Dd saying I look fat

But we do… don’t we? when did you last tell your child they looked nice / beautiful etc? You may not think that’s commenting on their bodies but you comment on how they look (I assume) so it’s hard for them to understand the difference between that and saying someone is fat (if they are).

I would tell her that bodies come in all shapes and sizes and that it’s good that every body is different. But it’s not kind to comment on other peoples bodies.

Just say bodies come in all shapes and sizes and its considered rude to comment unless paying a compliment.

I really hate the 'its rude' with no further explanation! Wouldn't satisfy my ADHD eldest who would mother me senseless about the reasons why. Why not explain the reasoning to kids?

You do you. But it's not consistent to tell a small child it's rude to comment on someone's appearance and then continue to comment on appearances. It's either ok or it isn't. Most small children aren't aware enough of social/cultural norms to understand what is a compliment/what is an insult. They're more fact based than that as the OP has experienced!

'We don't comment on people's bodies or sizes. It's rude,' said in clear tone and then change the subject.

Threads like this give me hope: people are doing their best to raise kind children. Lovely messages here, like we all come in different sized bodies, and let's not comment on other people's bodies. Great!

Love this.

You teach her the 5 second rule,

if something can be fixed in 5 seconds ie; you have chocolate around your mouth/your eyeliner has smudged etc then yes you can say it and tell the person.

If it can't be fixed in 5 seconds ie; your weight/a scar etc then no you say nothing as we do not comment on people's looks or bodies

Just teach your kids to be kind. Don’t comment on people’s bodies. I’m sure everyone has something they’d like to change about themselves, be it a big tummy, a big nose, a mole, their hair, their teeth. Just a blanket don’t comment because it can hurt peoples feelings is sufficient. You don’t need to go in depth about healthy lifestyles, diet and exercise. It’s really so simple. A boy in my child’s class is notorious for calling other kids fat/ugly/hairu arms or just pointing out differences in class and I judge his parents very harshly for it tbh, because why on earth has a 6 year old not be taught that’s not ok? It’s not good parenting.

Op I'm quite pragmatic about these things I know in overweight and at times I definitely look pregnant so when my DC innocent said this I just said yes I am and I should loose some weight to be healthier.

I said I don't mind you saying it to me but if you said it to someone else they may feel upset.

"some people have bigger bodies than others. Most people don't like it when you talk about how they look".

My son is six and he understands that calling someone fat is unkind and it’s not a word that should be used when talking about people. I would definitely be having a conversation with your daughter to encourage her to think about the words she uses and how they can make other people feel. Children don’t learn to be empathetic and kind if we don’t teach them this stuff.

😆 🤣 😂

I wouldn’t say that because it’s actually reinforcing the idea that it’s not ok to be ‘fat’.
Either it is, you dint comment and dint judge. That’s it.
Or you think bring fat is not ok. I’m not sure what you’d say then. Because saying ‘dint say that because ‘it’s hurtful’ but it’s ok to judge’ isn’t quite right.

Tell her that we don't comment on people's bodies and that bodies come in loads of shapes and sizes but it's not nice to comment on how people look

Talk to her about bodies - why is she saying this? What is her perception of what healthy means? This is a good opportunity to talk about how people come in different shapes and sizes, the different things that can affect people’s bodies and why we don’t comment on other people’s bodies.

This is a good learning opportunity for her, and for you to teach her.

I think I would say something like, ‘Well, I do look fat because I am a bit fat at the moment, but you know, most people don’t like it when someone comments on their size. And you should never say someone looks pregnant just in case they aren’t, because that can make someone really sad.’

Similar size here and I discussed it when my son did the same, and he wasn't being mean he wasn't sure I knew because we don't talk about weight etc at home.

I said yeh, I definitely do have a bigger tummy, sometimes I've eaten more treat type foods than my body needs and my tummys a bit squishy because you and your sister grew in there. It's ok to be a bit squishy, everyone's body is different.

Then we talked about exercise and diet and that was that. I have been going to slimming world and have lost 2 stone since then and he will occasionally remark that I'm doing a good job at my fit club and fitness classes because I'm stronger and faster and my tummy is smaller.

I refuse to be offended by it, I KNOW I'm overweight, I know WHY and it's long and co.plicated, related to health conditions and mired in childhood trauma and sick kid trauma and special needs kid trauma and bereavement trauma etc etc, it's complicated like it is for most overweight people. But my kids? They're just kids asking questions and they are wonderful, loving wee people.

We and school have talked about how you shouldn't comment on someone's appearance u less they can change it in under 30 secs. So telling someone their short is untucked or they have food on their face is helpful as they can fix it, commenting on body size isn't helpful as it's something they're at least temporarily stuck with and may hurt their feelings. It's worked well, his whole class are kind, lovely kids

I'd tell her it's unkind and that she shouldn't pass comment about how other people look. My rule I told mine was, if it's not something someone can change within 5 minutes (eg you have food on your chin or your fly is undone), then you shouldn't mention it. So no mentioning not liking someone’s new haircut, size etc...It’s a simple rule and mine have both ‘got it’ from a younger age than your dd is now, so she should have no issue gasping it.

It’s not unkind if she doesn’t mean to be unkind. It obviously can be hurtful and that can be a discussion but don’t shame her for shaming you

I'd tell her that's true, but also we don't make personal comments about how people look because it might hurt someone's feelings.

By 7, children at our school have been taught that we dont pass comments about people unless we can include everyone in the room.
This puts paid to insulting anyone, whether purposefully or not and means no one is feeling left out.
Works for us!

Do you talk about your weight in front of her? Does she know you are unhappy with how you look?