For expecting husband to want to do sports with son

Most dads don't coach their kids in sports, DH didn't- he never had the time. I took them to football, climbing, tennis and swimming but other people did the teaching. This was standard for maybe 90% of their peer group- there were a few dads turning out with the kids, but the very large majority didn't.

I think I’ve read most of the thread but forgive me if I’ve missed anything.
Are you getting as much time to go out by yourself as your husband is? Because that is necessary for him to see himself as a responsible parent and necessary for your sanity. If all you’re ever doing is looking after the kids they will become your whole life and little things like football (I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be mean!) will blow up into huge things.
If your boy never plays football again he will be ok. If your husband doesn’t buck his ideas up (which means you stepping back and giving him responsibility) it will not be ok. I couldn’t live with a man like that.

If he's little, say KS1, just practice 3 things and he'll beat half the field:

1. Concentrate at the start. Listen to the teacher and go on the b of bang.
2. Run straight. In your own lane.
3. Keep running through the finish line. No weird jumps or dives because it's "faster".

@the7Vabo HUGE sympathies. I am in a very similar position, tho further down the road and DH is now taking an interest in DS's football. Feel free to DM me if you want a listening ear from someone who understands. My DH is also a golfer and a gamer who watches endless sport on TV. It's really sad when parents don't make the effort with their kids.

Your children deserve to have a dad who prioritises them and their hobbies/interests over the pub, but it's not as easy as LTB.

P.s ignore the posters telling you to do it and accusing you of being sexist. They're clearly not reading your posts.

He does play football, he plays for a kids team.

You don’t need to have a dad to be into football. Why can’t you take him? My DS doesn’t have a dad and loves football, I’m not really interested in it but I’ve encouraged his interest by signing him up to the local football club where he’s made lots of friends and plays matches regularly, which I love watching him play. I get that it must be shit to have a husband who’s disinterested in encouraging and supporting your kids (I think that should be your question maybe..) but I don’t get why your DS can’t play football, maybe unfortunately you need to let go of the idea that it’s going to be his dad that makes that happen and do it yourself instead

I completely get you, OP. In all honesty, I was just forwarding YouTube videos to dh with ideas how to help ds run faster, as I’m dreading sports day for him.
I was always last/worsr in those things, while dh says he was first. Yet, I’m the one trying to make ds a bit more …less-obviously-non sporty. He seems to take to me, bless him, but somehow it’s worst for a boy to underperform in sports.

I actively help ds with English, Maths and Science. I think it’s fair to expect from dh to help with running and basic football skills.

Well it sounds like a coaching issue now really. The coaches are failing. Appreciate they are volunteer fathers (as they are for my son), but they need to get some training or something so they can actually teach and not just throw young children out onto a pitch and see what happens. It would be lovely if your husband wanted to join in, but he doesn't so there's no fixing that. It really sounds like two separate issues - bad coaching and an indifferent parent. You need to decide if you can live with both or one or neither of these issues but you can't really fix either.

It doesn’t have to be football but team sports are such a huge help socially. My oldest is sporty and he will make instant friends with anyone with a ball of some kind who’s willing to play, it’s lovely to watch. My other son is much more introverted and not as sporty but throw in a ball and he can engage socially with new people. A team sport is mandatory in our house.

OP doesn’t need a black belt, she needs a DH who pulls his weight with the kids’ activities!

I can assure you it's not misogyny to think that being able to play football is a handy lingua franca for making friends, particularly (though not exclusively, obviously) for boys. We moved countries when DS was 7 -- new education system, climate, language etc. Being able to play football immediately with the kids in his new school was a boon.

Misogynistic rubbish that boys must play football to make friends and socialise.

If he isn't interested then find another sport or activity. When my DS was 7 I took him to a kick boxing family class. 7.5 years later and we both have black belt!

Kids will make friendship groups doing STUFF they enjoy, not necessarily sport.

Yes I will also jump on the band wagon and say as a single parent I did the whole football thing from aged 4 to 17 when he could drive BUT my son had no resident dad!
I agree football playing and knowledge of it is a social icebreaker for lots of ppl, we even had season tickets.
Your husband needs to invest or f off. Son deserves better. Does he want a solid relationship with his kids? because he will lose out, kids don't forget useless parents I can assure you.

We went from Rugby Tots & Little Kickers to this club. The former was a lot of hyper toddler style running around. In the current club DS is put on a pitch against a team from another town and he doesn’t understand what he’s supposed to do. Nobody has ever really explained it to him during the coaching sessions

I’d look to move him somewhere else as that sounds like shit coaching. Most kids sports, the rules change all the time as they progress up in age. The rules you have when you play are not the same at 16yo as they were when you were 4yo, or 8yo or 12yo. It’s not up to parents to explain all the rule changes to the kids as while parents may know rules at professional level (the types of matches people see in stadiums and on tv), they don’t tend to know how the rules go and progress as children age through a sport. That’s the coaches job, not the parents. Sounds like shit coaching so I’d just move him elsewhere.

I think this sounds really difficult actually so I see why there’s a problem developing. I’d look for a community club with a stepped approach - or indeed just pull him and try rugby or something else for a while. If he’s not being coached properly that’s an issue with or without his parents involvement.

"But I also don’t see why it’s unreasonable to expect my husband to do it. "

The reality is you can have expectations but your husband is just not the man who is going to be involved with his kids' activities. He's not going to take his kids out back and kick a ball around with them, he's not going to get your son involved in something your husband likes, like rugby, because he doesn't want to be involved with him. Rugby is your husband's thing and he finds the kids hard work so he's going to keep it for himself. He's there in body but he's not committed to being an involved father.

" I think it’s important for DH to have a relationship of significance with his son. "

I agree. But you chose the wrong man because your husband doesn't care. He's modeling what he was raised with. Your reality is your husband doesn't care to be involved with your kids and he is not going to step up for them. What you think is important you are going to have to do or let it go. He's not going to.

Super good point there too. At 7 years old there aren’t exactly professional level rules. My son started playing at 4 and is (almost) 9 now. He’s in 7s and this is their first year with assigned positions and lots of rules - all taught by the coaches. My son is a goalie and does extra goalie training each week and there is something different now with how far he can pass it out? Or throw it? Something changed for 7s but I don’t quite know what it is as he is learning from his coaches. I’m an immigrant so didn’t grow up playing football so it’s mostly a mystery to me.

at 7 it was still 4s and they just ran around a lot. So not much else to know yet.

Two separate issues here. Yes, you have a dh issue and no, his lack of a role model is no excuse. However from your description, he's not likely to change. Have you tried talking to him about his childhood and what he would have liked his father to do? Could your fil take your ds to football? That may give him something to think about.

Equally, the best way to improve ball skills is time on the ball. My eldest had horrendous coordination when he started playing. Even simple things like putting a coat down and getting him to aim at it or marking the wall in your garden can have a huge difference. You don't need to physically play yourself. I sometimes get mine to run laps around the park keeping a ball undercontrol or just let him kick a ball about.

My dd is 7 and she plays for a team. I don't think she necessarily knows all the rules for a proper game of football. At the moment they only play 4 aside so I don't see him not understanding the rules as being an issue. Ds stopped playing for a team at 9 and he was only playing 7 aside then.