For expecting husband to want to do sports with son

Absolutely.

On reflection, it was probably age 9 when I started developing an interest (not 10 as I posted earlier). I remember not knowing how to take a throw-in during my first game, and that wad about the extent of the learning-curve (in terms of understanding the game).

As a pre-teen, I did not have an athletic build and continued to be one of the worst players in my year group, but that didn't stop me enjoying it, and playing multiple times per day. Then puberty hit and I very suddenly went from being one of the worst in my year to one of the best - it was just a physique thing.

Is your son ND?

It is odd, to me, if he's struggling to grasp the basic rules, given that they are extremely simple. I'd expect him to have sufficient understanding after playing one game (and I'm ND myself).

I cannot fathom how a child wouldn't be able to join in, if they wanted to, unless there are some underlying issues (and nothing in your posts suggest that).

Can you be more specific about what he is actually struggling with?

If its about more than just playing, and being able to join in football-related conversations, thats more to do with regularly watching football than it is playing - and I just don't see that as important, particularly for a 7 year old.

Well it sounds all very football obsessed round you OP.
My younger son enjoys playing footie at school but I can tell you right now the rules ain't the ones the FA endorses ! There's nothing that couldn't be taught in 5 mins e.g we don't play offsides, we have the goals here, if it goes beyond the coat then it's out etc
Watch a match with your sin on the TV, listen to the commentators they explain it as they commentate. Bbc do a bitsize explainer which is perfect for kids. 121 coaches wont help as it's about recognising things as you play not honing your scoring skills.
I'm sorry DH is uninterested, this is the biggest issue. And don't stress about your DS finding friends, he'll find his tribe, football or not

It wasn’t intended as a criticism of you at all, I’m sorry it came across that way. I just meant that he’s still so young. Plenty of time to improve.

How often is he training now? Do you have a goal at home? Does he play football when his friends come round? The best thing for my son was to just spend ages kicking a ball around with friends on the green on our estate. He trains twice a week with a game each weekend but then spends the rest of his time doing other things.

One of the things that improved his game the most was improving his stamina. He can run for an entire game now which is a great start. So any sort of physical activity is good to support his fitness too.

Can you talk to his coach and see what he thinks?

I am sorry to hear it’s all so football themed at your school though - my son is one of a handful of children in the community club at our school so the breaks are spent playing loads of different things.

All those people saying why can’t the OP kick a ball around with her son, I bet OP manages the household, sorts everyone’s clubs, appointments and life so, yes she could also add playing football with son to her list but why should she?
I get you OP, my husband can be like this too, and it’a unfair to take on even more. Your husband should be taking your son under his wing and showing him his love of rugby, that’s utterly shit of your husband and quite selfish.
I would delegate that task out to your husband to contact the club and get him started in junior rugby if your son wants that.
Overall though, it sounds like your husband is going through something, but he still has a family and children that he has to be present for whether he likes it or not.

My daughter is 10 and decided about a year ago that she wanted to play football. She’d never kicked a ball before. We found her a local girls team and a year later she’s really quite good. No additional ‘training’ or ‘kicking a ball around’ with us. I don’t think a 7 year old can be ‘behind’ at football TBH. Loads of kids haven’t even started playing.

Also, getting 1-to-1 coaching because he's "far behind" at 7....

...on average, most boys start playing between 5 and 8.

It is extremely unlikely that he is "behind". He may simply not have much in the way of natural ability (which may or may not change as his body does).

It sounds like he enjoys playing and doesn't perceive himself to be poor at it. Honestly, I think your focus on his ability (or lack thereof) in relation to his peers is more likely to end up hurting his self esteem and put him off playing, than it is to be productive in the long run.

Once I developed an interest in it, I'd play multiple times per day and loved it - in part because I liked the game and in part because I was playing with my friends. 1 to 1 training and skill-developing drills, though, would have bored me to tears (and was always the worst thing abouy out-of-school football - my peers and I saw it as a hoop to be jumped through before we could actually just have a game).

If he genuinely enjoys the 1 to 1 training then keep it up, but I think its unnecessary and unlikely to prove enjoyable in the long term.

If your DH is not an adequately engaged parent, then that's a problem.

Your hyper-focus on football is OTT, though.

I'm male. Wasn't really interested in football until I was about 10 (more into imaginative play), then started playing in and out of school.

From that point in, I was a bit rubbish for 3 or 4 years (pre growth spirt) and usually one of the last picked, but still enjoyed it. Being one of the worst didn't hold me back, socially, and I enjoyed playing. Post-growth spirt I became very good - usually first picked during lunchtime games, and made it onto the school team (about 150 boys in my year).

Yeah it was nice when I was suddenly good at it but, from the point of developing an interest, I played every day regardless of whether I was good or bad, because I enjoyed it.

From my primary school peers, I could could on one hand (and could probably stand to lose a couple of fingers) the number of dads who even semi-regularly played football with my classmates.

