Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd saying I look fat

136 replies

Hatethistimeofyear · 08/06/2025 19:28

Recently Dd, 7 has said a couple of times that I look fat and my tummy looks pregnant
I have got a bit of weight on me-size 16-18, but she’s never mentioned it before.

How would you deal with this? Would you say it’s not nice to call people fat? I know she’s not meaning to be unkind and isn’t saying it an unkind way

Would you just leave it?

Ive always said it doesn’t matter what you look like, it’s how kind you are that matters

Feeling a bit shit as trying desperately to lose weight

OP posts:
Animatic · 08/06/2025 20:00

My dc went through a (very short) stage at 7yrs old of telling me, grandparents we were fat and made comments about other people. Now, I am size 6 and so are are some others he told were "fat" so I thought it wasn't really related to size as such. I explained to him telling people they were fat /slim is rude and he stopped.
Perhaps just tell her these comments are unkind and should not be coming out of her mouth.

ExcitingRicotta · 08/06/2025 19:57

NuffSaidSam · 08/06/2025 19:42

I would concede that she was right and tell her that you're eating healthily and doing exercise to change that. They learn about healthy eating/nutrition and exercise at school so she's probably just become aware of different sizes and that some are healthy and some are not.

I'd also tell her it's rude to comment on what other people look like. You then need to honour this yourself though, if you tell her she's pretty/cute/looks nice etc. this all counts as commenting on someone's appearance. You need to make sure you follow your own rules.

This!

If you’re unhappy about it, she’s probably picking up on it as well. Much better to be honest with her.

SilviaSnuffleBum · 08/06/2025 19:56

WanderingWisteria · 08/06/2025 19:34

Both of my DC said similar things to me when they were around that age. I just commented that it was because I didn’t have much time to exercise and enjoyed eating cake and reminded them it wasn’t nice to comment on people’s shape

I did the same with my two.

SilviaSnuffleBum · 08/06/2025 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Why do you think it is okay to tell someone on here this?! Awful comment!

EmeraldShamrock000 · 08/06/2025 19:54

I would explain that everyone is different. It is unkind to point out something that a person cannot change in under 5 minutes.

HÆLTHEPAIN · 08/06/2025 19:49

If she’s saying in an purely observational way and not saying it to be nasty, which you say she isn’t, then I don’t think you should tell her off.

The best thing is to explain that it’s not good to comment on anyone’s body regardless of shape, size, ability, features etc. Then you explain that body’s come in all different varieties size, shape, colour etc. Keep it all neutral.

Edited - I’d also not go into too much detail about how you’re trying to lose weight. No child needs to know that.

ItsStillWork · 08/06/2025 19:49

We’ve had a number of incidents like this, particularly at swimming.

i just tell them it’s rude to say things like that and we only say nice things.

my dd when she was 5 saw a man with a large belly at swimming and when he walked past us piped up “he looks like he’s eaten a lot!”

he’d barely walked past us and was still well within earshot.

i was mortified!

Dweetfidilove · 08/06/2025 19:48

PomeloOud · 08/06/2025 19:37

Out of the mouths of babes…

I think I’d say it can be hurtful to call
someone fat, but you’re aware you are and you’re trying to lose weight to be healthy.

☝🏾

Panterusblackish · 08/06/2025 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You're old enough to know better even if the OPs daughter isn't.

outerspacepotato · 08/06/2025 19:45

It's obviously time to teach her about body shaming and not to do it.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 08/06/2025 19:45

You tell her it's not kind to comment on someone's appearance unless you're giving them a compliment.

JustGiveMeWineNow · 08/06/2025 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

That’s not very kind!

Lavender14 · 08/06/2025 19:45

I'd explain that all bodies look different and that's OK. We might notice differences but we don't comment on them.

There's no need to go into diet or health or anything else provided messages about nutrition and taking care of our bodies is already part of your conversations at home. I certainly wouldn't be equating diet and body shape at that age.

Winter2020 · 08/06/2025 19:44

You need to gently tell her as you don't want her saying "that lady is very fat" etc when she sees people. It's probably a case for "If you have nothing nice to say then don't say anythjng".

Tomellete · 08/06/2025 19:43

NuffSaidSam · 08/06/2025 19:42

I would concede that she was right and tell her that you're eating healthily and doing exercise to change that. They learn about healthy eating/nutrition and exercise at school so she's probably just become aware of different sizes and that some are healthy and some are not.

I'd also tell her it's rude to comment on what other people look like. You then need to honour this yourself though, if you tell her she's pretty/cute/looks nice etc. this all counts as commenting on someone's appearance. You need to make sure you follow your own rules.

No, I don't count complimenting someone as the same and I also tell (now older) dcs this. It's ok to say someone looks nice or you like their dress or whatever. It isn't OK to ask someone why one of their teeth is wonky or brown

Stellaris22 · 08/06/2025 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Do you want to reread your post?

Tomellete · 08/06/2025 19:42

Guavafish1 · 08/06/2025 19:41

Kids speak the truth

Unhelpful

NuffSaidSam · 08/06/2025 19:42

I would concede that she was right and tell her that you're eating healthily and doing exercise to change that. They learn about healthy eating/nutrition and exercise at school so she's probably just become aware of different sizes and that some are healthy and some are not.

I'd also tell her it's rude to comment on what other people look like. You then need to honour this yourself though, if you tell her she's pretty/cute/looks nice etc. this all counts as commenting on someone's appearance. You need to make sure you follow your own rules.

Guavafish1 · 08/06/2025 19:41

Kids speak the truth

Coconutter24 · 08/06/2025 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

The irony

JockyWilsonsaid · 08/06/2025 19:40

Tell her she's being unkind, because (even if she's being factual) it's mean.

Tomellete · 08/06/2025 19:40

I have some medical issues which make me bloat sometimes 😒. My dcs used to say similar to your dd. I always say not to comment on people's appearances and reiterate it anytime they do. That goes for someone being very tall, very skinny, having unusual teeth, having visible scars etc too. Just don't comment on people's appearances at all.

Some adults need to hear the same message but I'm not their mum so 🤷‍♀️

MsJJones · 08/06/2025 19:39

I would say that we don’t comment on people’s bodies.

Teeal · 08/06/2025 19:38

I’d tell her that we don’t say things like that to people, ignoring it doesn’t feel the best course of action incase she says it to others

JLou08 · 08/06/2025 19:38

My DD said I looked pregnant when she was about the same age. I laughed at it at first but then explained to her that some people would be very hurt if someone said that to them. It didn't happen again.

Swipe left for the next trending thread