) rugby at v young age is not the same as club rugby as it's all tag (different skills required) and also if your son is small and slender DH may also be thinking he's not going to be suited rugby long term? I've no clue just guessing

My older DS only plays rugby, doesnt play football or anything and is 18 now and has been fine at his non rugby playing school! Football is not required for school life i promise

YABU for this- “I think the only thing I can practically do is book my son into stuff and tell my husband he is taking him”. That’s not how life works, and certainly not how healthy relationships work. If my husband tried that with me he’d be getting a laugh and a “nope, you enjoy that”. We do not “just tell” each other what we’re doing.

They may not be a sports family, they can bond over gaming. That’s fine.

Well TBH it sounds like she’s doing everything else for both kids while her DH games and watches sports with his mates, so she probably just wants him to take responsibility for something.

My ex was the same . He was obsessed with watching sport but wouldn’t cross the road to take DS . DS struggled making friends at high school and though he wasn’t a great player he got into a football team. I took him to training and games. It was the making of him . He thrived and finally had some mates. I got season tickets for our local team for DS and I but they weren’t good enough for DH ! DS is adult now and we still go together. My now ex-DH wonders why DS doesn’t particularly bother with him but you reap what you sow. Please keep supporting your son .

My husband played football most of his life and isn’t particularly involved with my son’s football. He finds children’s activities to be pretty boring. My son was awful when he started (I can’t play either) but several years down the line and he’s much better. He has training twice a week and a game on Sundays and he loves it. Would he be better if he played with his father every week like I see our neighbours doing? Sure. But that isn’t important because my children do lots of other things instead. My husband takes them hiking and camping and plays board games and all sorts of things.

if your son wants to play he’ll do it with or without a parent. You’re only seeing the involved dads because you’re looking for them - there will be plenty of children who have never played football with their parents.

football doesn’t have to be an important part of life. Plenty of kids don’t play at all. My daughter hates it and my son gets annoyed with people who only want to do football. He purposely finds children with other interests even though he plays.

this doesn’t mean your husband is a great father though as sounds like this is just an example of general lack of involvement. But just wanted to reassure you that your son doesn’t actually either need a parent to play or indeed play at all.

You are not being unreasonable I would find that lack of interest in parenting a real turn off. The fathers around me even the ones you wouldn’t be writing home about are generally at least interested in their kid’s sports. But many of them coach loads of their kids hobbies as do the Mums.

Well your DH is making no effort at parenting. It’s not a sports based issue really is it?

Whilst acknowledging his shit parenting, I still think that you are more than capable of doing the sports stuff yourself 🤷‍♀️ As a single mum, there was only me to do this with mine and I managed, despite being utterly crap at sport myself. Your kids won’t care how bad you are, but they’ll remember that you cared enough to try. They will also remember that their dad didn’t care enough to try.

He’s acting like a single man and you are acting as a single mum when it comes to the children. Maybe you should point this out to him. You might as well actually be a single mum. You wouldn’t have an adult man child in the house.

You are over focused on the football. Your DH sounds like he is hands off so you need to start there.

Id also get him into Rugby which is something you can help with passing the ball. Also is there a tennis club? Tennis is great for meeting kids from other schools and they often have fun half term/summer holiday coaching etc too.

Start with your DH though I am not sure how he justifies being absent all of a Sunday and just expect you to pick everything up.

As a lone parent I’d argue it’s easier doing it all alone than having a useless manchild in the mix as well.

Not sure I 100% agree the kid needs a male role model. Only that my DH is quite a huge guy, into sports and no one would mess with him. His dad had no interest in his family from when DH and his siblings were toddlers (it is very sad).

DH was raised by women and he is masculine and sporty and all that you may think you need from a man. Please don’t think you need a ‘male role model’ as women are more than capable of filling that role. Your DS will make friends with men in all avenues of life.

You're weirdly set on the idea that your DS needs to be able to play football to get on in life.

He really doesn't. That's never been true.

I'd love it if my DS went to kick a ball about with some mates but he tells me I'm old fashioned and no-one in secondary school wants to play football, they're all gaming and shouting at each other on headsets instead.

I love elaborate baking but I don't want to do it with my kids because they're generally shit at it, slow, and make a mess. They can stick a cake mix in some cupcake cases if they like but just because I enjoy something, doesn't mean I automatically want to do it with my kids.

Well you can show him, why is it down to a man women play football too

I presume it's not so much that the OP can't do this, but that she's doing everything else already and thinks that her husband might do this one thing, that he's apparently interested in, with his own son. Because otherwise, what exactly is the point in him?

OP - unfortunately your husband is a lazy, selfish twat. Your son will start to realise this at some point. He probably won't change, so my advice would be to "replace" him as much as possible. Look around you for other good male role models for your DS. Keep up the clubs and ask families you're friends with who have involved dads if you can hang out with them. Tell your husband this - that you're looking for male role models for your son because he's such a waste of space and letting his son down. Don't pull any punches.

Many kids do have more invested dads, yes - but to be blunt, yours don’t. And from what you’ve said, he doesn’t find parenting particularly rewarding and is very happy to be getting a social life away from his family (or at least his kids) back. Realistically, he has no intention of becoming more engaged, or inviting his son into his adult hobbies.

Your frustration is understandable but pointless. If you want your son to have experience with sports, you’re going to have to lead on getting it, personally or through clubs. It’s good that a coach at the football has taken an interest. Can you ask them to help him understand the rules more? Or pay for a 1:1 session? At 7 you run the risk that people will assume he does know how to play soon. Similarly that he’d be able to recognise that it is his team playing, if he’s interested enough to have one.