If he enjoys it, then its great than you're facilitating extra training, etc, but its completely unnecessary. It reads a little like you might be pressuring him too hard to excel at sports, though (e.g., him being sad not to win a medal at sports day).

I do agree that football is a good social outlet but that doesn't mean you have to be great at it. And even if his dad did start playing with him regularly, its not likely to meaningfully improve his ability, unless your DH is a specialist coach or something.

By all means, encourage shared activities for the sake of bonding, but it doesn't have to be sport, and your focus on training him up to be "good enough" to socialize via football is extremely overboard and unnecessary.

I hear you & it sounds like it must be a very difficult & frustrating situation. Gently though, I’d say ultimately your DH watching TV or playing video games with your son - even though it is the lazy option for your DH & that would piss me off too - is actually probably better for their relationship in the long run than them going to an activity you’ve arranged if your DH doesn’t want to be there as ultimately, your DS will pick up on that negativity & it’ll cause resentment.

Longer term though, I’d be thinking hard about what you’re getting from this partnership.

My husband had very limited physical ability when the kids were small but as an avid rugby fan, they were in team strips at 6 mo the and taken to watch at every opportunity.

Afraid I agree with catsand

My dad never played sport with me (I'm male now in my 50s) I was and still am sports mad, all sport but particularly football. I listen to talk sport almost every day.

My dad did other things, we went for walks. He took me with him to work.at times. When he had to give up work because of ill health when I was 11 he was always there to ask about school.

I don't feel hard done by. I had a great relationship with my dad. He was my best mate. He died when I was 24 a month after I got married but the things he taught me about life are still with me every day

Honestly OP, MN is the wrong place.
It's piled high with posters than bend themselves out of shape defending shit fathers and husbands.

Your husband is a sports mad, golf playing drinker, who is a BMD (bare minimum dad).
He really is a waste of space.

Decent parents know the value of showing their children they are interested in them, talk to them, stand and watch and encourage them, even when they really don't feel like it.
Its so lovely for children to be able to play dports at any level and discuss it with interested parents.

Children that learn the fun and joy of exercise at any level are far more likely to incorporate it as adults.

You have every right to be extremely unhappy at your husbands selfish behaviour.

His own father was a poor role model and he is following his example.

This is now intergenerational shit fathering.

There is no comparison between an absent father for whatever reason and a father who lives with his children but simply cannot be arsed with them.

Don't be fobbed off by him.
He is a shit father by choice, no other excuse.

You are clearly doing your best and are to be commended.
It's not easy trying to compensate for a shit other parent.

Mind yourself. You and your children deserve much better than this selfish loser.

I was absolutely awful at ball games as a child. Still can’t catch very well. I never played football
or rugby as a child. But when my DS was small I learnt to kick a football with him. And for about 2 years I had to live and breathe football with him, it’s a phase a lot of kids go through. I got much better at kicking a ball around and would tell him it shows what a difference practice makes (particularly when he’d say boys are better than girls 🙄).

So, long winded way of saying, why not just try playing some football with both your kids in the garden or park? Or go with a couple of other parents (mums or dads) and play with them and their kids?

Bigger issue though is your DH not engaging. I’d originally thought you were going to say your DH hated sport as a child and had bad memories of it, but it’s not that. I like the idea from the poster who suggested just booking two clubs and getting your DH to take him to them.

Can you sit your husband down and ask him why he isn't more involved with his kids? Why has he turned into his dad?

He plays rugby, so he knows that sports isn't just a social lubricant, it builds teamwork and mindset. Does he want his kids to miss out on that?

Sure, he gets pleasure out of his sports, but he's also got a role to play on his children's team. He's a coach and right now, he's an absent one.

I do think the football thing is a red herring. Keep taking him to the football classes he enjoys, if he’s interested get the Football Hero’s books & read them to him/ chat about them together. I really wouldn’t bother with 1 on 1 coaching for a 7yr old. Let football be something you & your son enjoy together.

But beyond that, I really think you need to talk to your DH & explain you’re worried he doesn’t spend enough quality time with your DS. Ask him
what activities he thinks him & DS might enjoy together - whether it’s a TV show they can watch together, or more cinema trips or crazy golf or DS helping your DH to cook. I don’t think you should be trying to dictate what your DH does in his time with your son, but you can explain how upsetting/ worrying you find it that they don’t spend enough time together.

My husband does 0 kid admin. He manages our finances and I do the children admin - parties, activities, whatever. My husband has no idea what size they are or what their best friend’s favourite colour is. He does 100% of the cooking, anything outside, the finances and various other things. It’s actually easier not to split up the kid admin as that’s how we created mistakes and clashes when he did jump in on something.

I find sports days and similar really triggering as I was terrible at all sports my entire life. But I had to learn to leave my emotions out and let my kids approach it as they like. My daughter with 100% hatred and my son with great enthusiasm as it turns out. I wouldn’t read anything into an egg and spoon race really.